One Sentence Summary: Tyra rehashes the season & The CW gets an extra week of ANTM ad revenue.
Rachel: Generally, I dislike this episode and never understand why we need our time wasted watching stuff we’ve already seen. I was going to just skip it like I usually do and get back to it next week BUT I made a solemn promise to my public that I would be there for them through thick and thinly plotted episodes. Ok, so I don’t have a “public” but I do have an iTunes account. So, I ponied up the $1.99 and watched the recap. I have to admit, I was pleasantly surprised by the plethora of moments worthy of sharing and mocking. Cycle 16 is shaping up to be one of my faves. Better fashion, better wannabes, less role playing by Tyra. Oh and let’s not forget the melodramatic panels. Good times, people. Good times. I won’t waste your time with anything you’ve already seen. That’s Tyra’s job. Instead, I offer you the best of the worst…. or is it the worst of the worst? Who cares, it’s fun!
Sacrificing of the Virgin
It was only a matter of time before the house virgin got called out.
This is a new twist on the “You’re a virgin?” scene. What exactly does a swinging pendulum above one’s chaunch signify? Your pelvis is capable of making someone’s head spin? That it’s confused? That it communicates with the dead and is currently channeling Elvis? Regardless, it seems Miss Jacqueline isn’t all that interested and would prefer you not mix your silly crotch antics with her eating space. Gross, y’all.
The Triple Threat
Monique and the girls discuss her curves and inability to not be sexy.
This is the clip that keep on giving. Not one… not two… but three moments of genius from the brain trust. How is Mensa not banging down their door?
First, we have Brittani bagging on Monique about wanting to be a Victoria’s Secret model. Yes, the prize here is Italian Vogue… But let us not forget that your fearless leader was, herself, a Victoria’s Secret model. I don’t think she’d take to kindly to you poo-pooing the angel wings. Do you know how many times Tyra was turned down before she got her break-through… in Paris… at 17… with only 3 pictures in her portfolio? VS is a bid deal, missy. A big big deal.
Um, sorry Dominique. What was that? Monique is what? Volumptuous? Now, is that a good thing or a bad thing? Interestingly, that word doesn’t come up on Dictionary.com.
And poor exhausted Monique. So much stress carrying that ass around. Clearly it’s a barrier to being successful. No one has ever made a living with that much booty. And by no one, I mean JLo and Kim Kardashian. Work what your mama gave you and, if you play your cards right, you might even get a starring role in one of those Brazilian Butt infomercials.
Alexandria busts a rhyme.
Ha! Yes! That was awesome! Big props to the editors for the “word” pop-ups. That really was the cherry on the sundae. I’ve always wondered what goes on in someone’s head that says “This would be a good time to bust a rap” when rapping is really not in their talent pool. Regardless of the reason, I’m grateful for it. I’ll have to remember this come Thanksgiving when it’s my turn to say what I’m thankful for.
Jacqueline requests some help from Ms. Jay with her dating life… with one odd stipulation.
I take it back! THIS is what I’m thankful for! You just can’t write this stuff. Leather. That is genius. GENIUS! Oh to be young & naive again.
The girls freak when they run into Usher & Diddy in their apartment lobby.
Ok, I’m not posting this because the girls are freaking out. A Diddy/Usher star sighting is a pretty big one. It’s not like most of these girls are from towns where famous people just happen by you on a daily basis. So, I begrudge them the spaz. Why I am posting this is because I’m a bit confused about where Brittani takes the celebration… What exactly is she doing there? Is that some kind of mating ritual I don’t know about? Hurry! Someone grab the pendulum and see what’s going on in her nethermost region. Just don’t do it where Jacqueline eats.
Hannah Melts Down
Hannah doesn’t take Nigel telling her that her performance was unmemorable well. At all.
I don’t want to be the girl next door if that means I’m just the girl next door… Say what? That is some serious hyperventilating. Girl, get a grip. And by grip, I mean on a bottle of something strong…. which I’m pretty sure she did as methinks THIS is the lead-in to the drunken confessional. Yeah, I know. Sherlock over here. I’m good like that.
Not a bad little episode. Ready to rock down to Morocco. Let’s get our couscous on!