Real Housewives of New York – Week 2

One-Sentence Summary:  Manhattan tries not to sink under the combined weight of Alex & Sonja’s egos.

Alex Chugging Herself Some Confidence

Our Thoughts: 

Melissa:  Layer Cake Shiraz for my Man-ha-an chickas!!  The ladies are marching… one by one, hurrah, hurrah… in their wedding dresses, or something special ordered for the event.  Whatever.  I don’t care.  I love these crazy bitches!  The only thing that would make me like this show more is if Elsa moved to the Central Park West – hey now Bravo people… get on that!  Put that woman on a party bus and send her North – you know Ramona is just waiting for a day-drinking BFF!

Rachel:  Still cradling a cup of hot tea over here.  Hoping this elephant decides to get off of my chest sometime in the near future.  Thanks goodness these ladies are entertaining sober.  If this were Miami, I’d have to spike my tea with some pain killers.  Strong strong pain killers.  But luckily, these ladies have enough self-importance and raging ego to keep me and my teetotaling ways engaged.  I seriously watched this episode twice because I wanted to make sure that what I thought went down, actually went down.  I thought maybe my Sudafed was playing tricks on me.  There’s a reason why you have to see the pharmacist for it, you know.  But no, that clash of the egos was real.  Wow… I haven’t seen that level of misguided self-worth since…. well, last week.

Move Over Rainbow, It’s All About Me

Sonja is named Grand Marshal of the Equality March and given the only speaking spot.  This doesn’t sit well with Alex or Simon who feel entitled to speak since they are on the committee.  Sonja lets them know she is the only one entitled to speak.

Melissa:  OK, all the girls are meeting up at Sonja’s to march on with their bad selves for Marriage Equality – this is the most bizarre dress up party I’ve ever witnessed.  OK, I’m sorry but I need to be a snark for a moment… what’s with Simon’s jacket?  He’s like a gay matador!  I can’t believe they are fighting about who gets to talk.  Why are Simon and Alex obsessed with Simon speaking?  Is he looking for a little something on the side?  Are Alex’s boobs crooked??  Sorry, total side but bar I couldn’t help but notice in that dress.

Alex… I’m about over you and your self-importance, and sweetie… your husband is gay, and I really don’t give a shit to hear your opinion… on EVERYTHING.

Rachel:  Ok, when you make Kelly seem like the voice of reason, you know you have crossed a serious insanity line.  Listening to Sonja, Alex and Simon crow about their “moments” in the middle of a Marriage Equality rally is vile.  Clearly, Simon thought he was going to be Master of Ceremony being that he was dressed like the Rainbow Ringmaster.  I really wish someone would have come down off that stage and bitch-slapped all three of them… Three Stooges style… one slap, three faces.

Simon Says

Simon finally gets his “moment” and his speech is… well, you decide.

Rachel:  Yeah, I would say you should be happy that speech wasn’t done publicly but, well, when there are cameras rolling in your kitchen… I suppose that point is moot.  I guess the gay matador/Rainbow Ringmaster jacket makes more sense now.  Oh and Alex’s superior stance whilst looking down her nose, duly noted.

Miss Manners

Sonja tries to make amends with Alex by ripping on Simon.  Alex, shockingly, doesn’t take it well.  Things go south from there until Sonja kicks Alex to the curb, literally.

Melissa:  Oh boy… Sonja and Alex visit Thunderdome – two divas enter, one diva leaves… This is awesome!  What’s with Alex this season?  It’s like she wants to be “the one” for this season and get her own spinoff show – have I said that before?  Alex honey, be quiet, the more you talk and act… well like you do… the more ammunition you give us.

Quote of the Night

Quote of the evening goes to Luann.  The Two Winey Bitches raise our glasses in honor.

Schleprock or Supermodel

Supermodel Alex gives us her best profile shot.

Melissa:  Please for the love of all things great and small, get yourself a stylist!!  Please stop listening to your husband, I know he’s gay but his taste is pretty much only in his mouth!

Rachel:  I guess Alex missed the episode of America’s Next Top Model where they teach you how to dress for your body type… although I don’t remember one of them being the “Slouchy Sally”.  Then again, I am probably safe to say that even great posture couldn’t make that dress look good.

Art Is Subjective

Sonja introduces a painting of herself by talking about herself and forgetting to compliment the artist… which, of course, is also Alex’s fault. She hopes this version is better than the first one she saw… Thankfully, she was there to give the artist some pointers.

Melissa:  BAHAHAHA… Sonja wasn’t happy with her saggy tit… that’s awesome!  She gave him the Sonjia pill and he gave her saggy titties – guess he got the generic switch at the pharmacy.  But Sonja’s boy toy gives the droopy titties a little lift in the final version, and a dress for that matter – just in case… I’m thinking he’s getting a little somethin’ somethin’ after the party.

Rachel:  I would have been less concerned with the gravitational pull of my chesticles and more concerned that that’s what my boyfriend thinks I look like.  I gotta tell ya… I’m pretty sure Brian is looking at those boobs as more like teats which he is milking all the way to the bank.  I’m just sayin’…

Bottom Line:

Melissa:  A licky boom boom down!

Rachel:  Um yeah… what she said.


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