One-Sentence Summary: The Stars dance to classical music which is also the first time some are hearing classical music.
Rachel: Again, sorry for the lateness. I’m clearly overwhelmed which is no excuse when it comes to a DWTS blog post. I need to be spoken to about my priorities… again. Anywhooters, here we are again for another week of this nonsense. And as usual, I have some suggestions for how this show could be more interesting. Yes, I’m aware they are going completely ignored. No, I am not going to stop trying. If I can’t have my Jeffrey Osbourne “On The Wings Of Love” in the Bachelor, I’m going to damn well have… something… um, on some show… at some point. Now, where was I… Oh yes, suggestion box. I find it boring (read: disingenuous) to see the stars cheering & clapping for each other after each dance. Can’t we get a little catty drama up in here? Like Ralph Macchio should do a little “Wax On Wax Off” action on Maxim in honor of his dancing partner Karina. Now that would be awesome. And don’t give me any crap about this being a classy show. No one wants to see that. And by no one, I mean me.
Romeo goes shirtless and causes a frenzy. Len started talking about whips. Bruno was rambling about six packs. And Carrie Ann gushed about his “swagga”. For a minute I thought I was watching a contest to find the next star of Thunder Down Under. Either way, all this talk about Romeo’s abs is making me uncomfortable. He’s staying. I’m moving on.
Officially my patience with Kendra is gone. Done. Over. Really? Pretending to vomit from having to listen to Classical music? And heaven forbid, someone ask you to be ladylike and elegant. Carrie Ann even tries to explain that elegance isn’t that far from sexy. Kendra says, “I just don’t care about it.” Groan. Then to complain about having to do another ballroom dance? Do you know what show you signed up for? No, I’m asking honestly. She really may not know. Judges are annoyed as well. I’m thinking we’ve seen the last of her.
Oh how I loved that! I’m actually smiling from ear to ear. It may be time for my DWTS intervention. But while everyone writes their “I will no longer support you in the following ways…” letters, I am going to enjoy that. It might not have been the best dancing the world has seen but it was super fun. How can you not find a dapper smiling Sugar Ray adorable? I think he may get the “aww” vote this week.
Petra claims she’s too nice to channel the darkness needed for Carmen. So, Dmitry arranges a photo shoot for her to help channel her inner-diva. This Dmitry is really milking his time with the supermodel. I give him a little wink wink nudge nudge for his craftiness. As for the dancing, it was rather mannish and awkward if you ask me… and Len. Bruno, on the other hand, was coming out of his clothes. Literally. Can someone please give that man a muscle relaxer before I need to go to therapy from the emotional damage he has caused? She’s staying.
Did we make it through a whole Ralph segment with zero reference to his movie career? Hot damn! Miracles do happen, mama! Ok, I’m being melodramatic but I’m running out of steam here. Ralph was only half “Spatula Hand Man” tonight. Judges declare him back on his game. He’s sticking around another week.
Hell yeah! Hines brings his A game and his teammates to the show! Just when I think I’m out, they pull me back in. I just can’t resist a wave of the Terrible Towel. Highest scores of the night! I think I might need to march around my house singing the Steelers Fight Song now. Oh don’t judge me. I’m not hurting anyone. Hines is in.
Oh joy… It’s Lemony Snicket. Apparently this song is from Harry Potter… and yes, I remain the only person on earth who has not seen the movies or read the books. But I have ridden the roller coaster… twice! I guess it does sound somewhat familiar. Ok, this week was less puckery but she still makes me bananas. And she was given higher marks than Hines… Now, it’s on! There’s a target on your back, lady! And at some point, I may even vote! She’s for sure staying.
OK, I can’t hide it anymore. My name is Rachel and I am totally crushing on Chris Jericho. He’s just kinda awesome. He’s still riding shotgun to Hines on the Fan-Wagon but he’s overtaken Le Macchio as second string. That’s saying something being that Ralph and I have that bad ’80s haircut bonding us. Chris rocked it tonight but after he made the bottom three last week, I can’t feel super confident. Fingers crossed… but not dialing.
Poor Kirstie. Second week in a row with a mishap. Not only is she dancing through a hip injury but she loses her shoe halfway through the dance. However, she is looking much more svelte this week. Gotta give a girl her due… now that she no longer looks like she’s “due”. Come on! It was right there. I had to jump on it. Kirstie stays. People like her. They really really like her.
They really can crap away an hour unlike any other show ever. This week, violinist David Garrett plays Aerosmith while the dance crew performs, Len does something weird with the military and Jennifer Hudson performs… twice. Second time… That friggin’ horribly annoying song from the Weight Watchers commercials. I like JHud. She looks great. But that song… oh, that song… it’s my nemesis. I’d fight it if I could. Bruno got his wish and there was a beautiful ballet performance from Swan Lake. That I will give two thumbs up… Yeah, yeah. I know. Wrong show.
Chelsea “Lemony Snicket” Kane gets the encore dance and then is told she is in the bottom three. I guess I’m not the only one over the pucker… but to have the top score and be in the bottom three… Yeow. Petra is also up for elimination which is no surprise. The legs didn’t pull their weight this week. What is a surprise is that Kendra skates through and Sugar Ray ends up on the chopping block. Sadly, Sugar Ray gets the ax. America, what is wrong with you? You disappoint me greatly.