Dancing With The Stars – Week 3 and Results Show

One Sentence Summary: The “stars” pick a song that has special meaning to them and Bruno continues to freak me out with his gyrations.

Brooke whips out one of her old DWTS costumes. She won't let her boobs be upstaged two weeks in a row.

My Thoughts:

Rachel: If you told me a month ago that not only would I be watching Dancing With The Stars but also kinda sorta enjoying it, I’d have slapped you Alexis Morrell Carrington Colby Dexter style and thrown Melissa’s Skinny Girl Margarita in your face.  What?  She said she didn’t like it and I’m not wasting a good glass of Peter Lehmann Shiraz over something that silly.  I think they must insert some subliminal messaging that includes pictures of Christian Bale in the shower from American Psycho to lure in viewers.  Well played, DWTS.  Well played.

However, I do have three complaints… nay, creative “suggestions”… for those running the show over at ABC.  1.  Can we not see the contestants prior to their dances?  Look, I know it’s not America’s Next Top Model but I kinda like the surprise of seeing what each team is wearing.  Why ruin it for me just so they can walk down the stairs?  2.  Is the Dance Troupe really necessary?  Really?  Really?  I’m going with no.  Back-ups should be seen only when called to duty.  3.  Cutting these two things could knock a solid 30 minutes off the running time which is 30 minutes less that I have to feel shame about watching this show.  Thank you.

Anywhooters, this week the stars (as their contracts stipulate they be called) had to dig deep into their souls, share an emotional story from their life & pick a song that exemplifies that story.  I’m gonna say that, for the most part, they spun some touching tales… with only one “Are You Blanking Kidding Me” moment.  There’s one in every crowd.  We can’t all swim in the deep end of the pool…

Wendy Williams

Wendy chose “Last Night A DJ Saved My Life” commemorating the nights of her life spent living in a car traveling from radio station gig to radio station gig.

Well, last week Wendy seemed a bit more sure-footed which is really not saying much considering what Week 1 looked like.  This week, not so much.  It can’t be easy trying to be light on your feet when your feet resemble battleships.  Look at those monsters!  Great story about overcoming adversity but, unless there is a huge Wendy Williams fan base out there that I don’t know about, it’s not looking good. 

Chelsea Kane

Chelsea dances to a song called “Chelsea” that was written for her by a band no one’s heard of.

Chelsea regales us with her tale of first love.  A boy wrote a song for her and they started dating the next day.  Yes, Chelsea.  That is “epic”.  Nothing says deep meaningful love like lyrics that say “Chelsea Chelsea, I think it’s about time we get down.”  I guess I can’t expect much life from her at 25 (I don’t even know if she’s 25… I can’t muster the energy to look it up… so 25 it is) but… well, she just bugs the living shit out of me.  That’s really the bottom line here.  And that pucker!  OMG THAT PUCKER!  Please… I beg of you… stop.  It’s seriously the nails on the chalkboard of ballroom dancing.  You thought that was Bruno?  No, he’s the chewing tin foil of ballroom dancing.  She’ll stick around another week just to spite me. 

Chris “Jericho” Irving

Chris dances to “Let It Be” in memory of his mother whom he lost after she suffered a debilitating car accident. He used his given last name in her honor.

One second, please.  I must be allergic to something in this room.  My eyes suddenly seem to be watering.  So weird.  What?  No, I am so not crying.  Why would I be crying?  Just because a man can let down his guard and be vulnerable for his deceased mother in front of the whole world doesn’t mean tears… Ok, fine it does.  I admit it.  I’m bawling like a baby that just got it’s binky ripped from its lips.  Where’s that wine bottle… The dance was good and the sentiment was beautiful.  Chris stays.

Kendra Wilkinson

Kendra dances to “You & Me Against the World” to celebrate her bond with her husband.  Apparently the towns folks were none too please about her being Hank’s choice for wife.

The Rumba is Kendra’s dance.  Roll and sway your hips and you’re golden.  She couldn’t quite figure out the smoke machine and stumbled in the opening.  I would like to rip her here for the stumble but, let’s be honest, I’d have been reduced to a pile of illusion netting on the floor if I had to navigate steps and smoke.  Bruno loved her and her stripper past.  Let us know he has a certain fondness for the pole… Um, no you don’t.  No.  You don’t.  None of us are buying what you’re trying to sell us.  Kendra stays.


Romeo chooses “I’ll Be There” for two cousins that he lost at a young age.  He has a bit of a tantrum in rehearsal but apologizes the next day… legit apology too.

Another heartfelt song choice and story.  I like me some Romeo but I’m not sure there’s room on the bandwagon for him.  That Chris Jericho is taking up way more room than I had accounted for.  He definitely was feeling the song (the picture certainly proves that) but the judges clocked his footwork.  He’ll sail through in the middle, IMHO. 

Hines “Fantasy” Ward

Hines rocks the black & gold in honor of his mom with Fantasy by Earth Wind & Fire.  Mom was in the audience to cheer him on.

Seriously, look at my man rocking the black and gold with a satin “Terrible Towel”.  That’s team spirit!  How can anyone not be rooting for him?  Well, anyone that isn’t my sister-in-law whose love for the Browns has blinded her to the poetry that is Hines Ward dancing.  We’ve talked intervention but she is a really good baker and we’d all miss the cake pops.  So, a Browns fan she stays.  Hines scores the highest score of the night.  Smart judges. 

Petra Nemcova

Petra dances to “You Raise Me Up” in honor of her Happy Hearts charity and those lost in the tsunami.

Damn allergies!  My eyes are watering again.  Ok, let me get my piss and vinegar out of the way… Oh, how I hate that song.  It’s like the schmaltz to end all schmaltz.  It’s beyond overly sentimental.  When will it go away?  That being said, I thought Petra was lovely this week and her story really is powerful.  So I’m letting go of some of the irritation with her.   I can’t promise what will happen next week when we’re back to distracting us from her bad dancing with her long legs.  But today, I’m not above a good old fashioned “You go girl!”  The judges are apparently in agreement.  Ties for high score with Hines.

Sugar Ray Leonard

Pulls out the Bobby Brown with “My Prerogative” to remind all the naysayers that he can beat the odds. He even got Michael Buffer to announce him.

Let’s get ready to Rumbaaaaa!!!! Ha!  I love it.  I do.  See, now that is schmaltz I can get down with.  Sugar Ray once said, “When [Buffer] introduces a fighter, it makes him want to fight.”  Well, he definitely came out swinging.  The judges think he was much improved but no one’s been a total booger tonight except for Wendy.  Not sure how he’s going to fair but I think Wendy’s going to save him from elimination another week.

Kirstie Alley

Kirstie chooses the Israel Kamakawiwoʻole version of “Somewhere Over The Rainbow” to represent the time in her life when she got her first acting role and lost her mother to a car accident at the same time.  The agony & the ecstasy.

Oh no!  No no no!  Please tell me Maks did not just collapse under Kirstie!  Oh I can’t even go there… That’s too easy.  And way too wrong.  I will get hit by a bus, in my living room, if I go there.  But you know where I want to go so let’s wink-wink, nudge-nudge, giggle-giggle between the two of us.  Honestly, I’m a bit bummed with that because the rest of the dance was really lovely.  She’s amazingly light on her feet (which my grandmother says is not unusual for larger people… I’m not making that up… I’m not understanding it either.).    I think she’ll make it through.

Ralph Macchio

Ralph chooses “Stay Gold” from The Outsiders which was the first dance song at his wedding.  This week is his anniversary so he dedicated this dance to his wife of 26 years.

This would have been a straight-up 10 for me had they gotten Matt Dillon to shout “Let’s do it for Johnny!” from the audience.  Hey, if Sugar Ray can get Buffer, why can’t Ralph get Matt?  What’s he doing with his time?  Well, I wasn’t left totally without my moment as Chris Jericho gave us a little “Do it for Johnny” shout-out from backstage.  Oh Chris, you had me at “Do”.  As for Ralph, the dance was good but we’re running out of movies to reference.  Last week his son Daniel (Daniel San?) was featured and this week it’s the Outsiders.  Is he going to age 40 years in front of our eyes next week?  Here comes that bus.

The Results

Well happy day for me!  Not only am I subjected to only one hour tonight but we’re only two minutes in and I know Hines is safe, we get to see him dance again and Terrible Towels get airtime again.  Is it Christmas?  Color me gifted!  Ah good times… good times.  Sigh…. And now we’ve got 55 minutes left.  Damned double edged sword.  After we’re subjected to watching home video of the stars over the last week, One Republic, the Dance Troupe and Selena Gomez (That’s Bieber’s beaver right?) we finally get to the bottom three:  Wendy, Kendra & Chris… WAIT… WHAT?… How is Chris in the bottom three?  What kind of shenanigans is this?  I mean I realize I fall under the “if you don’t vote, you can’t complain” category but where is the WWE fan contingency?  Come on people, someone has to pick up my slack.  Well, crisis averted… Wendy goes home.  Not the most shocking rose ceremony ever.

PS – Sorry this is so late kiddies.  Birthdays and anniversaries and deadlines, oh my!  I have to get my priorities straight.  I’m aware.


One response to “Dancing With The Stars – Week 3 and Results Show

  1. Lori Samolsky

    Ladies… Next we will have the following for you to dish on…

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