One Sentence Summary: Hallelujah, it’s over!
Melissa: OK… can’t believe I’m in for another week of this, but the heavens have taken pity upon me and finally we’ve reached the last episode for the season!! Marysol is hosting the Ladies Lunch party this time around, but really we all know I’m in it for Elsa my favorite day-drinking should be “Housewife”. I like Bravo’s attempt to capitalize on the group dining experience hoping to induce another “Camile’s Dinner Party”, but really folks – we all know the sequel is never as good as the initial release. What I would like to see from Bravo is a Real Housewives cross-over… with Survivor Man… NO, Swamp People… NO, HOARDERS!!! Wait, damn it that’s another network… ah, a girl can dream though.
Rachel: The women of Miami bring their insufferableness (yes, it’s a word) to an end. It should be a joyous occasion but I can barely muster a single “woot”, let alone a double “woot”. From week to week, I find something new to dislike about these women. You would think that would be fun for me seeing as how sarcasm is my Red Bull. Alas, such is not the case. At least Bravo took sympathy on us and gave us extra of “Deep Thoughts With Elsa”. Apparently, they know what we want… Oh, and if you’re out there Bravo, here’s something else we want: No Season 2. Do them like you did the DC Housewives and shelve them.
Elsa gives her daughter a piece of advice on marriage that a lot of women could have used early on.
Melissa: The woman has a way with words!!
Rachel: I love that Elsa has selective amnesia. She doesn’t know where she was the night before and she doesn’t know how many times her daughter has been married. Fabulous! Whatever works… It’s a great defense to use when you are walking around in those socks. “I have no idea how these socks got on my feet. It must have happened last night at the place I don’t remember.” Pretty sure I used that excuse in college… twice.
Catty Is As Catty Does
Larsa & Cristy act like ladies as usual.
Rachel: This is really the most interesting stuff Bravo had to share with us? Catty girls picking on people behind their backs? If I want teenage antics, I’ll watch Teen Mom… or The Bachelor.
Another Housewife Goes Skinemax
Adrianna tries to inject some spice into her relationship with Frederick in hopes of getting a ring.
Melissa: Also, since when has Bravo joined forces with Skinemax? Apparently, Adrianna is trying to prep for her second career in soft-core porn.
Rachel: First and foremost, do I really need to see ass cheeks pressed on glass? Second, if the answer to the previous question is yes and I do need to see that, then so do you. It’s a team effort here, kids. Third, while I haven’t spent time on the pole, I gotta think that telling your man how to enjoy it has got to kill some of the fun, no? Fourth… really ass cheeks on glass?
Don’t Mess With Mama
Larsa pokes the bear known as Elsa and gets a lesson in “Don’t Ask Questions You Don’t Want The Answers To”. But our fair Elsa doesn’t get her feather ruffled. She just calls it like she sees it.
Melissa: Elsa is getting her psychic groove on – YEAH BABY!! MAN, she’s spooky when she starts. OK… wait… wait… wait… when I get lobbed a ball, I have to swing for the fences and Larsa saying she’s not emotionally immature as Elsa claims… you might as well just set that one on a T for me. Larsa honey, are you kidding me that you are mature? You think “teaching your children responsibility” means having the nanny or the housekeeper do something. Oh, but maybe you’re right. I’m sure she’s just picking on you because you’re “younger and cuter than everyone else”. OH NO SHE DI-IN’T – Bitch just told Elsa she just wanted to be amused by her… make me laugh, clown!
Rachel: LOL…Honestly, nothing I can say here comes close to being as succinct and on point as Elsa’s “It’s stupid and so retarded.” Because it really is stupid and so retarded. Larsa could us a dose of self-reflection but see… and here’s the irony… that necessitates maturity.
This Says It All
Lea puts together a lunch in Florida’s epic “nature”. Needless to say, the spoiled ladies of Miami didn’t enjoy it.
Rachel: Insufferable. Bitches.
What the ladies have been up to since filming wrapped. You know, because we’re so invested.
Melissa: I haven’t seen catty back stabbing comments like these ladies since… wait, I’ve never seen such childish behavior. Season 1 of RHOM is in the can… let’s hope Season 2 doesn’t make it out… bring on my NY bitches!!
Rachel: If I call them insufferable again will it be too much? I feel like I should send a bottle of wine to the people that had to edit this. If what aired was the best footage, can you imagine the material that ended up on the cutting room floor? Those must have been some long desperate nights. I hope they got combat pay.