Dancing With The Stars – Week 2 and Results Show

One Sentence Summary: More dancing and someone gets the boot.

Bruno Gets Overly Excited... Again

My Thoughts:

Rachel: Four hours this week is a bit more than I can take… especially when a good 2.5 hours is nonsense.  I’m not sure why they need to review what happened for us ten times.  How dumb is the audience?  Did a majority of them smoke so much pot through their lifetime that they have no short-term memory?  I’m thinking there aren’t too many hippies watching this so I’m just going to go with the theory that the network is just milking this for everything they can get.  Then again, here I am watching Week 2 after I swore I wouldn’t watch Week 1… I guess I shouldn’t be pointing fingers.  You know, glass houses and all… Speaking of glasses, Merlot in hand.  Let’s get this done.

Sugar Ray Leonard

Now that I know which Sugar Ray to expect, I can properly enjoy his dancing.  The judges liked him better this week but that isn’t saying much… Len said he thinks he’s in jeopardy of going home.  I will agree that SRL isn’t a naturally gifted dancer but he is damn adorable out there.  I think he’ll get the “awwww” vote and stick around another week.

Kendra Wilkinson

Poor Kendra.  She she had a rough week.  She battled her tomboy nature reducing her to tears.  Len told her that her “chesticles” got in the way of the dance.  Subtle.  And Bruno said she was tight.  Pretty sure he is the only one that has used “tight” and “Kendra” in the same sentence in at least a decade.  But I do have to agree with Bruno.  She looked so uncomfortable & like she couldn’t wait for the routine to be over.  Seriously, the only thing more fake than her smile are her boobs.

Chelsea Kane

Well, I did my research like a good Winey Bitch should and now know that Chelsea is some kind of Disney star… which makes me no clearer on who she is today than I was last week.  I think she looks a lot like Kellie Pickler.   I also think she still looks like she’s been sucking on some lemons.  What is with the puckered lips???  I’m not sure I can take an entire season of that.  Maybe Bruno will smack the pucker off her face in a wildly gestured evaluation.

Chris Jericho

This is definitely the surprise of the season.  Who would have thought the WWE wrestler would be light on his feet?  He rocked it out and had a genuinely good time doing it.  I still can’t root for him but I give him a tip of the hat.

Petra Nemcova

I guess when you realize your dancing pretty much blows, you have to resort to alternate methods of getting votes.  Here Petra gives us a peek at her other assets.  Don’t like my dancing?  Get a gander at these gams!  The rest of the outfit consisted of a yellow fringed bikini top.  She was going for sexy pin-up but I think she looked more like a McDonald’s cheeseburger wrapper.  I do have to give her dance partner credit for figuring out a way to cop a little feel without getting smacked across the face.  High five, dude.

Kirstie Alley

Miss Kirstie picked a more flattering dress & looked pretty in pink this week. She and Max swirled and twirled around the stage.  They seem to have a good chemistry together which translates onto the dance floor…. OMG… What was that?  Sorry I lost myself for a moment there.  That damn Kirstie put a spell on me and blocked my snarky sensors.  Must. Move. On.

Some Guy Named Mike From Loveline

Mike knows he’s in trouble so he threw caution to the wind and went for it.  He definitely did better this week but I’m pretty sure it’s not going to be enough.  He’s a bad dancer and no one knows who he is.  Bad combo.  I fear my little brick is going home this week which really blows since he is the only piece of eye candy on this mess.

Romeo

The judges liked Romeo better this week and gave him great marks.  I have no feeling one way or the other for Romeo so I’m using his post to discuss Brooke Burke.  Girlfriend lost some serious weight and is looking a bit frail.  I hate to say it but she headed straight for lollipop-head-land.  And why so much make-up?  She’s a pretty girl on her own.  What’s the matter Brooke?  Feeling insecure?  Anything you want to share with us?  Come.  Sit.  Have a glass of wine.  It always makes everything better.

Wendy Williams

I had to post a picture from Wendy’s rehearsal because I am not sure what to do with this outfit.  From the looks of it, neither does her dancing partner.  Why the hot pink hot pants?  Why?  It’s not hiding anything.  In fact, it’s just drawing attention right to the part I think you are trying to cover.  Maybe she thinks it’s 1984… not that that it makes it better.  I think she’s getting another week with us so maybe she’ll ‘splain herself then.

Ralph Macchio

My doppelganger is back!  Ralph brought his family to rehearsal this week.  His son is named Daniel.  I can’t help but wonder if he really named his kid after his character in the Karate Kid.  Is it me or is that a bit… um, narcissistic?  Regardless, I’m still on “Team Ralph-Only-If-Hines-Gets-Eliminated”.  Put that on a t-shirt!  He did a fine job on his second showing.  He’s not going anywhere.

Hines “Saving The Best For Last” Ward

I guess the Steeler Nation is mighty!  They knew the only way to get us to watch the whole show was to save Hines for last.  Yes, that is what happened.  Don’t question the power of the Black ‘n Gold.  Just accept it.  Hines was awesome!  Even Bruno couldn’t stay in his seat!  Yeah, I know Bruno can never stay in his seat but that’s not the point here.  The point is that Hines is the bomb!

The Results

I am going to do for you in one paragraph what it took ABC two hours to do for me.  No need to thank.  Just send wine.  I like all colors.  After an hour of retread, they finally got to the results show.  They let Sugar Ray know he was in the bottom three right away and then let him stew for an hour.  We got to sit through two Chris Brown lip-synch numbers.  I am going to keep my feelings about him to myself.  I will however let you know that Tom Bergeron and I have a problem.  He was all up in arms about CB being on the show and said he wouldn’t go easy on him.  Really Tom?  What did the powers-that-be threaten you with because, if introducing him with a fake smile is tough, I’d hate to see you go easy on him.  I have a feeling that is the stuff late night Cinemax is made of.  Anyway… Wendy, Mike & Sugar Ray are your bottom three.  Yours truly predicted correctly.  Mike The Brick went home and now I have no one to look at.  Voting for him may have helped.  Whoops…

Bottom Line: Fine.  I’m in.  I’m invested.  I can’t promise to make it to the bitter end but I can promise whatever end it is will be bitter.


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