One Sentence Summary: Brad & Emily are back to try and convince us (and themselves?) they will beat the odds and get married… some day.
Melissa: The couple reunites!! Will they, won’t they… will we hear wedding bells or screeching get-away tires?
Rachel: Admittedly, I had to take a moment (ok, 2 days) between the Final Rose and the After The Final Rose to regain the strength to face another hour of this. This really has been the least dramatic season ever and yet here is Chris telling me the opposite. Oh I’m sorry… the most “emotional” finale ever. If by emotional you mean emotional for everyone but the viewers, then I’m with you. Ok, lay it on me.
Chantal faces Brad for the first time since being sent home sans ring and gets herself some closure… and a chance to let him know she’s already moved on… See, closure.
Melissa: Why is it that all these women think they are the first woman in the history of time to be dumped by someone?? Here’s my other question… Why do they make them see the person who dumped them? Salt in the wounds, no? Well, I guess there’s a silver lining. Chantal has found happiness with someone – yay.
Rachel: Again, I ask about the need for closure. Do you feel better now, Chantal, that you were told he just wasn’t that into you? I mean getting sent home empty-handed would seem to me to be a pretty loud and pretty clear message. Do you actually need to hear the words “I liked someone more than you”? And while I have your attention, let me also remind you that you signed up for a reality DATING show… He may have strung you along til the end but I’m gonna guess it was in his contract that he couldn’t pick a girl the first week. Would have made those other 10 rose ceremonies awfully awkward.
You know what would have been awesome would have been a whole Glee-esque number here with Chantal in a black leotard doing Beyoncé’s “Single Ladies” dance. Now there’s an idea! Get me an agent!
Reunited and It Feels So Good-ish
After Brad tells Chris that his relationship with Emily has been anything but roses (Apparently, they broke up at one point), the couple is reunited and Emily is anything but the blushing bride.
Melissa: Brad has finally found his girl… aw… (insert eye roll). However, seems Miss Em has been putting off the wedding, and they broke up? Apparently sweet little Emily can be tough. Really Brad? The woman is a real life single mom. She doesn’t get the luxury of pretending she’s still on the show. Guess what, meals need to be made, homework done, oh and by the way, she has a job that helps her pay for her child’s needs.
Emily went for the low lights – finally ditching Barbie Blonde. Love it Emily!! Oh, and for all you kids playing at home… she considers herself “engaged” to Brad but has no intention of marrying him, moving to Austin, nor is she wearing her ring. Hell, if that’s the case… I’m gonna say I consider myself engaged to Ryan Reynolds – tada!
Rachel: On one hand, I can say that they seem like a real couple with real problems. On the other hand, this is not a good advertisement for “Fantasy Land Couple Making”. Gee, Emily didn’t want to rush into a marriage just for ratings? She actually wants to try and be a couple for a while in real life? What a bitch. Off with her head!
A Dime A Dozen
Emily lets us in on a bit more of why she chose to postpone the wedding.
Rachel: Hello? Is this thing on? Apparently, neither of the final two realize that they were actually on a TV show… For all intents and purposes, a GAME show where the prize is a boyfriend. Em, sweetie, the season was boring enough as it was. I cannot fathom what it would have been to watch it if he saved those other “things” for only you. I can only imagine those production meetings… So, Brad chooses Emily in Week 2 and from here on out he can only do fun things with her. All the other girls will only get to play chess, eat meals in the daylight and shake hands with Brad from here on out…. Riveting television.
The producers trot out the 3 remaining Bachelor/Bachelorette couples to bestow their knowledge on Emily & Brad.
Melissa: UGH, Bachelor couples to give their insight… the only redemption for this segment is the very handsome Roberto. Advice, advice, advice… but all I hear is Charlie Brown’s teacher. Anyone else think there was not enough of Roberto? I don’t care what those other people have to say. Just keep the pan out so Roberto is in the shot. And while we’re at it, can he lose the shirt? Oh, wait… Sorry, inappropriate? Summary of their advice… It’s up to the two of them to make it work. Genius – these folks need to all become marriage counselors!!
Rachel: Is it just me or did that feel like a not-so-subtle ploy by the powers-that-be to try and convince Emily & Brad (and the viewing audience) that this really can work? It’s like you can almost see the suits in the background waving their hands and shouting at Emily & Brad to stay together… at least long enough to get an “I Hate You Jake Pavelka” special out of it.
Glimmer of Hope
Brad & Emily watch their engagement and we see maybe a glimmer of hope for the crazy kids.
Rachel: Like the Grinch, my heart may have grown 3 sizes today. The 1% of me that isn’t cynical thinks these two may have a fighting chance. Even if the tabloids say they already broke up, I’m going to go to sleep tonight embracing that 1% and wishing them well. Ah love.. ain’t it grand?
That’s A Wrap!
Thanks from the Two Winey Bitches for hanging with us through our first show. We hope you had fun. We are trying to add shows as we go and keep up with the ones we started! So, keep checking back and we’ll keep you posted on stuff and things. Cheers!