One Sentence Summary: The women Brad rejected come back and blame each other for getting kicked off the show.
Melissa: Should be a good week… I’m starting 2 glasses in before I even hit play on the DVR. The Reunion Show!!! I can only hope BSC brings it… oh, it’s been brought’n.
Rachel: Not gonna lie. Watching this from bed. I feel like I have to be prone in order to deal with this show. C’mon ladies, bring the thunder. I don’t even know what that means…. just felt like saying it. And really? Another Bachelor Pad? Does anyone need to hear Casey’s frog voice for another season? I know I don’t… But I also know I will… I do it for you, readers. All three of you.
Ok, let’s get on with it.
Award For Best Fake Cry Goes To…
The girls open fire on Michelle. Michelle responds with a performance worthy of, to use a Kathy Griffin-ism, a Shmemmy.
Melissa: Oh boy, here come the water works… wait… without the water?? GURL… If you’re going to pretend to cry, bite your cheek or something to get some tears going!! Hmmm, she left her daughter to find a husband… cause that’s always a good approach to it. “Let me go find you a Daddy sweetheart. I just need to go away for a few months and be on a reality TV show.” Guess she never heard of Match.com.
Rachel: I’m with Melissa here on the tears but what really strikes me is Chris Harrison. Is it just me or is he fully mooning over Michelle? I wonder if Mrs. Harrison was at home watching this?
Girl Fight, Round 1 – Raichel v Melissa
Raichel & Melissa take full responsibility but no responsibility for their dismissals. It’s not their fault the other one’s crazy antics ruined their chances with “The Bachelor”… er, Brad.
Rachel: Ok, first & foremost, who the hell spells Rachel with an “i” in the middle? Unless your “Hooked on Phonics” one would think the “i” unnecessary. But I digress… Gotta love a girl drama that ties directly to our blog. Maybe this is what our fight looked like back in high school causing us not to speak for 20 years? It’s about as mature as a high school fight. But I’m gonna give the match to Raichel… no bias on my part, of course. That Melissa is a bit freaky.
Girl Fight, Round 2 – Stacey v Michelle
Stacey calls Michelle’s parenting into question. Michelle responds. Chris protects his girl.
Melissa: Damn BCS, I liked you better when you were nuts. Now you are just sad, pretending to cry… for sympathy. You just lost a shit ton of street cred with me. And holy shit Chris! Defending the girl who isn’t even crying? Man, you know how to squeeze the ratings don’t you? I’m about done with Michelle.
Rachel: The hot seat’s never been hotter? Yeah, you want us to think you’re talking about the friction between the two girls but there’s a whole different kind of friction going on in that overly coiffed head of yours. Chris sets the ball on the tee. Michelle swings. Home run… point to Michelle. Stacey didn’t do herself any favors bringing up mommy skills, however.
The New & Improved Ashley H.
Everyone’s surprised by the Ashley’s new look. None more than Brad.
Melissa: I do like her with the darker hair… MUCH better!! But someone gots herself a weave!! OK, but that lipstick is NOT her shade. Brad’s second guessing sending Ashley packing with that new ‘do she’s sporting… Is he second guessing his choice?? Just kidding. We’ve all heard the rumors that she’s the new Bachelorette.
Rachel: Ah, there really is no better feeling than seeing an ex and having him fall all over himself with how good you look. It’s amazing what a box of dye & a bag of hair can do for a girl. Guess the powers-that-be are getting Miss Ashley all Bachelorette-ified. Gotta up the sexpot factor so those hot tub scenes reach maximum lust-itude. Yes, I am making up words today. Can’t be helped. Makes this show more interesting.
And That Is What They Call Closure
Ashley gets to ask the question she needs for closure.
Rachel: I always wonder about that closure thing. Does it really make you feel better? Are you happier to know that what made you “not wife material” wasn’t something along the lines of you can’t cook but instead that he liked other girls more than you? I mean especially in this case when he’s dating 10 other women… kinda goes without saying, no?
A Final Word From Brad
Brad lets us know how happy he is. The ladies pretend to be happy too.
Rachel: “Trulier happier…”??? Sorry, couldn’t let that one slide. Let’s hope this happiness lasts until the “After The Final Rose” segment.
Final Rose Preview & Predictions
A sneak peak at next week’s final episode.
Melissa: With Chantal he can be himself – which kinda means he can see himself with her without having to do much to “change” – as in simply ditching some nasty shoes she can’t stand. PLUS, he can move his entire family into her parents’ house and live happily ever after. With Emily he thinks she’s beautiful and classic – which in Brad speak – she’s hot… crazy hot with a southern accent!! BUT, she has a daughter. Now, I hate to broad brush stroke all men (yeah, yeah… insert ‘stroke’ joke here), but most don’t want to date a single mom… no matter how hot… it’s a lot to take on. I’m going Chantal, but I really like Emily.
Rachel: I am pretty much on the same page as Melissa. I think Emily is the better fit for him in the long-term. I think deep down Brad thinks that too. However, Chantal is the safer bet here. My gut says he goes with safe. My gut also says that Emily isn’t going to be short of offers after this ends and will probably be hitched before Brad & Chantal.