One-Sentence Summary: It’s the last dance, last chance, tonight.
Rachel: Down to the final three and yes we were conspicuously absent last week. That’s all on me. Sometimes life gets in the way and I just wasn’t able to get you our thoughts in time for tonight’s show. I apologize, but I trust that you all survived the week without our witty banter. Anywho, it all comes down to tonight’s & tomorrow night’s dances. It’s a really close race and week after week the contestants have brought their A-games. Can’t wait to see what they’ve got in store for us tonight.
Melissa: Oh boy… I’m not going to be happy regardless. I can’t imagine any of these folks losing the mirror ball. Maybe it’s just my detox shakes (long weekend with my Winey Bitch), but I’m all jittery with excitement to see what these couples have in store for us tonight. I can hardly wait!!
Rachel’s What Happened: The first dance tonight is picked by the judges. Cheryl tells William that a judge will be coming to tell them what dance they will be doing. William guesses it will be Bruno stopping by, and of course, it is. There’s no doubt he wouldn’t have let anyone else deliver the news. Any chance to be close to William… Can’t blame him. They will be doing the Cha Cha Cha. Bruno says his hip action is sex on legs, but the other two finalists are just as talented. Yeah, that boy really can work those hips. He rocks the Cha Cha with no problems. He was born for this. Len says loud & proud! That was as good as he’s ever seen in 14 seasons of Cha Cha Cha. Bruno says that was an intoxicating Cuban cocktail of natural flowing moves. His hip action leaves him green with envy. Carrie Ann says the magic is still there and so is the sophistication. He has grown miles.
Melissa: Yes, you know Bruno was all-in to help William with his Cha Cha this week… Naughty Boy Bruno. Oh, I’m liking this cha-cha. I’ll say it again, William is just meant to shake his hips and ass. I can’t hate any of that action tonight. Apparently neither can the judges. He rocked 10s across the board.
Rachel’s What Happened: Len tells them that they are dancing the Paso Doble. He tells them that this time around they need to temper the aggression with finesse. Hopefully, this will get her the ten from Len. OK, it’s rather unfair that this woman is gorgeous, sweet, funny, can sing like an angel and dance like this. It’s hard to hate her because she’s so adorable and that dance was on point. Bruno says that was a Paso Doble full of vivid lustrous artistry. Her shape extended beautifully. Technical brilliance. Carrie Ann said it was like watching a prima ballerina. Every move was perfectly executed. Len says it was like a buffet of Spanish tapas. Lots to satisfy your taste buds. Fabulous.
Melissa: Oh, mama likes this Paso… Nice and clean, not too much. Dig that skirt action, Miss K! Oh, and Maria came to watch… How supportive. You know she’s totally wishing it was her. DAY-UM, another perfect score!!
Rachel’s What Happened: Carrie Ann tells Donald that he will be dancing the Argentine Tango. She says what was lacking in their last tango was content in the choreography so don’t waste time with filler. Make the moves bigger and bring it. Holy skimpy dress, Peta! Um, that was hot hot hot. I have goose bumps. Carrie Ann says she loved it the first time and she loved it again. She loved the crispness to his moves. Len says he felt there was far more content. He loved the set-up and the intensity. It was a tad careful but a vast improvement over the last time. Bruno says he went for the subtle and intimate. Small in detail but very strong storytelling. He could read everything in the story and it was very very effective.
Melissa: Carrie Ann wants his Tango moves to be bigger… And bigger he’ll go. Oh, and a lift to start things off. Man this is an awesome Tango. She’s fantastic with her choreography if you ask me. I know you didn’t, but this is what I do… Put my 2 cents in. Isn’t that kinda why you’re here?
Score: 29 – Oh Len, you’re such a pain in the ass!
Time for the freestyle!
Rachel’s What Happened: Cheryl says this is the most important dance of the season. It will make it or break it. Cheryl thought he did such a great dance with his Argentine Tango, so she’s going to go for a sexy dance. Yeah, she knows what the ladies like. He’s having a hard time with the lifts, but he knows with great risk comes great reward. Ok, this wasn’t my favorite dance of his. I feel like they relied too much on him being sexy. He’s a better dancer than that. I’m sure I’m alone on this one though. Len says what he does he does well. He liked it. He liked the rhythm changes, but it was too predictable. All he did was shake his butt and make the women scream. (See, Len’s with me!) Bruno says they were like two devils unleashed upon the earth into a Latin extravaganza. Carrie Ann does the robot and I have no idea why. She says that it what a freestyle should be. Then there is some arguing between her & Len, which Tom isn’t interested in hearing since he just talks right over them. Ha… Love Tom.
Melissa: Cheryl is working the lifts with William, and he’s a bit, um… Not so great with it all. But you know how this works… “Oh, I’m not good.” Then it’s 10s. OK, that was really wonderfully executed. That was hot and that’s what the people want to see. Oh, Len thinks it was too predictable with his butt shaking. Um Len, that’s what gets the votes my dear… That’s what this is all about, the votes. And if Carrie Ann is any indication, the ladies like the shaking of the bon-bon as it were.
Night’s Total: 59
Rachel’s What Happened: This is where Mark excels so I’m super excited to see this dance. Mark says he thinks she’s the most versatile dancer of the bunch so he wants to show that off. He’s combining so many dances that she has to really just go with it. There’s no time to think. Oh we get to hear her sing too! Awesome. This dance is so much fun but I wonder if she’s going to get dinged for the flat shoes because she’s not pointing her toes. Plus, she just muffed the landing on a lift. But the choreography was awesome. Bruno says that was a fast and flamboyant tour de force through all ages of swing. So much content so fast and so well executed. You were on the money all the way through. Carrie Ann says she is such a fabulous performer. She can do anything. That was the dance of a champion. Len says if he was dreaming don’t wake him up. This was a freestyle.
Melissa: Mark is going to bring out all the stops with his choreography for the freestyle. She’s still the cutest little pip of a thing. Oh really, playing up the singing? This is some legit piece of work, and I LOVE IT!! That was craziness hopped up on Red Bull… AWESOME! Yeah, we all saw that perfect score coming, and well deserved, my kiddies!
Night’s Total: 60
Rachel’s What Happened: Well, the song title alone makes me intrigued, but I want Donald to BRING IT on this one. I know he’s got it in him to rock this out. And I am solidly Team Donald at this point. He may have beaten my Steelers in the Super Bowl, but I’m pulling for him anyhow. They’re going to dance to a country song to push it out of the box and show the judges that he’s more than hip-hop. I’m super excited for this. Seriously, you’d think it was my birthday. And hey, Cowboy Troy is here! Woohoo! That was amazing! Too much fun! Len I’m coming for you if you don’t give him a 10! Now, THAT’S how you freestyle. Carrie Ann is out of her chair. She says this was by far her favorite finals and this was by far her favorite dance tonight! Len says, in football, catches win matches. And chances win dances. He came out, charged the field and he took a chance. Fantastic! Bruno can’t resist a ride in the wild wild west. As rides go, this was a country-inspired triumph!
Melissa: Oh boy, going with the “country” theme. Well played, Donald. Oh sh*t and Peta gets a bloody lip to boot. OK, I’m all-in with Donald still. This is le-F’ing-git! Dare I even offer up a 2 Legit 2 Quit… Those lifts were RE-DIC-U-LOUS!! If that doesn’t get a perfect score, I’m out.
Score: 30 – About damn time!
Night’s Total: 59
Rachel’s What Happened: Here it is kids. The final show. Last year, we all pretty much knew JR was going to take home the mirror ball trophy, deservedly so. This yeah, it’s anyone’s game. All three are incredibly talented… and it’s seriously the best looking top three ever. That certainly doesn’t hurt. Though I’m going to hedge my bets and say it will come down to the two guys. It’s hot Latin Lover vs Packer Nation. Both very strong fan bases. I love Katherine, but I’m not sure the votes will be there.
We start with a pro dance that features the eliminated stars from the season. You know, you gotta give them one last moment in the spotlight before they, for the most part, slip back into obscurity. And we get to see Tristan one last time. Did we really need Maks doing a stripper move with his shirt? No. We did not.
Donald & Peta get the encore dance and the high praise of Len saying it was one of the best freestyles of all time.
Melissa: Yep, I’m still 100% team Donald and can’t wait to see him get his mirrorball. I think he and Peta are a completely brilliant team. My only problem with the the finale is that it’s a whole 1:55 of fluff for the 10 seconds to hear who won. Well, let me just put this out there: If it’s not Donald, I’ll refuse to watch next season, and there isn’t anything that other Winey Bitch can do about it. OK, maybe her awesome sangria could convince me…
Rachel’s What Happened: Normally, we know I hate wasting time on this show, but I’m not mad at bringing back Sherri Shepherd to give us a little “It’s Raining Men”. She’s just a good time always. However, I’m less thrilled with Jack Wagner. OMG do we really have to go through the entire season? We all watched! We’re clear on what happened. I don’t need to relive any of the dances. Certainly not Melissa and Maks. And I most definitely to not need a freestyle from Roshon & Chelsea. What I need are my last dances from the final three and some Mirror Ball Trophy presentation. Blah blah blah… Kelly Clarkson… blah blah blah… more flashbacks. Grrr…
An hour & 15 minutes in they actually start with the finale. What a waste of my time.
Melissa: HA, I loves me some Sherri too, but as much as I love her, I could do without this number, thought I adore the Weather Girls. Why do we have to bring back the people voted off? We got rid of them… Why are they back other than for me to see some Tristan again and kill the clock.
Rachel’s What Happened: Cheryl is sad to be dancing her last dance with William because he’s been such an inspiration to her. Yeah, that’s why you’re sad. Just admit you’ve enjoyed rubbing up against that body. We won’t be mad at you. We’ll all wink & nod in womanly understanding. William has enjoyed his time too. Yeah, you got yourself a role on a TV show. And we’ve certainly enjoyed getting to know you, sir. Happy times for everyone! William’s last dance showcases what he does best, shake those hips. Oh, he does it so well. I think I’ll miss that most of all. Len says if salsa & rhythm were in the Olympics, he’d have a gold medal. He’s been a fan since Week 1 & he’s gotten more 10s from Len than anyone. The reason is because he deserved them. Bruno says when it comes down to hot, sexy salsa, hips don’t lie. Nobody does it better than William. Carrie Ann says he’s heated up the ballroom with his passion and his presence. But what makes him so special is that he has true star quality.
Melissa: OK, again, I do love William shakin’ what his Mama gave him. I’m a big girl and have no problem admitting it.
Total: 89 of 90
Rachel’s What Happened: Jiving makes Katherine really happy. Love that. Really, she’s too cute. Hate her. And by hate, I mean love. It’s a very confusing situation for me. So let’s just watch her dance, shall we? Another fabulous dance by Miss Katherine. She knows how to pull off cutesy without making it schmaltzy. She nailed all the moves. Great way to go out. Bruno says she’s the girl that has it all. She truly is one of the most wonderful competitors they’ve ever had. A truly stunning dancer. Carrie Ann says it’s true. She is such a brilliant artist. She thinks they are the ones that set the bar so high. Len says she is the complete package.
Melissa: Aw. Again, she’s just the cutest little button of a girl. So sweet. If William is meant for the Latin dances, this girl is meant for the upbeat Jives.
Total: 90 of 90
Rachel’s What Happened: Donald is tired during rehearsal and isn’t feeling in top form. But he knows this dance will make them or break them, so he knows he has to push through. It’s bittersweet for him because he will miss the memories he’s made in the dance studio. Ooh Lawd, Donald shirtless. Yes, please! It takes a real man to pull off hot pink pants and he does. He also pulls off the dance in flawless fashion. He’s got us all “Beggin'”. Carrie Ann says he’s a fierce competitor. It’s his intensity. It’s his passion. She can see his love for the show and his determination to win. She thinks he’s the one to beat. Len says no one is a loser tonight. They’ve had some great footballers on this show in the past, but he is the best. (Hey now!) Bruno says another massive hit by Donald the Magnificent. He really has had the strategy of champion. He took the comments and improved week after week. He peaked at the right time.
Melissa: I’m still Team Donald tonight. I’ve backed my horse in this race, so come on you two!! Gotta say, I’m not gonna hate that he’s comfortable with his shirt off. Then again, any man built like that better be comfortable.
Total: 89 of 90
The First Elimination
Rachel’s What Happened: So, Gladys came back and sang for us first while we saw images of the final three from the season on the big screens. That was lovely. I can’t be mad at that. And Katherine getting misty is making me misty. Stop it! But it’s time to find out who’s going home and who’s going on to the Final Two. I’m nervous… I really wish they could all win… And I’m so not that girl. But they all truly deserve it. Unfortunately, William & Cheryl are the first to leave the ballroom, which is a bit funny considering she is the only that looks confident in the picture above. Aw, his son is so upset. Sweet thing.
Melissa: William and Cheryl get their 3rd place and his poor little boy is crying for Daddy.
Rachel’s What Happened: Oh boy… Here we go. I’m pulling for Donald here. Again, I think they all deserve it, but I so want him to have it. He wants it so badly. And he really brought it every week. Who knew there was so much smoothness in that massive body. Then again, Katherine is so flawless… Ah! This is torture! Just tell us…
And the winner is… Donald Driver! And he goes to the floor. LOL… He’s awesome. OMG, I’m such a mess… I’m totally crying. That little crying baby of his is beyond too cute too. And to see him with his wife is so great. They rock. Yay!
Melissa: YES!! My boy Donald gets his Mirrorball Trophy for the mantel!! I knew my bedazzled jersey would be just what he needed.
Rachel: Ah, good times. Good times. What a great season. To think that just a few seasons ago, I refused to watch this show and now I’m sitting her blubbering like a fool. Those producers are going to have a really hard time duplicating this season’s magic next season. I hope they’ve already started making some phone calls.
Melissa: Wow, for real that was an amazing season – one I won’t soon forget. WOW, they seriously need to step it up like crazy for the fall to keep me anywhere near as entertained as I was this season.