One-Sentence Summary: It’s Guilty Pleasures Week which scares and excites me at the same time.
Rachel: Well, this week’s show accomplished something no other entity has been able to accomplish… For the first time ever, I listened to “MmmmmBop” in its entirety. I don’t feel good about this. How was I to be prepared for Hanson being sprung on me like that? I’m sure Tom Bergeron announced it at some point but he and Brooke Burke sound a lot like Charlie Brown’s teacher on my TV. But, as they say, every gray cloud has a silver lining…. and boy was this week’s silver lining glittery! Behold the spectacle that is Bruno’s starring role in Elton John’s 1983 video for “I’m Still Standing”. I gotta tell you, I’m still laughing. Not many things can leave me jaw-on-the-floor-hand-over-mouth speechless. That did. Friends, that is my reward for suffering through this show for 6 weeks now. I actually looked the video up on YouTube after tonight’s episode to get another good laugh out of it. Ahhh… good times. Oh right… dancing. Sorry.
Once Wasn’t Enough
Bwhahahaha! I’m sorry. I had to have more crack at this. Oh, the 80′s were so amazing. I so badly want to go to Cannes and shimmy down the Croisette singing this song now. But dreams aside, let’s get to the real issue here… There is waaaaaaaay more information being shared in these outfits than I ever needed to know about Bruno. Ever. Including the fact that we all now know that Bruno waxes. No man can pull of the French-cut banana hammock without manscaping. For reals. He should have been with us for the Real Housewives of New York this past week. He could have given us the male point of view. I said “male” not “masculine”.
Ok… ok… back to the show…
You know I want to rip this song choice apart but, dammit, it really is a guilty pleasure, isn’t it? Come on, you know you’re out there singing “Oh baby baby…” in that sexy little voice. This was fun. I enjoyed myself but, you know me, I do have to take point with something. What on earth would make Maks choose brown polyester pants with the satin stripe? Not a good look. Not a good look at all. It reminds me of something my dad and his brothers wore to one of the brother’s weddings…. Let’s see if I can find that little gem. Ah yes… Behold!
‘Nuff said. (Sorry, Dad.)
Yes! Journey! Wait, is Journey a guilty pleasure? Or is it just a pleasure? Think about it… Either way, I’m loving it! That Chris Jericho is really trying to steal this girl’s heart…. and it’s working. Unfortunately, his dancing this week was sort of brick-ish. Not good. The judges scores indicated they agreed. That ain’t good. I’m worried about my boy this week.
Romeo & Chelsea dance to “My Heart Will Go On” by Celine Dion.
Uh, I have no response for that song choice. See, as Journey is just a pleasure. This song is just guilty. There is nothing pleasurable about it. And color me surprised that Romeo chose it (and that he admits to Titanic being his favorite movie). His pre-dance video was pretty fun this week. He seems to be getting more comfortable with this whole dance show situation. You know, halfway through the season. The dance was spot-on even if the audio portion was painful. He even sealed the dance with a lingering kiss at the end (Are these two an item?). Carrie bestows the first 10 of the season on Romeo.
Ok, here’s the thing. Mark Ballas is by far the best choreographer on the show. He really pushes the envelope and uses his imagination to keep us entertained. That was a fantastic and fun routine… to the point where I almost forgot that I cannot stand that song. It’s so bad that it makes me break out in a rash. Yes, I dislike it that intensely. But I digress. It just bums me out that I cannot get 100% on board with Mark because his partner DRIVES ME BANANAS… and this week is dressed like a banana. Coincidence? I know I drone on about the pucker but it’s actually the thing causing the rash this week…. Yes, that’s the cause! Don’t look at me like that. Pucker aside, the dance was great and Carrie Ann bestows the second 10. Magic happens twice.
Yes, that’s Bruno waiving a dollar at Kendra. And yes, that’s what her dance this week modeled itself after. The only thing missing was a pole. I give it to Louie though. He finally figured out how to choreograph a dance that Kendra could pull off. She did actually crack a joke during rehearsals this week….But I still find her to be miserable and whiny. I want her to go home. I wish she’d go home. Please send her home. I’m begging here.
Hines “No Guilt. Just Pleasure.” Ward
Look at that poise! No seriously. Take a minute. Look. Admire. Enjoy. While I take issue with his pants choice, Hines worked the floor again this week. And seriously, he practices at home with a pillow? Does it get any more adorable than that? I think not. He earned straight 9′s from the judges. I think he would have gotten a 10 had they maybe pushed the envelope a bit. Well, I think that because the judges said it… but I agree! He didn’t make the top of the leader board this week but he’s not going anywhere.
Karina took a pretty big tumble this week but that wasn’t the awkward part of this number. The Sgt. Pepper outfit while dancing ballroom to a club hit was the awkward part of this number. After last week’s rodeo mixed with ballroom catastrophe, I’m not sure this was the way to go. This was way more wax off than wax on. But I give him props for the way he comforted Karina afterwards. That was most cool. His scores were not great… He may be in trouble here.
As I refuse to give this show 3.5 hours of my life in a week, I did something productive during the first hour of the results extravaganza. I watched Repo Games on Spike TV. If you haven’t yet witnessed this train wreck, I highly highly recommend it. It’s a game show mashed together with car repossession. How brilliant! But what do you expect from the producers that brought us Jersey Shore? I did catch a bit of Rock Of Ages (I keep calling it Rock of Love) but couldn’t take more than a few seconds of Constatine Maroulis. What’s the appeal? I don’t get it.
And while I’d like to wax poetic about the extremely guilty pleasure that is New Kids on the Block and the bizarre “Stand By Me” routine by the Macy’s dancers and the really beautiful dance performed by Mark & Karina to “I’ll Stand By You” by Glee’s Pia Toscano… Yeah, I know it’s American Idol but she’s better suited to Glee and will be cast as Rachel’s rival next season… You heard it here first… Fine, I totally made that up… Wait, where was I? Oh yeah, I’d be totally into giving you the who’s who and what’s what about that but I’m far too busy being PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSED. Really America? You sent my Chris home? Kendra stays and Chris goes? Where is the justice in that? Feh… I’m going to go crack open a bottle of Conundrum and plot my revenge.