One Sentence Summary: Joe is in the hot-seat, let the denials begin.
Rachel: Oh dear Lord, there are 3 episodes of this reunion, not two. Why? Why does anyone need 3 hours of screaming incessantly. I read somewhere that they taped this for 12 or 13 hours. I can’t imagine that anyone thought that was a good idea by the end. Imagine how the editors, cameramen, etc. felt trapped in that studio all day. Man, I hope craft services was on point with some good snacks. That’s just insanity. Then again, so is watching this nonsense.
Melissa: We’re back for round 2 of the reunion, and if previews are to be believed, Joe finally gets his say as to who was on the phone. Yeah, he’ll go with an employee and they pulled audio from something else and spliced it all together to look bad. Teresa of course will spin it that everyone is out to set her up. That’s my guess.
Part 2 – Right Where We Left Off…
Melissa’s What Happened: Here we go, back with Rosie backstage getting all sorts of in a twist over Teresa’s attacks against her father. Personally I’d love to let Rosie open a can of whoop ass all over this stage. Someone needs to listen to Caroline that talking about the parents is wrong. Especially deceased parents. At least Lauren is back stage to calm Rosie down. Way to go Lauren, glad you stepped in to diffuse the situation. Melissa gets her say against Teresa telling her she doesn’t get to play victim after bashing Melissa and her marriage all season long. Gotta agree with the lady on that one. I have to also think after all this screaming none of them had a voice the next day. Sheesh! I feel like my ears are about to bleed.
Rachel: Well, my DVR also thinks it’s insane to watch this as it didn’t bother taping tonight’s episode. So, I missed the first 3 minutes only to come in on insane screaming and yelling between Caroline, Melissa & Teresa. Don’t know why. Don’t care. Moving on…
YAY, It’s Rosie!!
Melissa’s What Happened: I love they are bringing back Rosie’s story line. This is what family should do, love and support each other. Oh, and the flash back of Teresa’s Solid Gold look. Yipes! Aw man, I’m getting all teared up with Rosie telling people to talk to their families. That’s right Kathy you tell Teresa to shut up and let Rosie talk. Rosie tells Teresa she can say whatever she wants because she and Kathy know the truth, and of course Teresa can’t argue… Because she knows it too. Oh, hey Rosie is single, that’s too bad… fingers crossed you find a keeper sweetie. Props to you Rosie, I adore you brought such an awesome bit of humor to the show.
Rachel: Love me some Rosie. She really is the one that deserves her own show. Oh lord and the screaming again. We were having such a nice moment. Thank you, Andy, for bringing it back to the subject at hand. Let Rosie have her moment and give Andy his moment with Rosie having her moment.
Napa RV Trip
Melissa’s What Happened: Melissa is a toucher, good to know… And there are no boundaries where she’s concerned. That was big of Kathy to apologize for her words, but watch Teresa dance away from accepting the apology. I love that she doesn’t feel any need to apologize for her words. You’re such a nightmare Teresa. I really wish you could see yourself the way everyone else does. Ugh, the infamous Napa fight… And no, Jacqueline wasn’t sleeping through that. There’s no need to make up any excuse, thanks for owning it Jac. Wait, someone is really likening Caroline’s “bullying” to the way Teresa treated Danielle. Too bad Teresa can’t come up with any example for how Caroline bullied her. Wait, if the bullying doesn’t effect you then how is it bullying? Wait, Teresa was upset when Melissa and Kathy came on the show to talk about her? Are you kidding? I’m sorry, I thought it was the Real Housewives of New Jersey. I didn’t know it was the Teresa show. Caroline is quick to point out that Teresa pulled Dina on the show to talk about her, and yet that was completely acceptable.
Rachel: Thank you, Andy, for stopping the talk about moms. These ladies should know better. And I would like to give Kathy credit for apologizing to Teresa for bringing up her mom, but there is so much anger behind the apology it seems totally insincere. I’m so confused by Teresa’s musical chairs. You’re not more welcome on that couch. Wait, did Teresa just ask what’s wrong with calling someone the c word? Oh I guess she has to make it insignificant since her husband called her that. Can we just move on to that conversation? That I need to hear. Jacqueline was not sleeping, we all know it and we can move on now. Can someone define bully for Teresa? She can’t answer a question if she doesn’t know what the word means. Oh, Caroline, why are you trying to use logic where none applies. Teresa just looks like a deer in headlights when anyone asks her a question that requires more than a yes or no answer. Look, Mensa isn’t knocking on the Guidice’s door so let’s not try and pretend that Teresa can process parallels about sisterhood. She can’t even spell “parallels”, let alone pontificate about them.
Melissa’s What Happened: What’s funny to me through this montage is that Teresa can’t stand that there is a montage dedicated to Melissa. Oh, it’s the simple things in life my friends. Melissa is ready with a new song and video, good on you girl, take advantage of your 15 minutes. Hey now, it looks like Teresa has been blogging that she thinks Melissa lip syncs every time she performs. Thanks Melis for quickly pointing out that it’s just another way of Teresa going after her, yet if she were to say anything about her cookbooks there would be hell to pay. Hell Yeah Melissa, oh that was brilliant. Color me impressed, and that’s awesome listening to Teresa trying to sing… Emphasis on “trying”. HA, love you Jacqueline for ‘going to sleep’. Here we go, the question about Melissa and Joe selling the house. That’s right, she doesn’t want her kids to go to school with Teresa’s. I don’t blame you sweetie, they attack their own family as it is. Ah, here we go… The contact with Danielle. I’m about over this little drama. How many years ago was that? Though it does justify Teresa’s behavior toward Melissa… In her mind. So for that, Teresa can call Melissa a gold digger, and stripper, and ready to leave Joe for a richer man. Poor Melissa still trying to get Teresa to admit to anything she’s done or said. You might actually have a better shot at turning water to wine my dear… Or finding a leprechaun riding a unicorn in your back yard. Wait, Melissa wrote On Display about Teresa?? Holy No She Di-in’t I almost spit my wine across the room!! Now Teresa is saying Melissa came on the show to hurt her? No, sorry… To destroy her. You’re insane woman! Oh, to prove she’s happy Caroline and Jacqueline are out of her life she starts thanking God while bowing to the table? Sweet Mary she’s unhinged.
Rachel: Oh boy, Teresa’s head must be ready to explode. A whole segment about someone that’s not her. Wow, I think Teresa is sincerely insane. Sane rational people … their brains just don’t even go where hers goes. Sing the whole song? WTF? Did she have a pocket autotuner ready to go for that little part that she just sang? And for the record, what you did, that was not singing Teresa. Oh Melissa, don’t even stoop to her level. It’s not worth your time. Now I understand why Teresa’s wearing green. She’s the big angry jealousy monster.
Oh I had no idea the statue of limitations on being a gold digger ended after 8 years of marriage. Congratulations Melissa, glad you’re now just a loving wife. That Teresa sure is generous. Whoa… I was just humming along over here waiting for this Danielle chatter to end with some kind of point made by someone when I’m pretty sure I heard Teresa say “On Display” was written about her. Say what? That’s so bizarre. And that’s so narcissistic. And it’s also so textbook Teresa. She really believes the entire world revolves around her. Um, is she really on her knees right now genuflecting over a table in thanks for not having Caroline & Jacqueline in her life? OK, I’m sorry. Anyone out there still on Team Teresa has got to give me some kind of reason why other than she’s a lunatic and they find that entertaining. I find her to be one of the most vile creatures on the planet at this point… and that’s even in an election year.
Melissa’s What Happened: Why does Joe get to have any spotlight on the show? Oh right, to defend his comments about Teresa. WOW, upon hearing her husband talk about what a good mother and wife she is she doesn’t even crack a smile. Nada!! Wait, they got remarried? And THAT was the ensemble she chose to commemorate the occasion? What crazy shenanigans is that? Right, so who he was talking to to an old friend from back home. Wait, did he just say C wasn’t in his vocabulary? Are you kidding? Oh, then… AND THEN… the Spanish pizza guy got on the phone? That’s the biggest bit of nonsense I’ve ever heard. Hang on, now he’s trying to blame Bravo for showing the comment because he needed to go to the jewelry store to make up for it. Did Teresa try to flip things around and say that Chris cheated on Jacqueline? Snap, Jacqueline pulling out Teresa catching with a woman on his desk? Way to sink like an anvil to her level… Rise above Jacqueline, rise above! She’s so not worth it. She might be a bitch, but karma is an even bigger bitch and very patient.
Rachel: Oh, the moment of truth… Or more like the moment of spin doctoring. Although first can we discuss the wedding vow renewal. Holy 1980′s hair! And that dress makes her look like she was attacked by the Stay-Puf Marshmallow Man. That’s a whole lotta dress and a whole lotta ugly. I wonder if anyone is buying what Joe is selling. Wait, he just said that he shouldn’t have said what he said TO her, which would indicate the person on the phone was a she. He didn’t say ABOUT her, which would mean Teresa. Hmm… freudian slip there friend. Wait, really Teresa? You’re laughing off the fact that he called you a c word? Denial… deep deep denial. A Spanish pizza guy? This might be the worst cover story ever told. Oh well of course, jewelry is always the perfect apology for calling your wife a terrible name.
Rachel: Woo, lots of dirty laundry and cheating husbands. Oh Jacqueline, stop. Stop stop stop. This is all just so dirty and low class. She’s standing by her man… for whatever reason that is unfathomable to me other than she doesn’t want all the naysayers to be right. You’re sticking by your man. The end. Oh and it is the end… Thank freaking heaven.
Rachel: That was loud. Again. And remember when I said Teresa is the most vile creature? I’d like to retract that. I think Joe Guidice is. One more hour of this shit and we can all move on.
Melissa: Amen Rach, only one more hour!! I only hope we survive as the rest of the men get their say.