One Sentence Summary: Another season comes to an end, as do friendships.
Um, is that Guillermo on the left? Whoever it is is the hottest guy in the pic.
Rachel: So, after talking to a few people over the past week about the Kristen v Jax battle for truth, it seems I’m one of the few that thinks Jax is lying about sleeping with Kristen. The main arguments for this being true are that, a) Kristen is gross and would probably sleep with Jax and b) Jax has the texts to prove it. Both are fair points, but I’m still not buying it. Why? Because a) Kristen, yes, is gross, but Jax is so much grosser that I just can’t see her hooking up with him and his supplemented-out body. But I don’t know how anyone sleeps with him… and b) It’s so easy to fake texts nowadays. A cursory Google search brought up more than enough web apps willing to do your dirty work and send texts from either anonymous sources or fake names… like Kristen. Maybe Jax isn’t smart enough to have created fake proof of a relationship, but Stassi is. No part of me would put it past her to have conspired with Jax to create proof so she could, as she likes to say, take down Kristen. I don’t know. Maybe I’m wrong, but they’re all so morally bankrupt that it’s hard to really care about any of it. I just thought I’d share my two cents… Now, let’s end this season already and move on to some other terrible show Bravo has in store for us.
Rachel: Honestly, do we have to go to every one of Stassi’s beauty appointments? It’s ridiculous, but I guess she doesn’t do much of anything else. It’s not like she’s volunteering at a homeless shelter or participating in a book club. So, yeah, Continue reading
One Sentence Summary: Stassi takes her scheming to new lows.
Looks like Tom feels the same way about Jax as the rest of us.
Rachel: You know, I’m starting to think that this show is either an elaborate hoax, like The Hills was. I mean are there really people this terrible existing in the real world? So it’s either a hoax or Lisa Vanderpump has succeeded in finding the 5 worst people in LA (Stassi, Jax, Kristen, Tom & Katie) and hiring them for her show… er, I mean restaurant. I mean I just can’t decide who is the biggest asshole of the group since they are constantly battling for that crown. I wouldn’t have put Tom in here a couple weeks ago, because while he clearly is ball-less, he didn’t seem like a total douchebag. I’ve changed my mind. When you are exposed as a serial cheater that made Kristen almost … ALMOST… seem like a sympathetic character, you have reached complete suckitude and are now added to the worst people ever list. You made me almost …ALMOST… feel sympathy for that lunatic girlfriend of yours and that is not cool. Not cool at all. Here’s a hint to the producers at Bravo, we need someone to root for. You cannot have an entire cast of assholes with zero redeeming qualities and expect us to keep coming back for more. I think Peter & Ariana might be root-able, but they’re not around enough to matter. Work it out while I go and watch these dipshits sink to new levels of suck. It’s amazing how such shallow people can sink so low. Continue reading
One Sentence Summary: Carlton’s naughty and nice are on display tonight, and we’re not just talking about her bits.
Rage against the sunlight.
Rachel: Yeah, so I’m straight up skipping last week’s show. I sincerely doubt I missed much more than Lisa & Brandi sniping and Kyle trying to win back her Most Popular tiara. I prefer to jump straight to Carlton casting spells on people. That sounds like a far better time to me. I’ve got to pick out a big, deep red wine for this event. Feels like a good spicy Zin would match up well with a spell, don’t you? Besides, I’m feeling a little run down after a week with family so I think the antioxidants in the wine will help make me feel better as well. Yep, it’s my medicine people. Don’t judge.
Carlton wishes she had signed up for painted lady duties.
Rachel: Carlton is preparing for her pool party and explaining to her children that they cannot come because the adult behavior will be too… adult. Thankfully, they’re out of the house when the people from the Hustler shop arrive and the um, models, start getting painted gold. She’s ready to shock the other ladies Continue reading
One Sentence Summary: Stassi’s birthday comes to an end with her getting nothing she wanted except for the drunk part.
This birthday smells like shit.
Rachel: Yeah, there are a couple episodes missing from this blogger, but I’m really over this crew of idiots. Honestly, I’m convinced the combined IQ of the entire lot of them is a whopping 30 and that’s being generous. I will give them credit for dropping a couple laugh bombs on the table during Lisa’s crazy dinner with the RHOBH crew, but put a monkey in front of a typewriter long enough and he’ll bang out a sentence. Plus, those women are pretty easy targets. And then there’s Stassi’s birthday trip to Cabo. And in case you didn’t know, it was Stassi’s birthday. But if you forget she’ll remind you that it’s her birthday. I am pretty sure the military could air that episode on a loop as a torture method to get the enemy to talk. “Please, I’ll tell you anything! Just make her stop saying it’s her birthday!” And while I don’t necessarily condone Schwartz’s behavior, I kinda really loved him dumping a bottle of water all over Katie. That had to be brewing for a while. She’s awful. They’re all awful. And if you happened to catch Kristen on WWHL, you’ll agree that she’s just as awful in real life. Wow, full of yourself much? I got news for you, you aren’t all that. And Tom, the glasses aren’t fooling anyone into thinking you’re a brainiac. All that being said, I can’t wait to watch Kristen try and throw an ultimatum at Lisa. I hope Lisa rips her a new asshole.
Rachel: And we’re back to the birthday dinner post-Katie’s exit and in the middle of Stassi’s tantrum. She can’t even order her dinner now because Katie is ruining Continue reading