One-Sentence Summary: The Stars get patriotic during “America Week”.
My Thoughts: Oh boy, America Week. I can’t wait to see what joys this theme brings. From the looks of the intro, we can expect the American flag to reimagined as bustiers and low-rise pants. That seems patriotic. I’m sure that’s what Betsy Ross had in mind when she was sewing the first flag. I read once that she was even thinking of starting her own Stars & Stripes fashion line but just couldn’t find the time (She was a very busy woman, people. Read your history books.). You know what else seems patriotic? Dancing the samba. Nothing says Americana like Latin dance. I mean shouldn’t you have to do… I don’t know, the Hustle? Or the Electric Slide? Or some American dance that we won’t be too embarrassed to admit we invented. Alright, let’s get this party started… How many dances until someone does An Officer & A Gentleman tribute?
Um. The samba. In a cowboy hat. To Lynyrd Skynyrd. I don’t really have words. I do have letters though and I believe they are W, T & F. Seriously, WTF? That actually confused me. They got not so great scores so I guess the judges didn’t get it either despite Carrie Ann’s gushing. I think Ralph might be in the bottom three… which will be even more humiliating in the outfit… but I doubt he’s leaving this week.
First soldier costume of the night goes to Chris. It was a good dance but kinda boring. I have to admit he looks kinda cute with his hair combed all nice & neat like that. Yes, I’m falling under the Chris Jericho spell. Next thing you know, I’m gonna be writing a letter to his fan club (address found in the back of Bop, of course) asking for an autographed picture. Judges seem to be feeling the effects of the Jericho fairy dust and give him his highest score of the season… including the “8” from Len which Chris was about to Figure Four Leglock out of him.
Petra is starting to grow on me. I want to dislike her because… well, because it’s what I do but she really is a nice person. Petra had never heard of Elvis growing up in the Communist-ruled Czechoslovakia (Yeah, I know it’s the Czech Republic now) and reflects on the beauty of life. Nice moment… I half expect bunny rabbits to nestle at her feet and a bluebird to land on her shoulder. It’s so crazy to think that you can grow up never even hearing of Elvis. I believe in America you can be deported for not having heard an Elvis song by the time you’re sixteen. Pretty sure it’s a question on the driver’s test. Anywho, Petra’s lovely. Her dancing is not. She may go home before this friendship is on solid ground.
Romeo got serious about the competition this week and put it into high gear. He was so intense about his dancing that he went all Michael Jordan on us… tongue hanging out everywhere. But he was feeling it and it showed. He also danced the Foxtrot which I think just might be an American dance. Judges give him high enough scores to tie for first. I like this kid. He can stay.
Hines “Let’s Do It For Our Country” Ward
<<awkward silence>>……….. Well, I should have seen it coming being that he was wearing a white sailor’s outfit. Behold the Officer & Gentleman moment. And as if it wasn’t bad enough, they danced it to “God Bless The USA” which is one of the worst songs in the history of songs. Look, I know it’s patriotic and it might make you want to put a boot in someone’s ass but it’s a suck-ass song. It really is. That being said, Hines worked it out and made the dance floor his bitch. Highest score of the night. Straight nines!
What made this dance American was the cheese. I know I’m going to upset a lot of the ladies out there that love themselves some Maks (Can I call you Maksi Pads?) but that was just Velveeta. Now I loves me a nice set of abs as much as the next lady but that reeked of narcissism. Boring… boring. But they did get John Travolta to swing by rehearsal and give them some dancing tips. Oh, those Scientologists. They’re such cards. Kirstie & Maks may be in trouble.
Oh do shut up, Kendra. Once again Kendra is upset and spends half the rehearsal footage bitching about Carrie Ann calling her out about elegance. I don’t know how Louie puts up with it. Methinks his patience is wearing as thin as ours and this ridiculous number feels almost like sabotage. Well played, Louie. Well played. I want her gone… Now. Her scores are crappy so maybe my wish will come true.
Chelsea likes three things: America, Miley Cyrus and partying. Awesome. I can barely focus on the dancing with this chick. All I can see is that pout. That pout haunts me where I sleep. And what is with her wearing tiny spandex dresses to rehearsal? This is a family show, lady. The only saving grace here is that it’s the last dance and tonight’s show was only 90 minutes. That’s a 30-minute gift for those that don’t feel like doing the math. It’s also 30 minutes earlier that I get to take my Nyquil and numb the pain. Chelsea got great scores. She’s staying put…
Ok, I cannot tell a lie. I DVR’d tonight, fast forwarded til I saw that Hines was safe and then fast forwarded to the elimination. I just can’t watch Toby Keith. I’m not gonna get all political on here as it’s not the place… Suffice it to say, I’m not a fan. So, let’s move past it and get to the subject at hand… The fact that Kendra is not in the bottom three AGAIN and Chris Jericho is. What in the tarnation is going on here??? Are there really more boob-obsessed geeks out there than there are WWE fans? I find this hard to believe.
Kirstie and Maks are in the bottom as well but are saved first. It comes down to Chris & Petra. Petra is sent home. Just when I was starting to like her too. Ah well, she is thankful for the attention her Happy Hearts Foundation has received and leaves like a lady.
That’s it. Next week I’m voting for everyone except Kendra… yes, including Chelsea. See what this show has done to me?