Tag Archives: Kirstie Alley

Dancing With The Stars – Week 5 & Results Show

One-Sentence Summary:  The Stars get patriotic during “America Week”.

Kendra Finally Shows Us Her Real Talent

My Thoughts:  Oh boy, America Week.  I can’t wait to see what joys this theme brings.  From the looks of the intro, we can expect the American flag to reimagined as bustiers and low-rise pants.  That seems patriotic.  I’m sure that’s what Betsy Ross had in mind when she was sewing the first flag.  I read once that she was even thinking of starting her own Stars & Stripes fashion line but just couldn’t find the time (She was a very busy woman, people.  Read your history books.).   You know what else seems patriotic?  Dancing the samba.  Nothing says Americana like Latin dance.  I mean shouldn’t you have to do… I don’t know, the Hustle?  Or the Electric Slide?  Or some American dance that we won’t be too embarrassed to admit we invented.  Alright, let’s get this party started… How many dances until someone does An Officer & A Gentleman tribute?

Ralph kicks up his heels and dances the samba to Sweet Home Alabama.

Um.  The samba.  In a cowboy hat.  To Lynyrd Skynyrd.  I don’t really have words.  I do have letters though and I believe they are W, T & F.  Seriously, WTF?  That actually confused me.  They got not so great scores so I guess the judges didn’t get it either despite Carrie Ann’s gushing.  I think Ralph might be in the bottom three… which will be even more humiliating in the outfit… but I doubt he’s leaving this week.

Chris Jericho

Chris & Cheryl go really old school with America The Beautiful.

First soldier costume of the night goes to Chris.  It was a good dance but kinda boring.  I have to admit he looks kinda cute with his hair combed all nice & neat like that.  Yes, I’m falling under the Chris Jericho spell.  Next thing you know, I’m gonna be writing a letter to his fan club (address found in the back of Bop, of course) asking for an autographed picture.  Judges seem to be feeling the effects of the Jericho fairy dust and give him his highest score of the season… including the “8″ from Len which Chris was about to Figure Four Leglock out of him.

Petra Nemcova

The Czech & the Russian dance to Elvis’s Viva Las Vegas. 


Petra is starting to grow on me.  I want to dislike her because… well, because it’s what I do but she really is a nice person.  Petra had never heard of Elvis growing up in the Communist-ruled Czechoslovakia (Yeah, I know it’s the Czech Republic now) and reflects on the beauty of life.  Nice moment… I half expect bunny rabbits to nestle at her feet and a bluebird to land on her shoulder.  It’s so crazy to think that you can grow up never even hearing of Elvis.  I believe in America you can be deported for not having heard an Elvis song by the time you’re sixteen.  Pretty sure it’s a question on the driver’s test.  Anywho, Petra’s lovely.  Her dancing is not.  She may go home before this friendship is on solid ground.

Romeo

Romeo channels his inner Rat Pack with Sinatra’s New York, New York.

Romeo got serious about the competition this week and put it into high gear.  He was so intense about his dancing that he went all Michael Jordan on us… tongue hanging out everywhere.  But he was feeling it and it showed.  He also danced the Foxtrot which I think just might be an American dance.  Judges give him high enough scores to tie for first. I like this kid.  He can stay.

Hines “Let’s Do It For Our Country” Ward

Hines & his half-naked partner dance to God Bless The USA.

<<awkward silence>>……….. Well, I should have seen it coming being that he was wearing a white sailor’s outfit.  Behold the Officer & Gentleman moment.  And as if it wasn’t bad enough, they danced it to “God Bless The USA” which is one of the worst songs in the history of songs.  Look, I know it’s patriotic and it might make you want to put a boot in someone’s ass but it’s a suck-ass song.  It really is.  That being said, Hines worked it out and made the dance floor his bitch.  Highest score of the night.  Straight nines!

Kirstie Alley

Kirstie & Maks gyrate to American Woman.

What made this dance American was the cheese.  I know I’m going to upset a lot of the ladies out there that love themselves some Maks (Can I call you Maksi Pads?) but that was just Velveeta.  Now I loves me a nice set of abs as much as the next lady but that reeked of narcissism.  Boring… boring.  But they did get John Travolta to swing by rehearsal and give them some dancing tips.  Oh, those Scientologists.  They’re such cards.  Kirstie & Maks may be in trouble.

Kendra Wilkinson

Kendra bitches, moans and dances to Yankee Doodle Dandy.

Oh do shut up, Kendra.  Once again Kendra is upset and spends half the rehearsal footage bitching about Carrie Ann calling her out about elegance.  I don’t know how Louie puts up with it.  Methinks his patience is wearing as thin as ours and this ridiculous number feels almost like sabotage.  Well played, Louie.  Well played.   I want her gone… Now.  Her scores are crappy so maybe my wish will come true.

Chelsea Kane

Lemony Snickett is back with a Party In The USA by Miley Cyrus

Chelsea likes three things:  America, Miley Cyrus and partying.  Awesome.  I can barely focus on the dancing with this chick.  All I can see is that pout.  That pout haunts me where I sleep.  And what is with her wearing tiny spandex dresses to rehearsal?  This is a family show, lady.  The only saving grace here is that it’s the last dance and tonight’s show was only 90 minutes.  That’s a 30-minute gift for those that don’t feel like doing the math.  It’s also 30 minutes earlier that I get to take my Nyquil and numb the pain.  Chelsea got great scores.  She’s staying put…

The Results

Ok, I cannot tell a lie.  I DVR’d tonight, fast forwarded til I saw that Hines was safe and then fast forwarded to the elimination.  I just can’t watch Toby Keith.  I’m not gonna get all political on here as it’s not the place… Suffice it to say, I’m not a fan.  So, let’s move past it and get to the subject at hand… The fact that Kendra is not in the bottom three AGAIN and Chris Jericho is.  What in the tarnation is going on here???  Are there really more boob-obsessed geeks out there than there are WWE fans?  I find this hard to believe.

Kirstie and Maks are in the bottom as well but are saved first.  It comes down to Chris & Petra.  Petra is sent home.  Just when I was starting to like her too.  Ah well, she is thankful for the attention her Happy Hearts Foundation has received and leaves like a lady.

That’s it.  Next week I’m voting for everyone except Kendra… yes, including Chelsea.  See what this show has done to me?

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Dancing With The Stars – Week 4 & Results Show

One-Sentence Summary: The Stars dance to classical music which is also the first time some are hearing classical music.

Bruno Channels His Inner Black Swan

My Thoughts:

Rachel: Again, sorry for the lateness.  I’m clearly overwhelmed which is no excuse when it comes to a DWTS blog post.  I need to be spoken to about my priorities… again.  Anywhooters, here we are again for another week of this nonsense.  And as usual, I have some suggestions for how this show could be more interesting.  Yes, I’m aware they are going completely ignored.  No, I am not going to stop trying.  If I can’t have my Jeffrey Osbourne “On The Wings Of Love” in the Bachelor, I’m going to damn well have… something… um, on some show… at some point.  Now, where was I… Oh yes, suggestion box.  I find it boring (read: disingenuous) to see the stars cheering & clapping for each other after each dance.  Can’t we get a little catty drama up in here?  Like Ralph Macchio should do a little “Wax On Wax Off” action on Maxim in honor of his dancing partner Karina.  Now that would be awesome.  And don’t give me any crap about this being a classy show.  No one wants to see that.  And by no one, I mean me.

Romeo

Romeo dances the Paso Doble to “Palladio, First Movement”

 

Romeo goes shirtless and causes a frenzy.  Len started talking about whips.  Bruno was rambling about six packs.  And Carrie Ann gushed about his “swagga”.  For a minute I thought I was watching a contest to find the next star of Thunder Down Under.  Either way, all this talk about Romeo’s abs is making me uncomfortable.  He’s staying.  I’m moving on.

Kendra Wilkinson

Kendra does the Viennese Waltz to “Time To Say Goodbye” and bitches as usual.


Officially my patience with Kendra is gone.  Done.  Over.  Really?  Pretending to vomit from having to listen to Classical music?  And heaven forbid, someone ask you to be ladylike and elegant.  Carrie Ann even tries to explain that elegance isn’t that far from sexy.  Kendra says, “I just don’t care about it.”  Groan.  Then to complain about having to do another ballroom dance?  Do you know what show you signed up for?  No, I’m asking honestly.  She really may not know.  Judges are annoyed as well.  I’m thinking we’ve seen the last of her. 

Sugar Ray

Sugar Ray dances to the “Waltz of the Flowers” from The Nutcracker.


Oh how I loved that!  I’m actually smiling from ear to ear.  It may be time for my DWTS intervention.  But while everyone writes their “I will no longer support you in the following ways…” letters, I am going to enjoy that.  It might not have been the best dancing the world has seen but it was super fun.  How can you not find a dapper smiling Sugar Ray adorable? I think he may get the “aww” vote this week.

Petra Nemcova

Petra dances to “Les Voici! Voici La Quadrille!” from Carmen.


Petra claims she’s too nice to channel the darkness needed for Carmen.  So, Dmitry arranges a photo shoot for her to help channel her inner-diva.  This Dmitry is really milking his time with the supermodel.  I give him a little wink wink nudge nudge for his craftiness.  As for the dancing, it was rather mannish and awkward if you ask me… and Len.  Bruno, on the other hand, was coming out of his clothes.  Literally.  Can someone please give that man a muscle relaxer before I need to go to therapy from the emotional damage he has caused?  She’s staying. 

Ralph Macchio

Ralph channels the tragedy is “Romeo & Juliet”.


Did we make it through a whole Ralph segment with zero reference to his movie career?  Hot damn!  Miracles do happen, mama!  Ok, I’m being melodramatic but I’m running out of steam here.  Ralph was only half “Spatula Hand Man” tonight.  Judges declare him back on his game.  He’s sticking around another week.

Hines Ward

Hines dances to “Explosive”… that’s right!  I said, “Explosive!”


Hell yeah!  Hines brings his A game and his teammates to the show!  Just when I think I’m out, they pull me back in.  I just can’t resist a wave of the Terrible Towel.  Highest scores of the night!  I think I might need to march around my house singing the Steelers Fight Song now.  Oh don’t judge me.  I’m not hurting anyone. Hines is in.

Chelsea Kane

Tonight it’s “Hedwig’s Theme” for this couple.


Oh joy… It’s Lemony Snicket.  Apparently this song is from Harry Potter… and yes, I remain the only person on earth who has not seen the movies or read the books.  But I have ridden the roller coaster… twice!  I guess it does sound somewhat familiar.  Ok, this week was less puckery but she still makes me bananas.  And she was given higher marks than Hines… Now, it’s on!  There’s a target on your back, lady!  And at some point, I may even vote!  She’s for sure staying.

Chris Jericho

Chris dances to “In The Hall of The Mountain King”… so that’s what it’s called.


OK, I can’t hide it anymore.  My name is Rachel and I am totally crushing on Chris Jericho.  He’s just kinda awesome.  He’s still riding shotgun to Hines on the Fan-Wagon but he’s overtaken Le Macchio as second string.  That’s saying something being that Ralph and I have that bad ’80s haircut bonding us.  Chris rocked it tonight but after he made the bottom three last week, I can’t feel super confident.  Fingers crossed… but not dialing.

Kirstie Alley

Kirstie & Maks do the Waltz to “The Flower Duet”.


Poor Kirstie.  Second week in a row with a mishap.  Not only is she dancing through a hip injury but she loses her shoe halfway through the dance.  However, she is looking much more svelte this week.  Gotta give a girl her due… now that she no longer looks like she’s “due”.  Come on!  It was right there.  I had to jump on it.  Kirstie stays.  People like her.  They really really like her.

Results Show

They really can crap away an hour unlike any other show ever.  This week, violinist David Garrett plays Aerosmith while the dance crew performs, Len does something weird with the military and Jennifer Hudson performs… twice.  Second time… That friggin’ horribly annoying song from the Weight Watchers commercials.  I like JHud.  She looks great.  But that song… oh, that song… it’s my nemesis.  I’d fight it if I could.  Bruno got his wish and there was a beautiful ballet performance from Swan Lake.  That I will give two thumbs up…  Yeah, yeah.  I know.  Wrong show.

Chelsea “Lemony Snicket” Kane gets the encore dance and then is told she is in the bottom three.  I guess I’m not the only one over the pucker… but to have the top score and be in the bottom three…  Yeow.  Petra is also up for elimination which is no surprise.  The legs didn’t pull their weight this week.  What is a surprise is that Kendra skates through and Sugar Ray ends up on the chopping block.  Sadly, Sugar Ray gets the ax.  America, what is wrong with you?  You disappoint me greatly. 


Dancing With The Stars – Week 3 and Results Show

One Sentence Summary: The “stars” pick a song that has special meaning to them and Bruno continues to freak me out with his gyrations.

Brooke whips out one of her old DWTS costumes. She won't let her boobs be upstaged two weeks in a row.

My Thoughts:

Rachel: If you told me a month ago that not only would I be watching Dancing With The Stars but also kinda sorta enjoying it, I’d have slapped you Alexis Morrell Carrington Colby Dexter style and thrown Melissa’s Skinny Girl Margarita in your face.  What?  She said she didn’t like it and I’m not wasting a good glass of Peter Lehmann Shiraz over something that silly.  I think they must insert some subliminal messaging that includes pictures of Christian Bale in the shower from American Psycho to lure in viewers.  Well played, DWTS.  Well played.

However, I do have three complaints… nay, creative “suggestions”… for those running the show over at ABC.  1.  Can we not see the contestants prior to their dances?  Look, I know it’s not America’s Next Top Model but I kinda like the surprise of seeing what each team is wearing.  Why ruin it for me just so they can walk down the stairs?  2.  Is the Dance Troupe really necessary?  Really?  Really?  I’m going with no.  Back-ups should be seen only when called to duty.  3.  Cutting these two things could knock a solid 30 minutes off the running time which is 30 minutes less that I have to feel shame about watching this show.  Thank you.

Anywhooters, this week the stars (as their contracts stipulate they be called) had to dig deep into their souls, share an emotional story from their life & pick a song that exemplifies that story.  I’m gonna say that, for the most part, they spun some touching tales… with only one “Are You Blanking Kidding Me” moment.  There’s one in every crowd.  We can’t all swim in the deep end of the pool…

Wendy Williams

Wendy chose “Last Night A DJ Saved My Life” commemorating the nights of her life spent living in a car traveling from radio station gig to radio station gig.


Well, last week Wendy seemed a bit more sure-footed which is really not saying much considering what Week 1 looked like.  This week, not so much.  It can’t be easy trying to be light on your feet when your feet resemble battleships.  Look at those monsters!  Great story about overcoming adversity but, unless there is a huge Wendy Williams fan base out there that I don’t know about, it’s not looking good. 

Chelsea Kane

Chelsea dances to a song called “Chelsea” that was written for her by a band no one’s heard of.


Chelsea regales us with her tale of first love.  A boy wrote a song for her and they started dating the next day.  Yes, Chelsea.  That is “epic”.  Nothing says deep meaningful love like lyrics that say “Chelsea Chelsea, I think it’s about time we get down.”  I guess I can’t expect much life from her at 25 (I don’t even know if she’s 25… I can’t muster the energy to look it up… so 25 it is) but… well, she just bugs the living shit out of me.  That’s really the bottom line here.  And that pucker!  OMG THAT PUCKER!  Please… I beg of you… stop.  It’s seriously the nails on the chalkboard of ballroom dancing.  You thought that was Bruno?  No, he’s the chewing tin foil of ballroom dancing.  She’ll stick around another week just to spite me. 

Chris “Jericho” Irving

Chris dances to “Let It Be” in memory of his mother whom he lost after she suffered a debilitating car accident. He used his given last name in her honor.

One second, please.  I must be allergic to something in this room.  My eyes suddenly seem to be watering.  So weird.  What?  No, I am so not crying.  Why would I be crying?  Just because a man can let down his guard and be vulnerable for his deceased mother in front of the whole world doesn’t mean tears… Ok, fine it does.  I admit it.  I’m bawling like a baby that just got it’s binky ripped from its lips.  Where’s that wine bottle… The dance was good and the sentiment was beautiful.  Chris stays.

Kendra Wilkinson

Kendra dances to “You & Me Against the World” to celebrate her bond with her husband.  Apparently the towns folks were none too please about her being Hank’s choice for wife.


The Rumba is Kendra’s dance.  Roll and sway your hips and you’re golden.  She couldn’t quite figure out the smoke machine and stumbled in the opening.  I would like to rip her here for the stumble but, let’s be honest, I’d have been reduced to a pile of illusion netting on the floor if I had to navigate steps and smoke.  Bruno loved her and her stripper past.  Let us know he has a certain fondness for the pole… Um, no you don’t.  No.  You don’t.  None of us are buying what you’re trying to sell us.  Kendra stays.

Romeo

Romeo chooses “I’ll Be There” for two cousins that he lost at a young age.  He has a bit of a tantrum in rehearsal but apologizes the next day… legit apology too.


Another heartfelt song choice and story.  I like me some Romeo but I’m not sure there’s room on the bandwagon for him.  That Chris Jericho is taking up way more room than I had accounted for.  He definitely was feeling the song (the picture certainly proves that) but the judges clocked his footwork.  He’ll sail through in the middle, IMHO. 

Hines “Fantasy” Ward

Hines rocks the black & gold in honor of his mom with Fantasy by Earth Wind & Fire.  Mom was in the audience to cheer him on.


Seriously, look at my man rocking the black and gold with a satin “Terrible Towel”.  That’s team spirit!  How can anyone not be rooting for him?  Well, anyone that isn’t my sister-in-law whose love for the Browns has blinded her to the poetry that is Hines Ward dancing.  We’ve talked intervention but she is a really good baker and we’d all miss the cake pops.  So, a Browns fan she stays.  Hines scores the highest score of the night.  Smart judges. 

Petra Nemcova

Petra dances to “You Raise Me Up” in honor of her Happy Hearts charity and those lost in the tsunami.


Damn allergies!  My eyes are watering again.  Ok, let me get my piss and vinegar out of the way… Oh, how I hate that song.  It’s like the schmaltz to end all schmaltz.  It’s beyond overly sentimental.  When will it go away?  That being said, I thought Petra was lovely this week and her story really is powerful.  So I’m letting go of some of the irritation with her.   I can’t promise what will happen next week when we’re back to distracting us from her bad dancing with her long legs.  But today, I’m not above a good old fashioned “You go girl!”  The judges are apparently in agreement.  Ties for high score with Hines.

Sugar Ray Leonard

Pulls out the Bobby Brown with “My Prerogative” to remind all the naysayers that he can beat the odds. He even got Michael Buffer to announce him.


Let’s get ready to Rumbaaaaa!!!! Ha!  I love it.  I do.  See, now that is schmaltz I can get down with.  Sugar Ray once said, “When [Buffer] introduces a fighter, it makes him want to fight.”  Well, he definitely came out swinging.  The judges think he was much improved but no one’s been a total booger tonight except for Wendy.  Not sure how he’s going to fair but I think Wendy’s going to save him from elimination another week.

Kirstie Alley

Kirstie chooses the Israel Kamakawiwoʻole version of “Somewhere Over The Rainbow” to represent the time in her life when she got her first acting role and lost her mother to a car accident at the same time.  The agony & the ecstasy.

Oh no!  No no no!  Please tell me Maks did not just collapse under Kirstie!  Oh I can’t even go there… That’s too easy.  And way too wrong.  I will get hit by a bus, in my living room, if I go there.  But you know where I want to go so let’s wink-wink, nudge-nudge, giggle-giggle between the two of us.  Honestly, I’m a bit bummed with that because the rest of the dance was really lovely.  She’s amazingly light on her feet (which my grandmother says is not unusual for larger people… I’m not making that up… I’m not understanding it either.).    I think she’ll make it through.

Ralph Macchio

Ralph chooses “Stay Gold” from The Outsiders which was the first dance song at his wedding.  This week is his anniversary so he dedicated this dance to his wife of 26 years.

This would have been a straight-up 10 for me had they gotten Matt Dillon to shout “Let’s do it for Johnny!” from the audience.  Hey, if Sugar Ray can get Buffer, why can’t Ralph get Matt?  What’s he doing with his time?  Well, I wasn’t left totally without my moment as Chris Jericho gave us a little “Do it for Johnny” shout-out from backstage.  Oh Chris, you had me at “Do”.  As for Ralph, the dance was good but we’re running out of movies to reference.  Last week his son Daniel (Daniel San?) was featured and this week it’s the Outsiders.  Is he going to age 40 years in front of our eyes next week?  Here comes that bus.

The Results


Well happy day for me!  Not only am I subjected to only one hour tonight but we’re only two minutes in and I know Hines is safe, we get to see him dance again and Terrible Towels get airtime again.  Is it Christmas?  Color me gifted!  Ah good times… good times.  Sigh…. And now we’ve got 55 minutes left.  Damned double edged sword.  After we’re subjected to watching home video of the stars over the last week, One Republic, the Dance Troupe and Selena Gomez (That’s Bieber’s beaver right?) we finally get to the bottom three:  Wendy, Kendra & Chris… WAIT… WHAT?… How is Chris in the bottom three?  What kind of shenanigans is this?  I mean I realize I fall under the “if you don’t vote, you can’t complain” category but where is the WWE fan contingency?  Come on people, someone has to pick up my slack.  Well, crisis averted… Wendy goes home.  Not the most shocking rose ceremony ever.

PS – Sorry this is so late kiddies.  Birthdays and anniversaries and deadlines, oh my!  I have to get my priorities straight.  I’m aware.



Dancing With The Stars – Week 1

One Sentence Summary: Hines Ward shakes his booty and some other people dance.

Franco Harris in the House!

My Thoughts:

Rachel: Well, my partner and I vowed not to watch DWTS but I folded like a cheap lawn chair.  I really only wanted to see Hines Ward represent the ‘Burgh, but next thing I knew, it was 10pm and Castle was coming on.   So, if I’m going to suffer through 2 hours of that (without a cocktail, mind you), I might as well throw down my 10¢ for you all. I can’t promise funny or a Week 2 but I can take you on this week’s ride.

Chelsea Kane

I have no idea who this is.  I have no idea what she did.  I was on the phone for her premiere.  However, judging from the clip, she may have eaten a few too many lemons before hitting the stage.

Wendy Williams

Well, I figured Wendy might be a little awkward being that she’s not the most petite lady on the planet but I had high hopes for her… yeah.  One word:  Brick.  Girl, I know those hips have more groove in them than that.  Not sure she’ll get a second chance to show us.

Hines “The Clear Winner” Ward

My obsessive love for the Steelers aside, Hines Ward rocked it!  Who knew there was that level of booty shaking packed in that body?  Color me corny, but I was cheering for him like it was the Super Bowl.  Hercules! Hercules! Hercules!

Petra Nemcova

Thankfully there aren’t enough people reading this blog (yet) for me to get THAT much shit for this but… Petra bugs.  Sorry.  I know she survived the tsunami in Indonesia but she bugs me.  Bugs.  There I said it.  And her dancing is junk.  I expect to be struck by lightning before I finish this post. 

Romeo

Lil’ Romeo’s all growsed up and the kid has some moves.  Judges didn’t love him but I think he’s got potential.  At the very least, he’s got to do better than his father, Master P, did.  Ok, so maybe I’ve seen the show once or twice before.  Whatever… my mother made me watch it.  That’s my story and I’m sticking with it.

Sugar Ray Leonard

I have to admit that when I heard Sugar Ray, I expected to see Mark McGrath on the dance floor.  Imagine my surprise (albeit a pleasant one) when I saw the Leonard variety of the Sugar Ray.  All my face lift jokes are going to have to wait until I succumb to Celebrity Apprentice, I guess.  I thought Sugar Ray looked like he was having a good time but the judges were quick to ruin it with some bad scores.

Kendra Wilkinson

Ok, someone that has a sex tape really should have some better moves than this.  I honestly expected more from her… but then I realized I was watching DWTS and the fact that I had any expectations at all was silly.  She makes it to week 2…  You heard it here first, folks.

Ralph Macchio

I have to admit.  I have a soft spot for Le Macchio.  Hines is still my boy but you can’t shout “Do It For Johnny!” when he’s dancing and feel good about it.  Then there’s the fact that I spent a good portion of my formative years as a Ralph doppelganger.  Yes, I’m a woman.  Yes, I’ve always been a woman.  Yes, I’ve had some pretty terrible haircuts.  Observe…

When you’re done laughing,  I’ll let you know that the judges gave my twin the highest score of the night.

Chris Jericho

I get that he brings a different demographic to the viewership.  I still don’t want to watch him dance.  But I will give him that he was better than I predicted.  That’s it.  I’m getting bored…

Some Guy Named Mike From Loveline

Brick.  Cute brick.  But a brick.  I think he’s going home.  Bye bye to the only piece of eye candy on this show.

Kirstie Alley

Oh, Kirstie.  I want to like you.  I want to root for you.  You even did a pretty good job of working what you got.  But all I can think whilst watching you gyrate in that spandex dress is the classic line from Clairee Belcher in Steel Magnolias:  Looks like two pigs fightin’ under a blanket. Yep, lightening strike should be coming any minute.

Bottom Line: Man, that was exhausting.  I just don’t think reality TV needs to be 2 hours long.  Who has that kind of time… Oh yeah.  Me.  Carry on.