Tag Archives: Kim Richards

One Sentence Summary:  It’s Vegas time for the Brandi Posse and the only action the Palms will see is on a drive-by.

How do I keep finding myself in these situations?

Our Thoughts:

Rachel:  This is the week we go to Vegas and learn how to get our sexy back via the wisdom of one Brandi Glanville.  We can say a lot of things about our girl Brandi but she sure can bring some sexy to a room… provided she keeps her mouth shut.  It’ll be interesting to see if she & her companions in Sin City can manage to make it to the stripper poles before there’s an incident.  I don’t say “if” there’s an incident because I think we can all pretty much guarantee that there will be.  Get your ta-ta tassels ready, ladies!  We’re about to get our sexy on!

The Herb

Do you have an herbal supplement for those puppies?

Oh hey, Yolanda is in her kitchen.  That almost never happens!  She’s hosting a lunch today where she’ll be serving all-natural healthy food, of course.  She believes that what you eat determines how you age.  Plastic surgery isn’t necessary if you just take care of yourself.  Seriously, if that woman has never had plastic surgery, I’m going to start paying more attention to her.  And speaking of no plastic surgery, Suzanne Somers has just arrived at the house.  Can you call that place a house?  Manse?  I still don’t know if I buy Suzanne’s no-surgery story, but again, willing to listen.  I’m not thrilled about the jowls I’m developing lately.  So bring on the no-suck-tuck-or-pluck secrets!  Oh, we had to wait for Lisa & Kyle to arrive.  I do love that the two European women in the room have never heard of Chrissy Snow or Three’s Company.  Ladies, I highly suggest losing an afternoon to the Regal Beagle and Jack Tripper.  Yolanda, you can drink all the carrot juice you like while you watch.

Suzanne tells the girls that she plans to live to be 110 and she plans to do it by eating healthy & taking upwards of 40 supplements a day.  Lisa thinks she can’t be bothered to take that many pills and is pretty sure all is working just the way it should be… including in the bedroom.   That is a lot of pills.  And I’m still not convinced there hasn’t been a little work on Miss Somers.

Come To Debbie Country

How is it that I can do this with my body and still be single?

Brandi is looking for a few tricks of the trade before she hosts her “Night School For Girls” event in Vegas.  You know, a few practice spins around the pole.  She says Eddie had a stripper pole installed in their bedroom as a way to save the marriage.  She thinks it was stupid.  We agree.  So she heads off to S Factor for a private class.  Wait, is the teacher/owner of S Factor Debbie Hunt from the movie Singles?  OMG, I think it is.  Hold please while I IMDB this… IT IS!!!  Well, I wondered what happened to her.  Not really, but I probably would have wondered the next time Singles was on cable.  Still one of my faves with one of the best lines ever; “I was nowhere near your neighborhood.”  Amazing sound track too.  Ah, memories…

Sorry sorry… Clearly I drifted off into my flanneled grungy past.  But I’m back to watch Debbie Hunt twirl around a stripper pole.  That makes my head hurt a little bit.  OK, she is taking this to a very serious level.  Apparently, when we give our bodies over to the pole, there’s nothing more beautiful.  Are we still talking about stripper poles?  But Debbie can work her way around that metal post.  Damn, girl.  I might have to check this out next time I’m in LA.  And need I tell you that Brandi held her own as well?  Bitch.

Graduation Day

Oh right, you’re the reason we’re all here.

It’s Kyle’s daughter Sophia’s 6th grade graduation so there’s a party at their house to celebrate.  Faye and Adrienne are invited to join.  Brandi & Lisa, not so much.  Right, because she has Adrienne’s back.  At least until tomorrow when she goes to Vegas with Brandi & Lisa.  Immediately upon entering, Paul & Adrienne are bickering.  How did we not see this split coming a mile away?  Neither of Kyle’s sisters managed to make it to the party.  Are we surprised Kim didn’t show?  I mean she has been better this season about making it to events, but none of them have been Kyle’s.  The streak continues.  Oh joy, we get to revisit Faye “on fire” at Kyle’s last dinner party.  And listen to Kyle defending that behavior!  So not cool.  No Paul, Faye didn’t do what was right.  Such shit talkers.   But thankfully, Adrienne & Paul leave early so maybe someone can actually enjoy Sophia’s day… like Sophia.

Finally, Kyle acknowledges her daughter and her achievement.  It’s an emotional moment for Kyle because her parents aren’t there to enjoy these moments with their grandchildren.  I’m impressed that there’s no giant gauche gift attached to this event.  Kudos.

The Nose Knows

My kids are so cute. I think I’ll get a nose job.

Kim is at home organizing the framed pictures of her kids so she can hang them in her hallway.  Actually, her “houseman” will be hanging them.  Wait, there is such a thing as a houseman?  Can you order one up that looks a lot like Christian Bale and give massages?

Somehow all this reminiscing and self-reflection she’s been doing since getting clean and sober has inspired her to start a charity… Oh wait, no.  It’s inspired her to get a nose job.  Yes, that is right.  Her giant epiphany is that she needs to get her nose done.  Granted, it was after the doctor told her she couldn’t get her eyes done.  So, she settled on the nose.  What the hell is wrong with her nose?  She’s seriously marching to the beat of her own drum.  And I’m not going to blame it on anything other than natural craziness… though we all know I have my suspicions.  But that’s all they are – suspicions – so we’ll leave it at that.  Maybe I should start using the word “alleged” in more of my sentences.  You know, because that’s the magic bullet against lawsuits… Well that and calling people up.  Right, Mauricio?

Packing Party

I don’t know what you mean by “hair helmet”.

Brandi’s friend Adrienne – the other Adrienne – comes over to help her pack for Vegas.  Seems her longtime taste for hoochie clothing is going to come in handy this trip.  Personally, I don’t see how those silver pants were ever a good idea.  Even on her legs.

Marisa is also packing for Vegas, but with her mom.  Don’t people know how to pack on their own?  Granted, I would probably benefit from a buddy system when it comes to packing since I insist on taking everything I own every time I get on a plane.  Marisa’s mother is using the opportunity to rid her daughter’s closet of items she finds to be “hideous”.  Marisa doesn’t pay much mind to fashion advice from a woman who hasn’t changed her hair in 30 years.  Mom, thinks she’s still rocking it.  Yeah, sorry Mom.  That style went out the day That Girl was canceled.  And I’m thinking the hairstyle’s been around a lot longer than 30 years.  Mom also wants an invite to Vegas.  Marisa has no interest in including mom in her girls’ weekend.  I have a feeling mom might show up anyway.

Lisa’s packing buddy is Ken.  He prefers Lisa leaves all the sexy clothing at home for him.  He also doesn’t understand how twirling around a pole is empowering.  Me either but it still looks like fun.

Vegas, Baby

Yeah, that’s right, bitch.  You’re in the crosshairs tonight.

The ladies land in Vegas and Marisa actually made it without her mom.

Time for the first girls’ dinner and we’re all on pins & needles waiting to see how long before Brandi says something controversial.  Well, that didn’t take long.  She tells Marisa that she thinks her husband is more in love with her than she is with him.  Thankfully, Marisa doesn’t bristle as easily as some of these other ladies and says that she knows they have a banter that can be read wrong, but she very much loves her husband.  That’s nice because I have to say I was in agreement with Brandi on this one.  So maybe she’ll stop ripping him in public then?

Brandi says that she loves love but the girls only see the tough side of her.  She has to be tough all the time for her kids.  Kyle & Lisa tell her that she doesn’t.  She should trust them & show her softer side and maybe she’ll see theirs too.  Wow Kyle, that was actually good advice.  Brandi is just trying to get past the animosity that she has towards Eddie… and not doing a great job of it if you read Us Magazine.  The girls say that she has to let go or she’ll keep making herself sick.  I agree.  Time to move on, kiddo.  He clearly has.

The talk moves on to sex and Kyle identifying with Brandi’s pain by imagining what it would feel like if Mauricio left her.  Well, this is refreshing.  This is what girls’ nights out are for!  Please no one ruin it.  And by no one, I mean Brandi.  I do wish the conversation hadn’t careened into Leann Rimes and ripping her, but let’s be honest, if that was our friend at the table, we’d be doing the same damn thing.  And the fact that Leann used the same wedding dress designer as Brandi is creepy.  I have to agree with that.

The rest of the night is a good time full of oysters and vagina talk.  Kudos ladies to making it through a dinner without screaming or crying.  Well, Brandi did get a bit misty over Eddie but that doesn’t count when it comes to these ladies.

Rainbows & Unicorns

No really, I sang with bluebirds that landed on my shoulder today.

Back in the kitchen with Yolanda.  I’m thinking she needs a cooking show more than she needs to be a Housewife.  Today, she’s making dinner for her husband David, who is her true love.  She tells us that men love beautiful women and beautiful women love rich men.  There’s temptation everywhere but if you found your true love, life should be easy.  Deep thoughts with Yolanda Foster.  But as much as I make fun of her, she seems to have a pretty fantastic life that I wouldn’t mind having.  I know everyone has their own cross to bear, but if I had to trade, I’m just saying this life would be in the Top 3.  And this might get me some nasty letters from some feminists out there, but I have to agree that men are simple creatures and women should want to take care of their men.  I like taking care of a man… at least I think I remember liking it.  But I also like to be taken care of in return.  Two way street, people.  But they’re a good couple.  I like.

Just A Little Off The Top

So you’ll write me a prescription for pain meds, right? (Allegedly.)

Time for Kim to meet with her doctor and talk about her new nose.  She likes her face but thinks she needs a new look to go with her new her.  I’m thinking a hair cut or color would maybe be a less radical first step.  But Dr. Gregorian specializes in noses so he’ll do a great job.  And this way, she won’t have to be mad at Paul if it doesn’t work out so well.  Or she wakes up one day and wonders how that nose got on her face.  Allegedly.

Juicy

I’m only here because I’m contractually obligated.

Do I really have to be tortured with Brandi in a bathing suit again?  It’s really not fair to us less genetically blessed girls that really love their chocolate and wine.  The girls are having some poolside breakfast & cocktails when Yolanda shows up.  Of course as they mow down some eggs and bacon, Yolanda sips on a glass of spinach & carrot juice.  You know, after 45, you can’t stay in shape by eating bacon she tells us.  That’s a shame, because if you could, I’d be the fittest woman on the planet… when I reached that age… a long long time from now, of course.

The girls heads out for a sample of a “Girls Night School” class. Brandi gets up to give her spiel and let’s say it needs some work.  But she does eventually get it together.  And she gets it together with those insane legs on that insane body.  Yes, I am jealous 100%.  I could never eat another morsel of food and I wouldn’t have those legs.  So I shall just sit her with my wine and covet.  Covet all day long.

Bottom Line:

Rachel:  Whoa, is that signs of the old Camille coming back next week?  What’s up with that?

One Sentence Summary:  When the drama spreads to the husbands, it’s time for everyone to take a time out.

I bet she’d let me spank her. Marisa never lets me spank her.

Our Thoughts:

Rachel:  Oh I’m so scared to start watching tonight.  I can’t take any more of the hideous Moroccan dinner.  I really can’t.  Do I have to watch it?  Mother may I skip it?  Pretty please with a cherry on top?  I’m so close to having a temper tantrum right now about this it’s embarrassing.  I may have to pour my wine into a baby bottle because that’s the level of tantrum I’m talking.  It’s just so painful because you know they’re going to spend the first 5 minutes rehashing last week which was painful enough the first time around.  Then we have to finish the night.  Then everyone will have to meet the next day to talk about it.  Then Adrienne & Paul will hear about it.  They’ll get mad.  Everyone will get mad.  It’ll be anarchy!  But I suppose the longer I sit here and stew in my juices (and by juices, I mean wine), the longer it will be before I am on the other side of this.  Alright, let’s get this over with before there’s only a whiny bitch left over here.

Misery

Anyone who doesn’t think Kyle enjoys the drama, check this pic I snapped form my TV.  Clearly smiling as Mauricio goes off.  Busted.

OK, I don’t know who this arrogant, angry Mauricio is, but I’d like the old one back please.  He starts tonight’s episode with this piece of genius, “I’ve never been sued in my life, but the three or four times I’ve been sued, I pick up the phone and it ends.”  So you’ve never been sued in your life except for those three or four times?  That’s awesome.  It’s kinda like how I’ve never dated an asshole except for those 1 or 2 hundred times.  I like it.  I’ll have to use that math.  But he’s like a rabid dog with a bone and won’t back down.  He says Brandi started it, but she won’t finish it, because she knows she’s wrong.  Brandi says that she called Adrienne twice but hasn’t heard back.  Mauricio’s awesome skills are in play again when he says Brandi just said a few minutes ago that she never called her.  I assume if we’re using Mauricio Math – it’s now a thing – by never, he means twice.  I’m pretty sure if we rewound the tape, he’d hear her saying, just moments ago, that she tried calling.  Yet, this is so clearly not his business anyway so he should probably just spend some time working on adding one plus STFU.

Finally, Kyle shuts her husband up for us.  Took ya long enough.  Had to let it escalate first though, right?  Because this is fun for you.  Do you think we’ve not figured you out yet, Kyle?  We have.  And we’re exhausted.  Well, I’m exhausted.  And Marisa is annoyed.  She can’t stand people fighting other people’s battles.  Welcome to the club, lady.  Grab a seat and make yourself comfortable.  It’s gonna be a long, bumpy ride.

Kyle apologizes to Brandi for her husband.  She doesn’t want Brandi to feel under attack.  Well, then stop attacking her.  And as we feel start to feel like maybe we’re seeing some blue skies again, Brandi goes back in for some more.  Aw come on, girl.  We get it.  Those of us not up Paul & Adrienne’s asses get it.  Mauricio is up their asses.  He doesn’t get it.  So don’t waste your time.  And now we have Lisa & Ken vs Kyle & Mauricio.  I need a Taylor “Enough!” right about now.  And as Brandi leaves the room, this somehow has becomes a pity party for Kyle who is not going to try to make peace anymore.  Who are you kidding?   You don’t try and make peace?  You eat this shit up.  Do you not see the picture above?  We’re all in on the game.  Give it up.  And while I’m on my rant – I figure it’s my turn – could someone please tell Kim to get the hell off of her high horse about proper behavior?  She spent an entire episode last season locked in a bathroom and the rest of them somewhere out in space.  So let’s not throw stones when we’re living in a giant glass house, okay?  Hideous.  Hideous behavior.  Hideous people.

And next on the fight list, Taylor vs Yolanda.  Yolands finds it ridiculous that Taylor is sitting there making the entire situation about her.  Well, yes it’s ridiculous, but have you not been listening all night?  It’s all ridiculousness.  But I am glad someone is calling Taylor out.  Look, I don’t for one moment diminish the absolute hell her life has been the last year.  I can’t fathom it.  However, I have a real problem with people who need to be the biggest victim in the room and use their issues for attention.  No one can have a problem that Taylor can’t out-trauma.  Fine, but that doesn’t mean what Brandi is going through isn’t real.  Or what anyone else is going through for that matter.  But again, I sit here expecting these narcissists to have empathy and compassion for those around them.  Silly me!  Well, at least there’s one sensible person in the room.  And that person is Camille.  Yeah, who woulda thunk it two seasons ago, but she is actually totally clear on the nonsense happening in front of her when she says “Leave it to Taylor to make it all about her.”  Indeed.

Having heard enough drunken rantings from Taylor, Yolanda heads off to the bathroom to check on Brandi.  So does Lisa.  Brandi says she’s fine, but doesn’t know why Mauricio was coming after her.  See above re: the asses.  Both Yolanda & Lisa try and tell Brandi that she needs to take a deep breath and not attack back.  Thank you!  What have I been saying for weeks now?  She isn’t helping herself one bit with the f-bombs.  No one hears what she’s saying.  They only hear her ranting.

On her way out of the restaurant, Brandi is stopped by Mauricio who wants to let her know that this isn’t personal.  He has nothing personal against her.  Brandi says it feels pretty personal.  Yeah, I’m with her on this one.  He says it’s not.  It’s just what he personally feels is a principle.  Wait, it’s personal for you, but it’s not personal for her?  Damn, that Mauricio Math is complex!  He cares about her and her kids.  She says she gets it, but for him to come after her in a group of people when he doesn’t know what Adrienne has done to her isn’t fair.  He agrees.  He doesn’t know what he doesn’t know about.  He’s making this too easy for me.  Well, I suppose that was a nice gesture.

In the limo home, Ken tells Lisa that he has never gone against Mauricio before but felt he had to tonight.  And Lisa thinks Mauricio saying that someone attacking her integrity isn’t a big deal is nonsense.  But the lovely couple has the best idea of the night – stopping off at the Polo Lounge for a drink.  Can I come?  Lord knows I could use something stronger than wine right now.

Uh, are we really only 10 minutes into this show?  Lord.

I’ve Got Your Back… Ish

So, we can all agree that Brandi’s a loon and we’re perfectly normal, right?

Oh boy, time for Kyle & Mauricio to spill the beans to Adrienne & Paul.  I’m actually slumped over my computer right now knowing what is in store for us all in the next 5 minutes.  Adrienne says that she and Paul were in New York for some fresh air and a break from Brandi’s toxicity.  You know what makes it hard for me to even listen to this?  The fact that we all know that these two are shortly headed for one nasty public divorce.   So all this BS united front crap is hard to swallow.  I feel like they’re using Brandi as their scapegoat for all their marital problems.  Again, Brandi has no business spilling secrets.  I get that.  But this has been blown so way out of proportion it’s ridiculous; especially if it’s really all about surrogacy.  What is the shame in that?

Adrienne thinks what happened at Mauricio’s event went too far and their issues with Brandi shouldn’t include people that she loves.  You couldn’t have told them that a week ago?  Could have saved us all (read: me) a lot of heartache.  Paul says he knows Kyle & Mauricio would have acted the same way if the situation were reversed.  Really?  But Kyle & Mauricio agree, tell them they have their backs and let them know that Mauricio flat-out told Brandi she was wrong at dinner.  Yes, that’s right.  Kyle has Adrienne’s back always.  Cut to Kyle telling us that she feels stuck in the middle being friends with them both.  But Adrienne is ready to move on.  If Brandi has anything to say to her, she should just say it to her face.  Lovely sentiment, Adrienne, but what about the meeting of the lawyers you’ve called for Friday?  How is that moving on?

Hablan Ingles Ahora!

You’d be doing a much better job if you spoke English as well as I do.

Yolanda still helps her ex, Mohammad, decorate the insane mansions he builds.  And they are insane.  She says that when she stopped modeling she would tag along with Mohammed while he was developing the Ritz Carlton Hotels.  Not a bad gig.

Man, Yolanda really spins my head.  One minute I’m like she’s so awesome helping the workers carry the plants inside.  The next minute I’m like she’s so smug and preachy telling one of the workers that he needs to learn English.  She learned it so he can learn it.  First of all lady, who are you to speak to another human that way?  Second of all, coming to America as a model is quite a different situation.  Third of all, why shame someone publicly?  I don’t get it.  Why can no one pull anyone aside and have a private conversation?  Eh, why do I even bother?   And speaking of bothering, Yolanda plans to invite the girls to this amazing estate with hopes that they’ll behave themselves.  Ha, that’s hilarious.

Strange Things Are Afoot

So along with the hearts, I also see yellow stars, green clovers, & blue diamonds.

Great, more psychics bringing more revelations.  This time it’s in Kim’s house.  She feels like she has a ghost in her house and would like some clarity on that.  Psychic Sue – sorry I missed her name – says, first-off, that the spirits of Kim’s future grandchildren are running around her room.  This is crazy, even for Kim.  There is also the spirit of a woman who sits on the edge of her bed watching over her.  That ain’t cool.  Kim slurs something about how the spirits in her house make her not want to leave.  Now, when you say spirits, are we talking ghosts or Jack Daniels?  Sure sounds like the latter right about now.

In her living room, Kim says she sees hearts floating around her.  The psychic says that this is because there is a portal here.  That’s it.  I’m moving to Beverly Hills and becoming either a psychic or a life coach.  Or a psychic life coach.  I mean the things people get paid to do in the BH is amazing… I wish I had known when I was living there.  Woulda saved me a lot of time.

Family Ties

Carrying me will help burn off extra calories.

Every time we see one of Mohamed’s houses, I’m blow away. They’re just insane.  How does any one person have this much money?  And how is this one person not me?  Yolanda comes to the house with her & Mohammad’s two daughters to have a look around.  Mohamed wants Yolanda to finish decorating the house.  And he wants the girls to stop slouching.  Also there are olive trees in the backyard.  And that whole scene happened… What for?  I guess we’re all better for knowing that they’re still a happy family?  OK…

Mannequin Mania

No, pay attention to me!

Aw shit, it’s Faye.  And they’re in a store full of mannequins.  Why?  Oh, Kyle is opening a west coast location of a store she loves in Boca Raton.  Ha, I’ve been to this store she loves.  It’s so…. her.  And so… Boca.  Faye will be designing the store, because she has design style which you’re either born with it or you’re not.  You know, I seriously don’t care about a single word that comes out of her mouth.  Forgive me if I don’t pay much mind to the selection of mannequins.

Vegas, Baby

Sometimes I dream of suffocating you in your sleep.

Brandi meets Marisa, her husband Dean and her brother Paul for dinner.  Paul promises a drama-free dinner.  Dude, you never say it out loud!  You’ll curse it.  Housewives rules.  Brandi asks Dean what he’s working on.  He says two indie films that will probably shoot in Europe.  Marisa would prefer that he works on a big studio film that will pay him tons of money and give them lots of perks.   Yeah, forget about what makes him happy.  Just make money.  Please don’t be a shallow ass too, Marisa.  We had so much potential to be friends.

Brandi makes a crude joke at the table, and for a change, no one is gasping and clutching their pearls.  I think Brandi’s found her peeps.  She says she was invited to Vegas to host an event called “Brandi’s Night School For Girls” where she teaches girls how to find their sexy.  She’s invited Lisa & Yolanda.  She’d like Marisa to go too.  Marisa’s in, which is awesome because she could totally use some time alone.  She does know her husband is sitting at the table, right?

Just Dipping A Toe

Brandi calls Kyle before this evening’s art gallery event to make sure that she & Mauricio are in a good place with her.  Kyle says it’s all good though she was taken aback by her calling her husband a motherf**ker.  But she doesn’t hold grudges so she’s ready to move forward as well.  I’m thinking that might have a been a good time to apologize for calling Mauricio an MF’er, Brandi… even if he was behaving like one.

Art

Hmm, no I don’t think you know how much your art is worth. Thankfully, I’m here to tell you.

Daniel Maltzman is an artist and gallery owner having an opening in his new space in Beverly Hills.  Lisa & Ken show up with their exit plan already in place; dinner at 8:30.  Yolanda arrives and immediately sees a piece she likes.  Daniel tells her it’s $14k.  She says no it’s not.  But before we can wheel & deal, Kyle walks in clearly coming straight from a “Let’s Get Physical” costume party.  What in the hell was she thinking with that headband?

OK, back to the negotiations.  Yolanda says she was really drawn to the painting and would like it as a Father’s Day gift for David, but $14k is too much.  You have a separate refrigerator for your fruit & veggies and an entire orchard in your backyard.  $14k for you is the equivalent of a Big Mac & fries to me.  But I do appreciate an artful – no pun intended – negotiation, so carry on.  The artist wants to know what she thinks is fair.  She says half.  He almost passes out.  She says so many people will see it and she’s a decorator, which if he’s reading between the lines means she could buy more down the road.  He says he can do $8500.  I would have said $10k, but what do I know about art other than what I learned on Gallery Girls… which is nothing.  Ultimately, they settle on $8k.  I really think he could have gotten $10k and hearing Yolanda say he’s a great artist but not a great negotiator, I definitely think he could have gotten $10k.  Or maybe $12k.

Brandi invites Kyle to Vegas because she’s feeling optimistic about their friendship.  Kyle is leery at first, but then Brandi says the magic words:  Four Seasons.  Kyle’s in!  How’s that for getting Adrienne’s back?  Now you’re going to Vegas with her enemy and at a competitive hotel.  Nice.  Do you not remember Pandora’s bachelorette party and that whole mess?

Now entering the party Mauricio and Paris Hilton… though not together.  Oh, Kyle’s daughter Farrah is there too.  Kyle tells Paris that she’s going to Vegas.  Paris says she’s going to Brazil for a concert where she’s closing for Jennifer Lopez.  OK, I’ve been in music for a dozen years and have never heard of closing for an artist.  Do people stay for this?  OK, I just looked it up.  Makes more sense now.  It’s a pop music festival and Paris is DJ-ing a set at the end.  With you now.

Wow, Marisa doesn’t really like to give her husband or marriage much credit.  She is telling Taylor that she doesn’t think her husband is that sexy.  She’s been looking at him for so long that she doesn’t see it anymore, but he’s so in love with her so she’s lucky.  They met when she was 20 and that was too young.  She wishes she would have waited to get married.  Yikes.  You know this is being filmed, right?  Although I have a feeling she’s not afraid to say these things in front of him.  Brandi tells us that Marisa throwing her husband under the bus is not cool.  Gotta agree with you there.  But everyone’s marriage is different.  Right?

And in other news, Mauricio gives Ken a bottle of gin that tastes amazing and would look great on his bar.  Did he come with the bottle of gin?  Ken wonders if it’s a peace offering.  Seems a logical conclusion.  Mauricio thinks Ken is still holding a little bit of a grudge.  Also a logical conclusion.  Lisa comes to collect Ken for dinner and gives Mauricio the cold shoulder.  Guess they’re both still holding grudges.  Hey maybe Mauricio can use that amazing strategy he told us all about.  You know where you pick up a phone and apologize.  Try it out.

Bottom Line:

Rachel:  Wow, that was long.  And painful.  I feel like I need to curl up into the fetal position with my baby bottle of wine and make it all go away.

One Sentence Summary:  A Moroccan dinner’s belly dancing show gets overshadowed by the shit show that is the RHOBH.

I think I liked it better when no one paid any attention to me.

Our Thoughts:

Rachel:  So last week we saw Brandi handle herself with dignity, for the most part, in two sticky situations.  This week, it’s a confrontation by the whole group and I can’t help but wonder how this will go down.  Will we see the Brandi that showed up to confront Scheana – seriously, with the spelling? – or the Brandi that showed up at the W Hotel for Mauricio’s real estate event?  I’m hoping it’s the former as she’s infinitely more defendable when she’s not threatening people and yelling like a lunatic.  Yes, I know.  People keep attacking her, but she keeps giving them reasons to do it.  If you keep your pie hole shut about other people’s business, you leave them with nothing for which to call you out.  I think we can all agree that when that happens, they find someone else to go after.  Let them.  For real.  It must be someone else’s turn by now.  Camille had her time.  Taylor had hers.  Then was Brandi’s.  Even Lisa got a little beat up last season & at the last reunion.  Next up?  Kyle?  Anyway, all I can say to Brandi is rise above.  Say it over and over to yourself.  Rise above.

One Final Thing

Oh well, don’t worry about Scheana. The other waitresses at Sur will eat her alive.

So we are back reliving the confrontation with Brandi & Scheana.  Why are we watching this again?  You know how precious my time is.  Anyway, Brandi leaves Scheana to contemplate what she did and sits with Lisa to review what just went down.  She tells Lisa that Scheana continued to see Eddie even after she found out Brandi was pregnant with Jake.  That’s low down dirty.  Seriously.  How can anyone continue to stay with a man who is married and finds out that their wife is pregnant?  Clearly, the marriage isn’t quite that “over” if he’s still knocking her up.  Anyway, I think we’ve learned the quality of character of one Scheana.  She can go now.  But Brandi feels better for having confronted the situation and that is what is important.  I wish she knew though that crying and feeling pain doesn’t make you weak.  It makes you human.

Mr. Bluebird On My Shoulder

I paid extra to have the sky above our home be a little bit bluer, the clouds a little bit puffier and the grass a little bit greener.

Oh more Yolanda.  I wonder if she’ll be riding a horse today.  Or chopping up veggies from her perfect fridge.  No, she’s picking fruit in her spectacular backyard.  Seriously, can we either find her a real storyline or just move on?  It’s redundant at this point.  And I say this actually liking her for the most part.  Oh, they sent Kyle to give her something to talk about.  And that something is all the lemons in her backyard which are there because she was inspired by doing the Master Cleanse.  In fact, she is so inspired by how she felt not eating for ten days, that she’s going to make Kyle a batch to taste.  Sorry, I know a thousand people that have done it and swear it made them feel amazing.  But I can promise you that ten days of drinking nothing but a lemon, honey, & cayenne pepper drink will not make me feel amazing.  It will make me feel the opposite of amazing.  It will make me feel like punching a hole in a wall… Preferably a wall where there is chocolate living on the other side.   But hey, more power to you.  I wouldn’t mind having Yolanda’s body.  I’m just not willing to starve for it.

Yolanda asks Kyle how Kim is doing.  She has been inviting her over to do the Master Cleanse with her in an effort to get her healthy, but she hasn’t heard back from her.   Maybe because she’s too busy actually eating.  Kyle says not to be offended.  She does the same thing to her.  But she and Kim have had a pretty tumultuous relationship their whole lives.  This is nothing new.  Yolanda thinks if they can get Kim on the Master Cleanse, she’ll make better choices in her life.  Lady, it’s lemon, honey & pepper.   Not magic.  But it seems to me that we’re being set-up for some unhappy revelations about Kim’s life.  You feeling it too?

Life Coaching

I know I have to forgive my sister, but do I have to do it out loud?

Speak of the devil, Kim is home making cookies for her meeting with Gary, her life coach.  Gary helps her cope, find structure and breathe.  He thinks Kim is making leaps and bounds, but she needs to continue to be strong.  She knows she has to let go of resentments but she’s so mad at Kyle that she doesn’t know what to do.  Gary tells her that they have to have a different relationship now that she’s sober.  Kyle thinks that because she’s sober, everything is okay, but Kim still feels hurt that Kyle outed her alcoholism on national TV.  I get how that is going to hurt someone, but we all saw it with our own eyes.  It didn’t take Sherlock Holmes to uncover that mystery.  But they need to have a conversation.  It’s time.  I agree.  I just hope that Kim is as sober as she says she is.  She still sounds like she’s slurring her words.  Maybe that’s just how she speaks, but I don’t know…

Swingers

Watch the hands, Ken.

Lisa pays a visit to Villa Blanca to see her Executive Chef, Francis.  Hello, Francis! Sorry, I loves me a chef.  I loves me more a cute chef.  She really does cast her restaurants well.  I give her that.

While Lisa attends to business, Ken is at home, in his pink shirt natch, working on a surprise for his wife.  He says she spends so much time working on the house that he wanted to do something special for her.  So he’s building her a big pink swing.  Could he be cuter?  He’s hoping maybe a little romance will spring from this as well.  Ha, love it.

When she gets home, she finds Ken & Giggy, who I’ve come to find has his own website, dressed alike and waiting for her.  After some resistance, he finally gets her outside to see her pink swing hanging over a heart-shaped patch of flowers.  She loves it and is full-on giggling like a school girl.  I can’t help but smile.

He tells her that he wants to renew their vows this year on their 30th anniversary.  How adorable is Ken?  Seriously, I love their relationship.  It’s the closest thing to a fairytale I’ve seen in a long time.

CousCous Crazy

No, I swear. We can make it through dinner without screaming… we just choose not to.

Kyle is off to have dinner with Marisa at a Moroccan restaurant.  She is embarrassed by the behavior at her last dinner party and is hoping to get the girls together again to show another side of them to Marisa.  Ha, good luck.  Well, the good news is that Adrienne is in New York so there’s one bullet dodged.  I’m hoping Kyle was smart enough to not invite Faye tonight.  Could we be that lucky?  Kyle picks up Marisa who is wearing an amazing dress that Kyle loves… a  lot apparently as she is wearing a very close facsimile in her one-on-one interviews.  Granted, I want to buy it now too.  It is amazing, though I’m sure it’s also well out of my price range.  I actually just had to hit pause and find out who makes the dress.  Thanks to the website BigBlondeHair.com, I was able to find out that it’s Camilla Franks.  This site is actually pretty cool and has a ton of TV fashion on it.  Glad I found it!  Now, where were we?

Oh yeah, Moroccan dinner… They’re eating at Dar Maghreb, an institution in LA and two doors down from where Brandi & Scheana’s favorite bar to visit with Eddie, Coach & Horses, used to be.  Ah, memories.  Brandi is the first to show up and share the news that Adrienne & Paul are suing her.  Well, they’re at least threatening to sue her if she doesn’t sign a paper saying she won’t talk about them & their family anymore.  OK, if we’re going to keep going around about this horrible thing Brandi said, we really should get to hear what it is.  But we don’t.  Brandi will be meeting with them Friday to hammer out a deal.

The rest of the ladies arrive and poor Kim isn’t 5 minutes in the door before Yolanda is in her grill about the Master Cleanse.  Granted, our favorite pot stirrer, Kyle, was the one to bring it up.  Kim thinks they never made a date.  Yolanda is sure they made several.  But it’s irrelevant at this point because Kim can’t do The Master Cleanse anymore.  Kyle wants to know why and Kim says because.  This is not good enough for Kyle, and probably why her sister isn’t interested in telling her anything, but she says her body needs food.  Kim, just say you don’t want to do it.  Your metabolism isn’t the issue.  Come on.

Everyone sits down for dinner and Kim tells Kyle that life is too short to hold grudges and that she’s sorry for her part in their relationship being strained.  Kyle apologizes too.  Kim didn’t like how Kyle treated her when she was drinking. But they both miss & love each other.  Lovely conversation.  Awkward place and time to have it.  Then again, I don’t know why it still shocks me that these women have no concept of appropriate time & place.

OK, someone needs to cut Taylor off from the drinking.  She seriously shows up at every party, gets hammered and then spouts off at the mouth.  This time it’s that there’s no waiter and that she needs someone to find her a date.  Then we move into tears over her guilt about “cheating” on Russell if she starts dating and how much she loves & hates him at the same time.  This chick is a right mess and our next candidate for rehab.  How about a little less wine and a little more couscous, Taylor.  And really, you’re traumatized because you have to tell your kid she can’t go on the private plane anymore?  Ack, this is making me ill.  But all is good because she settled her lawsuit and it’s a new life.  Let’s hug.

Across the way, Yolanda, Kim, Lisa & Kyle are talking about the ridiculousness that is Adrienne & Paul hiring lawyers to intimidate Brandi.  Yolanda thinks you hire lawyers when you can’t handle having a discussion.  Agreed.  Lisa says Brandi  doesn’t even have anything for Adrienne to take.  Yeah, I don’t really think this is about taking anything from Brandi other than her voice.  Clearly, she can’t fight the 800-pound gorilla that is the Maloof-Nassif bottomless bank account.  They’re not in it for the money.  But Yolanda has another point – she’s pretty spot on when she stops being self-righteous about physical appearances – that Brandi opened her mouth and needs to be responsible for that.  If she had the balls to say what she said, she should have to balls to pick up a phone and say she’s sorry she screwed up.  Yep, pretty much.

Brandi overhears this and says she knows she shouldn’t have said what she said about Paul & Adrienne.  She has admitted it a million times.  What did you say????  Someone please tell us!!!  Mauricio chimes in with the fact that it didn’t need to be said at all.  Thank you, Captain Obvious.  I think we already covered that point.  Brandi doesn’t feel like she can apologize to Adrienne now that she’s sent over a letter from her lawyer.  Mauricio thinks that’s exactly why she should apologize to Adrienne.  He’s had lawyers send letters before that went away with one phone call.  OK, now you’re giving us information we can work with.

Lisa wants to remind everyone that it was Adrienne that was walking around last year saying friends don’t sue friends.  Ah yes, I remember it well.  And so does Taylor who is incredulous at the fact that when it was her business, Adrienne had no problem with it coming out in the group.  But now that it’s her business, it’s a whole different ballgame.  Well, yeah.  There’s that too.  Taylor says her private information was much heavier than Adrienne’s and there is a dead man involved.  OK, so we can take abuse off the list of things Brandi might have revealed.  Sorry, I’m still trying to figure that part out.  Mauricio says that the difference is that Taylor couldn’t walk away.  This is when Kim thinks it would be a good idea to pop off and say that Taylor could have, in fact, walked away from her marriage.  Why Kim?

And here we go… Taylor tells Kim to not go there.  Yolanda thinks Taylor is being aggressive.  Brandi just wants to get out of the room.  Taylor tells her not to walk away.  To stand up for herself.  No no no, don’t listen to the drunk, angry girl!  The room is on fire right now and everyone is on red alert.  There’s nothing good that can come from Brandi confronting the whole room.  Nothing.  She’s just going to get labeled the crazy angry girl who can’t control herself again.  Let Taylor wear the crown.  It seems to fit her well.  But they keep firing and firing and firing.  Now Ken & Mauricio are going at it over why Brandi said it in the first place.  Mauricio is calling her a gossip and Ken is defending her.

You haven’t heard my two cents so now I’m gonna lay it down like law on you and you have no choice but to hear me. {{{ Beats chest like Tarzan }}}

Where the f**k does Mauricio get off being so self-righteous? Sorry, for the f-bomb but I don’t really get this side of him and it’s not his business anyhow.  It’s not anyone in the room other than Brandi’s business.  But Mauricio says that since she started all of this, she owes Adrienne the call.  And here comes idiot Kim again to bring up the infamous game party night at Dana’s.  Oh dear lord, do we really need to go there too?  These Richards girls are terrible drama creators.  None of this would even be happening right now had Kim not piped off and told Adrienne & Paul in the middle of a party in the first place.  Oh right, Mauricio’s party.  That’s why he’s so mad.   Duly noted.  Kim says you don’t just throw things out that aren’t true.  Which then turns into so why is it OK for Adrienne to throw out the accusation that Lisa sells stories which wasn’t true?  No one stood up for her.  In fact, it was rather quiet in Beverly Hills.  Mauricio thinks that’s so not important or a big deal.  Lisa says her integrity is a big deal.  Gonna have to give that point to Lisa.

OMG, I want to bitch slap everyone in that room.  Such bad behavior across the board. These people are so vile right now that my skin is actually crawling.  Who behaves like this?

Oh shit, it’s getting more heated. Yep, it’s gonna blow.  And blow it does… Brandi has had enough, and I don’t blame her.  It’s a three-ring circus of sanctimonious, self-aggrandizing people who think their shit is the most important and everyone else’s shit is… well, shit.  Look, you’ve all been through bad things.  We’ve all been through bad things.  That doesn’t give you the right to piss all over each other in a war to prove who’s most righteous.  But all that being said, Brandi telling Mario to go f**k himself and calling him a motherf**ker isn’t really helpful either.  This is why I wish Brandi would just rise above.  She doesn’t handle confrontation in any way that is productive.  If you’re paying attention to the room, there was nothing happening that resembled mature conversation.  So, you either walk away or you say you appreciate everyone’s input (even though you don’t), but it’s your mess and you’ll handle it.  Then change the conversation.  You leave everyone dumbfounded with nothing to say.  And that, my friends, is a win.  Shutting down that insanity is winning.  Contributing to it is losing.  At least in my world.  Then again, in my world, no one would behave this way in the first place.

Bottom Line:

Rachel:  Oofah, my head is spinning and my ears are ringing.  And Faye wasn’t even in the room.  Wonder how that second chance to get to know the women is going for Marisa….

One Sentence Summary:  Brandi suffers some new wounds while healing some old ones through a lot of tears.

When I stirred the pot, I didn’t expect it to boil over. Whoops.

Our Thoughts:

Rachel:  So, I’m not sure why we had a 3 week hiatus after 7 episodes, but I honestly forgot these ladies were even around.  I mean if you want to just drop out on us in the middle of a Faye v Brandi face-off & disappear with no explanation, then I can’t be responsible for forgetting to check my DVR to see if you came back.  It’s not like I’m waiting to find out who shot JR.  I’m just waiting to see if Kyle bothers to even get up from the table to see if Brandi’s okay.  This isn’t riveting television here.  Mix that with my general level of wine intake on any given day and the odds of me remembering to check on RHOBH are slim to none.  And yet, here I am seeing two episodes on my DVR and being somewhat excited that they’re back.  I know, I make about as much sense as Kim after a visit to the bathroom.  But hey, at least I’m honest.  Shall we pick up where we left off?  Let’s do.

We’re Back

Oh Faye, you’re so lucky that I’m holding my tongue right now because I could drop you before you even knew what hit you.

Time to revisit Hurricane Faye blowing through Kyle’s dinner party.  I still don’t understand who this bitch thinks she is.  She’s not involved in this and needs to shut the hell up.  This is just the way she gets more airtime.  She’s a fame whore and I feel badly for Brandi.  No, this doesn’t mean I’m back on her team.  I’m not that fickle.  I mean she still brings a lot of this on herself, but that was way out of line and holy inappropriate.  So, it’s more that I’m on Team Faye Sucks than I am on Team Brandi at this point.  There’s still time to woo me back, however.

Brandi, like the rest of us, has had enough of the morally corrupt Faye and leaves the party in tears.  Kyle, at Lisa’s urging, goes after Brandi to try and have her come back in.  Who would want to come back into that room?  No entree is enticing enough to have to choke it down at the same table as Faye.  Meanwhile, back inside, Faye continues her assault on all reason and goes after Lisa, who is defending Brandi.  Listen, it’s between Adrienne and Brandi.  There are others tangentially involved, but none of them are named Faye.  Kyle should be pissed… but she won’t be because I have a feeling this is a pot she stirred.

Anyway, now Lisa has walked out to try and console Brandi, but there’s nothing to say.  She is upset, rightfully so, and wants to go home.  Can’t blame her.  Lisa makes the attempt to go back in, but when Faye starts about how it’s not her fault and Kyle shouldn’t be mad, she chooses to leave.  I have to say that it amazes me that Lisa is the only one in the room that understands that friendships aren’t by committee and not everyone is going to get along just because of mutual connections.  And I’m not defending everything Lisa has done or said so put down the pitchforks and torches.  I’m just saying she’s the only one mature enough to not play pretend.  You can’t just say anything you want about someone and expect the friendship to endure just because you’re on TV together.  That’s actual reality.

Hocus Pocus 

Take this rock, that I did not steal from your front yard, and it will ward off evil… or something like that.

Taylor has invited Alisha, a clairvoyant, who may or may not be associated loosely with Oprah, to her house.  She apparently heard about Taylor’s situation and reached out to her because she felt that she needed to bring her harmony and love.  She also felt she needed a way to get her services on national TV.  Hey, I don’t blame a sister for trying to promote her business.  Any of these Housewives want to invite a Winey Bitch for dinner, sign me up.  I’ll dodge Faye’s barbs all night if it’ll get our name out.

Alisha gives Taylor a rock that will help dispel negativity when she holds it.  Yes, holding a rock and drinking an elixir will help you avoid the $1.1MM lawsuit against you.  I’m thinking you might have better luck hiring a really good lawyer.

This woman is a nut job.  I think Taylor thinks she’s a nut job too.  She keeps jerking and bending and standing on her tip toes asking “Father” to give her answers.  Her answer for Taylor is that there will be a settlement with the courts.  That’s your amazing prediction?  Shit, I’ll bring Taylor a rock and tell her that completely inane piece of information for whatever ridiculous sum I promise this woman commands for her “services”.  Oh now we’re ringing bells, burning sage and spraying rose water all over the house.  Yep, big bag of crazy up in here.  And it seems Alisha knows what really happened to Princess Diana… because Diana told her herself.  How do we not get that information shared with us?  I bet it’s earth shattering.

So Not Namaste

The next pose is what I like to call STFU.

Marisa & Kyle are doing yoga at Kyle’s house.  Apparently, we’re getting to know our new Housewife, Marisa, who thinks the behavior at last night’s party was high school.  Oh we’re going to get along very well, Marisa.  Kyle thinks it was more like elementary school… So says that girl who pulls everyone’s pigtails, blames it on someone else & then stands back while the screaming ensues.

OMG, these women won’t stop talking through the entire yoga class.  I’d have walked out if I were the instructor.  Just one more example of their lack of respect for anyone else but themselves.  You’re moving down a peg, Marisa.  But in the blathering, Marisa thinks Brandi is the cool girl who was nice to her, the new girl.  Taylor & Camille didn’t bother to engage her, which is rude.  You mean rude like talking while someone is trying to instruct a yoga class?  Marisa also thinks Faye was out of line because it wasn’t her battle to fight.  Exactly.  Kyle just thinks she wasn’t buying Brandi’s apology.  Who cares?  The apology wasn’t to her so it’s not hers to judge.  Asshole.  Sorry, I really can’t stand Faye.  At all.  I’d trip her if I saw her in LA.

Peace Treaty?

You didn’t really just ask me to talk to Scheana, did you?

Hey, look at Lisa wearing yellow!  I didn’t think she owned anything that wasn’t black, white or pink.  Her entire wardrobe is a giant Good ‘n Plenty box.  She & Brandi are out for a little retail therapy.  Brandi is over the whole Faye thing, so let’s bring up Schaena.  Lisa says that she would like to talk to Brandi and sort the whole thing out.  You know Brandi’s going to… A) because Lisa’s asking her and B) because we already saw the previews.  Personally, I’d show up, tell Shaena to go f**k herself and walk about.  Maybe throw a glass of water in her face.  Hey, if I’m going to meet Scheana, it’s because I’m a Housewife and should act accordingly.  In all reality, I think most women would love to have the opportunity to confront someone that hurt them.  On camera.  For all the world to judge.  Or is that just me?  And should anyone want to see that, I have a few options that would work.  Just sayin…

By the way, I know I keep spelling Scheana differently, but I just can’t care enough to look it up.

Ring Ring

The psychic didn’t predict this.

Are we going to be doing more hocus pocus?  No, we’re going to be talking to Taylor’s lawyer.  Apparently, Russell signed an agreement when he & his partner parted ways on which Taylor was signatory.  That means a$1.1MM has become her burden to pay, which would be doable if that $14MM trust that Russel left her wasn’t empty.  Oops.  Taylor’s lawyer says the partner has proposed that he take her 10-carat wedding ring, sell it and consider it a win.  I think you would more consider that a giant F.U.  Wow, that’s cold.  I mean it would probably put a nice dent in the balance, but ouch.  Needless to say, Taylor doesn’t so much take it well.  They also want two Hermes handbags.  Damn, these people are ruthless.  I mean an Hermes bag isn’t going to make a dent in $1.4MM.  So it’s really just to twist the knife.

Girly Girl

I’m always so surprised to see  Yolanda.  I barely remember she’s on the show.  But I do enjoy her and the vegetable refrigerator we get a glimpse of every episode.  She’s making spaghetti bolognese for dinner for her kids.  Well, she’s attempting it anyway.  I do like that she is actually raising her kids.  It’s nice to see she didn’t turn them over to nannies and maids.  Wait, did she just say volleyball is a masculine sport?  That the women are big and bulky?  Have you seen Gabrielle Reese?  Big, yes.  Bulky, no.  Yolanda would prefer her daughter Gabby focus on her career as a model and develop as a woman.  Yeah, one step forward, two steps back with Yolanda.  That’s such a ridiculously antiquated philosophy.  The fact that Gabby is more interested in sports than modeling is not of interest to mom.  The fact that she used to wear Lakers jerseys to school and looked like a lesbian is.  I’m thinking this young lady is a bit smarter than mom thinks she is and will figure it out on her own.  Here’s hoping anyway.

Girl Talk

Camille has Brandi over for some tea and sympathy.  She tells Brandi that her kids aren’t allowed to say her name in Kelsey’s house.  If that’s true, that’s horrible.  And not for Camille, but for her kids.  They shouldn’t be in the middle of their parents’ insanity.  But it seems that Kelsey is that much of an egoist so I can believe it.

Brandi is there in hopes of getting the perspective of someone who has been through what she’s been through.  She appreciates Lisa’s input, but it really comes from a place of everyone being happy, but she isn’t sure that’s in her.  This is funny considering I just spewed about how Lisa gets that not everyone has to be friends and happy.  Well, live and learn.  Maybe it’s everyone but Lisa.

Brandi tells Camille about the possibility of talking to Scheana.  Camille says if it gives her closure then she should do it.  She’d talk to Kayte if she had the chance.  She’d want to know what Kelsey told her.  See, we all have someone we’d love to confront given the chance.  They basically agree that it’s time to get the elephant out of the room so she can go to Sur.  Yes, because going to a restaurant is the reason for this.

Yolanda

Oh two scenes with Yolanda.  It’s a bonus week!  She spends time with her horses which is a more expensive endeavor than it used to be what with them needing massages and holistic vitamin packs.  {{{  eye roll  }}}  Rich people problems.

Toxin Removal

Hi, Paul. Translation: Everything you do annoys me.
Hi, Adrienne. Translation: You bug the shit out of me too.

Damn, forgot about her too.  She is going for a visit to Paul’s office to discuss a skin care line that they want to develop.  We don’t get very far into the conversation since they have to bicker about everything in the room before they can discuss business.  I’m shocked they managed to stay together as long as they did.  Do you really care if her lipstick is on your mug, Paul?  And do you need to get your equal credit when he says he’s put a lot of hard work into the line, Adrienne?  But this is a good distraction for Adrienne because she needs some time away from the girls.  Brandi is toxic and she needs space.  So, skin care products it is.

One Ring & Two Bags

Let’s celebrate my freedom with a bag that’s not Hermes.

Taylor, a friend of hers, Lisa, Ken, Kyle & Mauricio meet for dinner so Taylor can announce to them that she has settled her lawsuit.  Seems she did indeed give up her wedding ring & two Hermes bags, which she shares withe table through tears.  She says it’s a good thing, but she still owes them a little bit of money.  Kyle says it’s just material things and they can be replaced.  Lisa is proud of her and sees she’s turned a corner.  Everyone cheers and is thrilled to have a happy dinner…  almost…

Seems “Dude That Taylor Brought” has heard that Kim has been spotted frequenting the Havana Club, which it seems is a cigar bar.  Taylor is quick to defend Kim by saying that she can be at a cigar bar.  It doesn’t mean she’s drinking.  Kyle agrees with her, but says in her individual interview that she can’t believe Kim would be there while working so hard on her sobriety.  Kyle tells the table that she had invited Kim to her dinner party, but she declined because Kyle forgot about Eric’s birthday in Vegas.  Kyle says she wasn’t invited, but it’s ok.  The girls aren’t buying that she thinks it’s ok, but she insists she’s fine.  She just thought that her relationship with Kim would have changed when she found sobriety.  Not so much.  And now we’re left to wonder if she is actually sober.

Showdown

OK bitch, let’s do this thing.

Time for the showdown between Scheana and Brandi.  First, Lisa checks in and tells her that she doesn’t have to do this.  Scheana needs to do it so they can be in the same world without the tension.  Plus, she needs to apologize.  Yeah, she does.

Brandi walks in wearing a hot LBD, which is clearly for Scheana’s benefit.  It screams, “You may have slept with my man, but I’m still hotter than you.”  Screams it loud & clear.  Now, let’s do this thing.  Scheana starts by saying she’s sorry and then bursts into tears.  Brandi tells her not to cry.  She’s not the one who lost anything.    She’s the one that slept with a married man and then sold her story.  Nice.  Yeah, I don’t think anyone is buying Scheana’s sob story.  I just don’t get how you can, in this day & age, say you didn’t know a famous man was married.  All it takes is a Google Search on the smart phone I have no doubt you’re constantly connected to.  Oh snap, I didn’t know she sold her story to the press as the woman scorned by Eddie & Leanne.  That’s dirty.  And to defend it by saying that he took her on trips and bought her diamond earrings is making me want to vomit.  You slept with a married man.  You made that choice and that makes you the mistress.  Period.  And is she really going on by saying this guy made her fall for him and then she found out he had a wife & kids?  STFU.  It’s not like he was some guy from Topeka on a business trip, which might actually take two Google searches to get the skinny on.  He is a famous-ish actor.  IMDB.  Done.  I love that Brandi is just not hearing it.  And can we please discuss that Scheana just said that he took her to Coach & Horses, as if that proves he loved her.  I used to love that place, but it’s a dive bar.  It’s not like he was taking her to the Ritz.

Gawd, this girl is an idiot.  Why are you defending yourself?  Just apologize and move on.  And to add salt to the wound, one of the people that Brandi thought was her friend knew about the affair but lied to her face.  That sucks.  That’s a new cut to an old wound.  But Brandi sums it up correctly.  Scheana didn’t “steal” her man.  You can’t take someone’s man unless they’re willing to be taken.  Brandi, you should handle yourself like this all the time.  This is class.  This is how you confront an enemy.  And with that she accepts Scheana’s apology and leaves like a lady.  Bravo, Brandi.

Bottom Line:

Rachel:  Oh my love affair with Brandi is such a roller coaster.  I know she is a good person who has had bad things happen to her.  But I have such a low tolerance for people who can’t control their tempers and their mouths then don’t understand why they’re in hot water.  Maybe this is the first step to a kinder, gentler Brandi.  Now, can we talk about Kim and the cigar bar?