Tag Archives: Kim Richards

One Sentence Summary: The Housewives do their best to ruin Paris for the rest of us.

Listen to what I say, not how I say it.

My Thoughts:

Rachel: Just when I thought I had reached the pinnacle of my annoyance with this season, the Housewives decide to go to Paris and ruin what is a sacred place for the Winey Bitches. I mean couldn’t they leave us alone with our pain from having had to listen to these women fight over the same subject for what… 9 weeks now? NINE! Look, if I’m going to watch 9-plus weeks of something, it’s going to be a very hot Mickey Rourke feeding a blindfolded Kim Basinger back when both of them were sane and had their original faces. That’s 9 1/2 Weeks of fun. This is nine weeks of my needing to self-medicate before I can even turn on the DVR. Hence my being 5 days behind. And now they take this BS to Paris? The Winey Bitches’ favorite city in the world? It’s an entire city whose existence is based on cheese, wine, chocolate and beautiful things. What’s not to love? And what do the producers at Bravo do? They send a group of women who cannot behave in public to ruin it for the rest of us. Oh, I guess Yolanda has managed to mind her public manners thus far. So, the group minus Yolanda. Let’s see if I have a Bordeaux in my wine cabinet for this episode. So what if it’s morning here? It’s clearly the dinner hour in Paris… Viva La France!

Confronting Demons

Oh, so now it’s ok to call people out!

Are we starting off with Kim’s crazy? Oh no, she’s going to visit Kyle. Oh wait, it’s Kim. So it’s always crazy. And yes, here we go. Kim is so excited about the fact that Kyle has turtle shells hanging on her wall that you’d think they were sprinkling pixie dust around the room. Well, I guess if you’re on pixie dust (allegedly), they might be that exciting. I’m a little less enthused about turtles as decor, but I’m going to assume they’re not real shells. But Kim’s really there to talk about Taylor’s crazy behavior. Guess it takes one to know one? Kim thinks she has a drinking problem and thinks they need to confront it. Kyle says she’s scared to say anything after the warm & loving reception she received from her sister when she was confronted… and after she was confronted… and after she got help. For once, I can’t actually blame Kyle for feeling the way she feels. Well, Kim’s going either way and she’d like Kyle to come. With that, Kyle’s in and Taylor is home so here we go for this season’s intervention. Again, A&E talk to Bravo about doing a crossover show. So much material. You can even throw in some Dr. Drew and now we have a three-way with VH1. Sexy.

Fly Me To St. Tropez

Pay attention, Giggy. If I have to sit through this, so do you.

I love that Ken is feeding the swans at his home. Who has swans just swimming around a pond at their home? Right, they do. Anyway, Lisa would like Ken to come help her pack for their trip to St. Tropez. That’s where Warren, Ken’s son from his first marriage, lives with his wife Susan, one of Lisa’s friends who is much older than Warren. Oh how scandalously Cougar Town. Love it.

Up in the closet that we have to see a panoramic view of during every episode, Lisa gives Ken a fashion show. This is annoying for Ken who would like tea. But he doesn’t get tea because Maria, who works for Lisa, brings up only one cup. Oh, rich white people problems. Seriously. I can’t wait until enough people are reading this blog that I can hire someone to bring me my wine in bed. Yes, someone young and smokin’ hot who can bring me my wine with this six-pack abs. We must only need like 5 more readers for that… sigh…

I’m An Alcoholic, You’re An Alcoholic, Wouldn’t You Like To Be Alcoholic Too?

The look you get right before Taylor goes “Oklahoma” on your ass.

Kim & Kyle roll by Taylor’s to ambush her about her drinking as she’s coming back from her accountant’s office. They ask Taylor about the incident with Kennedy. Taylor says it was a hand-off issue. Just a mix-up. OK, you didn’t know where your kid was. That’s not just a mix-up. But Kim doesn’t have time to pussyfoot around so she just flat out tells Taylor she has a drinking problem. Roll montage of Taylor drinking. Seriously, while I do think Taylor is drinking too much as a way to cope, you could run that montage of any of these women. That being said, she might need to spend some more time with her shrink friend from last season. Taylor is taken aback because this was just a miscommunication. But it’s been a shit year for her and she knows a few drinks will help her forget. Kim says she understands and knows how easy alcohol is, but when you get to a place where you’re embarrassing yourself & your kids, it’s time to face the problem. Taylor actually hears them and agrees to pull back on the drinking. That’s good. I’m sincerely happy she took that well. Let’s just hope she does it.

Now, let’s talk about Kim… Does anyone else notice how sometimes she totally slurs and sometimes she’s totally lucid? I’m not saying she’s necessarily drinking again, but it sure sounds like there might be some muscle relaxers involved. Allegedly. It just seems strange how her speech patterns change so drastically if there is no substance being used… But seeing as how the previews are all about her being cray in Paris, I guess we’re about to find out. Or maybe in 9 weeks from now, we’ll find out.

A Little Housewarming

No, he loves to be treated this way. It’s part of why he loves me so so much.

Yolanda finishes decorating Mohammed’s house… Hmm… house seems quite the understatement. It’s insane. Yolanda is having a house-warming to show the girls her work. And to give her a storyline. Nice to have an ex whose house you can use for parties. Oh look, more swans. I guess swans are the symbol of knowing you’ve truly made it.

Lisa is first to arrive and tells Yolanda she is going to St. Tropez. Yolanda is going to be in Paris the same time and suggests that they meet up during Lisa’s layover. And the Paris trip is born. I’d be fine with these two lovely ladies going. Why can’t we just keep it at that? Man, that Jennifer is getting some serious airtime this season being Brandi’s sidekick. If she gets a trip to Paris out of it, I’m going to have to start thinking about friending one of these women. I choose Lisa. Adrienne, on the other hand, its getting a lot less airtime since she refuses to attend any of the parties other than Kyle’s. She texted Yolanda this morning that she was bailing. Not surprised.

And here we have Marisa, yet again, belittling her husband in public. I seriously want to shake him so he wakes up & sees how awful she treats him. I hope that, in private, she is much kinder and supportive because this shit is terrible. How many people need to hear that her husband is so in love with her? Tonight it’s Yolanda, David Foster, Jennifer & Brandi. He’s so in love with her that he lets her tell him how much she’d like to have sex with other hot men. Pause… no one is laughing. Hmmm… not even a smirk. Gee, is it sinking in yet, Marisa, that you don’t disrespect your spouse like that? Apparently not if we’re judging by her really loud laughter. Holy uncomfortable moment. Moving on…

Kyle & Mauricio show up and it turns out that they too are going to Paris the same time as Lisa & Yolanda. Really? All three of you happen to be going to Paris at the same time? Is this where I suspend reality and pretend that yes this is just happening naturally? It is? OK… continue. So, now they might as well invite all the girls and make a party out of it. Brandi is in. Taylor, however, is not going to go to Paris. She’s going to stay home & take care of herself… and Kennedy. Marisa is in too.

And speaking of taking care of Taylor, Yolanda is about to do the same. She wants to know why the girls tell her that Taylor has an issue with her. Taylor plays dumb. She has no idea what she’s talking about. But in her interview, Taylor tells us her issue is with David over a past relationship he had with her friend, Linda. Well, that makes it totally ok for you then to show up at his home and disrespect him and say shit about Yolanda for no reason. What a load of crap. Yolanda tells Kyle about the conversation and they agree that it’s because David’s ex is still in love with him. Oh petty high school games. Are you really still playing that nonsense Taylor?

Le Cougar Ville

Welcome to the home I’ve made with your son who is much younger than me like Lisa is much younger than you.

Lisa, Ken and Giggy arrive at Warren’s manse. Seriously, how do I find myself a man to marry in St. Tropez? I’m seriously doing this dating thing all wrong. I gotta go cougar me a man with a home in France.

Warren’s son is graduating from high school this week… Wait, this guy has a kid in high school that’s Ken’s grandson? Let me do some math on this… Yeah, that’s right. I guess I just don’t think of Ken being a man in his late 60′s even though he clearly is. So there’s that. But they’re just one big happy family. Cheers!

Ugh, I’m seriously writing with jealousy at life in France. I know it’s not all sunshine and apertifs, but it has to be really really close. It’s my dream and it’s making me want to take my last $5 and run away to Paris right now. Well, maybe I’ll wait until spring when it’s warmer. I imagine being homeless is much more tolerant when it’s not snowing. They must have French reality TV, non?

Ken would like Warren to live in LA, but it isn’t something that interests him. Lisa would like them to at least come and visit. She feels close to Warren since they’re only 5 years apart in age. Well, if Lisa is 16 years younger than Ken and there’s 5 years between she & Warren, then Ken was 21 when he had him. They couldn’t figure that out earlier so I’m here with the basic math skills required to help them out. It’s their last night in St Tropez, to which Sue replies, “Thank God.” Granted, I get that she’s joking and the editors are having their way with the video, but she certainly isn’t creating a sense of warmth with her “in-laws”… or this viewer.

Ooh La La, Paris

See, I’m blowing on it. So it must be coffee in my cup.

Whoa, Yolanda is flying commercial! I guess she’s willing to slum it for Brandi. Good friend. And look, Kim is going to make a flight! And she has her driver’s license and passport! It’s a crazy day at the ol’ LAX. Kyle asks what tricks Kim had up her sleeve when she was drinking and she said she used to put wine in her coffee cup. Wait, that’s wrong?

Kyle gets a call from Marisa who is in tears. Her father-in-law passed away as they were on their way to the airport. Oh, that’s so sad. Kyle says this puts into perspective how precious life is and what a waste all their fighting is. Yeah yeah… I’ll buy your song and dance for about as long as it takes for the plane to land in Paris.

They arrive at their hotel and it’s Bastille day. The gang gathers in Brandi’s room to watch the fireworks… everyone except Kim. She actually answers her phone when Kyle calls and says she’s on her way. When she does arrive, her behavior is, shall we say, curious. Lisa is worried because Kim doesn’t seem lucid. This is what I’ve been saying, people. Allegedly.

Bottom Line:

Rachel: So Lisa & Kyle get into a fight at the Eiffel Tower next week. The Eiffel freaking Tower. Really, ladies? You’re killing me here.

One Sentence Summary:  Another White Party is stained with drama & accusations.

You don’t make the rules. I do.

Our Thoughts:

Rachel:  OK, I am SUPER behind on this show.  And it’s almost not even worth reviewing being this far behind.  But hey, I have to watch it anyhow so I might as well gift the world my deep thoughts and mind-blowing insights.  AKA – Spew more venom.  I have to be honest, I have had the hardest time bringing myself to watch this episode because I couldn’t be more sick of a topic than I am of the Brandi v Adrienne fight.  Seriously, it’s tedious beyond words at this point.  It really just goes to prove how very little real issues these women deal with on a daily basis.  Seriously, Brandi’s entire life revolves around talking to the press about her ex & his new wife.  Any day of any week you can find something new about her plight.  Get a life, Brandi.  It’s tired.  We’re tired.  Aren’t you tired?  And Adrienne.  Come on.  She said you had a surrogate for your twins.  BFD.  No one cares.  No, for real, no one cares.  Move on and enjoy your time with Rod Stewart’s son… Not even touching that one.  Anyway, let’s get this over with.

Something Smells Funny

It’s gorgeous, but Paul could totally have done a better job.

Kim is having a party to show off her new nose.  Yes, only in Hollywood do we have a party for a nose job.  It’s also a coffee party.  That’s right.  No booze, ladies.  You might have to take responsibility for your own actions.  Oh Jesus, Faye again?  Why?  Why?  Why?  I love that Kyle just made Marisa spit out her gum because it’s impolite.  Gum chewing you’re worried about.  Starting fights in public places… not so much.  Um, ok.

Taylor calls Kim to let her know that she can’t make it because she was invited to go on a plane with a man she’s in love with.  They’ve known each other a long time but got close in the last 48 hours and now she’s in love.  She’s also hammered.  Allegedly.  No, she’s hammered.  I’m not hedging my bets on that one.  That’s a lot of slurring happening there.  At least, Kim is around to translate.  Oh, dont tsk tsk me.  You were thinking it too.  Kyle asks if she should then just keep Kennedy with her overnight.  Taylor is surprised to hear that Kyle has her daughter.  She had no clue.  Um, where did you think your daughter was as you head to the airport?  At home fixing herself a martini and some dinner?  Holy out of control!  Kyle does what Kyle does and tells everyone what just happened.  Marisa thinks Kyle takes care of Kennedy too much.  Yeah, the problem here isn’t that Kennedy is with Kyle.  It’s that Taylor forgot she had a kid in the first place.  A kid that needs to be taken care of while she flies off to parts unknown with a man unknown.

But enough about Taylor.  It’s time to reveal the new nose!  Well, and celebrate Kim’s sobriety.  But mostly her new nose.  And there it is… Um, it’s bascially the same nose.  But everyone says it’s gorgeous so it’s gorgeous.  Of course, Adrienne says about 15 times that her husband could have done just as good of a job.  She even says it to the doctor.  Shut up, Adrienne.  We know your husband is a surgeon too.  But maybe you should call Radar online and let them know that.

House On Fire

This is me leaving without you. You should probably get used to it.

Adrienne & Paul are hanging in the backyard when they smell smoke.  They go outside and see Lisa’s old house on fire.  The firefighters can’t get in the gate so they’re trying to get it from the top.  Adrienne goes into total panic mode, throws her kids in the car and leaves.  Paul, on the other hand, thinks it’s stupid to leave and doesn’t go with them.  Adrienne says it was a really bad choice.  Have we just seen the public beginning of the marriage unraveling?

White Party

Oh snap, she brought evidence. Someone call our lawyer!

It’s Kyle’s Annual White Party.  Last year, Taylor & Russell were uninvited because of the threat of a lawsuit against Camille.  This year, Brandi’s been threatened but Adrienne & Paul are still invited.  Hypocrisy much?  Well, that just means this year the fight will be indoors instead of on the front sidewalk.  Of course that is if Kyle can get the decorations right.  She’s having a fit over everything including the fact that they can’t move the pool table out of the room it’s in.  It’s a pool table, Kyle.  Not a folding lawn chair.  You don’t just move it into another room for a few hours.  Genius.

Apparently Adrienne has forgiven Paul for playing too close to the fire as they head to the White Party together. She’s going to be polite to Brandi tonight because she doesn’t care anymore.  Uh-huh.   She would like Paul to be polite too.  He’s not as sold.  They have a conversation about the fact that there is no letter from their lawyers.  Well played for the cameras.  Not buying it.

At the party, there’s a lot of conversation about Adrienne’s self-tanner ruining Lisa’s furniture.  Don’t you have enough money, Adrienne, to get a nice non-transferable spray tan?  Wait, don’t you have a spray tan machine in your house?  Why are you using shit self-tanner? Adrienne says baby wipes takes it off.  Missing the point, darling.  Gross.  Just gross.

Taylor shows up and tells Kim about her escapades with the mystery man.  He had to see her so she had to go.  It may not go anywhere, but the attention felt good.  She makes no mention of the Kennedy debacle which freaks Kim out.  Yeah, well, maybe someone should be checking to see if she remembers having a kid tonight.

Brandi is feeling anxious having to see Paul for the first time since their confrontation.  She feels like it would be better if she & Adrienne made a fragile peace.  So she would like to have a conversation with Adrienne one-on-one.  She sends her friend to make the invitation, which is hilarious.  Should she pass her a note too?  Paul won’t let Adrienne go alone.  Well, that isn’t helpful.  Then again, Brandi has Jennifer there so I guess it’s fair game.  Brandi doesn’t want to ruin the party or have issues.  Adrienne admits they sent a letter, but that’s not a lawsuit.  So there is your reason as to why Adrienne is innocent of all charges.  Neither wanted to have to hire a lawyer, but Brandi says she had to hire one because Adrienne hired hers first.  And the screaming begins.  Brandi pulls a wad of papers from her purse to prove that their chef Bernie is selling stories about her.  Paul seems somewhat stumped by the fact that Brandi brought proof with her.

Outside, Lisa explains to Kyle why she should have thrown out Adrienne & Paul like she threw out Taylor & Russell last year.  Quid pro quo.  Kyle says she’s just not able to go through again what she went through last year.  Right, your emotional hardship is the reason.  Bitch, please.  Taylor agrees and says that Adrienne, who was one of the more vocal people saying she & Russell should leave, is a hypocrite.  This was the point she was making at the tea party.  Kyle finally understands there’s a double standard.  Duh.  But it’s not her problem.  So she’s not getting involved.  Um, so you only get involved when you don’t have to be the bad guy.  By the way, it’s about to be your problem.

Meanwhile, back at the fight they’re still having a semantics battle over whether a letter of intent is the same as a lawsuit.  Sweet fancy Moses on buttered toast!  Who cares!?!?  Yeah, you sent a letter.  Yeah, you threatened a lawsuit.  No, you didn’t technically sue her.  But you threatened.  Admit it, own it, move on.  You can keep calling it a “warning” but it’s a threat.  And it’s a threat that needed to be addressed.  Paul says that Brandi should just watch what she says.

Friends don’t sue friends unless they’re the friends doing the suing but then it’s only threatening. Dig?

Now the riff raff are making their way into the room.  Ken says that friends don’t sue friends.  Is that on a t-shirt somewhere?  He could have taken umbrage with Paul & Adrienne for the things they said, but they didn’t sue them.  Paul pipes off on him and Ken calls his bullshit.  Literally. Ha.  Go, Ken.  Paul brings up the Maloof Hoof.  I still can’t believe that even was a blip on the radar.  Really? That one needs to be let go.  It’s beyond stupid.  Taylor would like them to acknowledge that it’s the same thing she & Russell did last year.  Adrienne says it’s not the same. Dwight, Taylor’s friend, spells it out in black & white for Paul who dismisses him like a bitch.  Paul being the bitch.  He’s such a bitch I can’t even take it with his dismissals and head shaking and smirking.  I wish this was Miami so someone would throw him in the pool.  Then again, he is wearing all white… so maybe not. No one needs to see that.

And the bottom line is that Adrienne & Brandi both think they were making progress before everyone walked in.  Huh?  That was progress?  Well, who cares because it stops the fighting and everyone goes on their merry way.  Brandi’s just glad she got to speak her peace.  Well, alrighty then.  Does that mean we don’t have to talk about it anymore?  Please?

Bottom Line:

Rachel:  They’re going to Paris?  NO!  Don’t give the Europeans any more reasons to hate American tourists!

One Sentence Summary:  Lisa tries another tea party and strikes out again.

Remember me?

Our Thoughts:

Rachel:  Hi all.  Again, I apologize for the lateness, but I’m out of town on business and Melissa is in Aruba.  So, I’m a half-woman show this week.  And yes, I fully got the short end of the stick on this one.  She’s drinking mojitos on a sandy beach and I’m… not.  Although I am in LA, which is never bad.  I just wish I had some spare time to go and stalk Beverly Hills for some Housewife sightings.  But I don’t even have time for a glass of wine at Sur.  Thankfully for you, however, I don’t have any Valentine’s Day plans so I get to spend the evening drinking wine, eating chocolate I bought for myself and catching up on reality TV.  Who said blogging isn’t glamorous?  Sure wasn’t me.  For a moment I forgot that tonight is the night that Brandi & Adrienne come face to face.  Lord give me strength.  I’m so over these two and the insanity around the non bombshell… though I did hear a rumor from a pretty reliable source at the baby shower I attended Sunday that we’re not getting the real story.  Hmm….  Wonder what it could be… Wonder if I still care…

Grudge Match

I take whatever side works best for me in the moment. What did you expect me to do?

We start with Kyle having issues finding room for all her clothes.  Am I supposed to feel badly that she has run out of room in her closet that is the size of most people’s bedrooms?  The most I’m giving is a bored eye roll to this situation.

Anyway, Kyle is getting ready to go to Lisa’s to discuss the state of their friendship.  It’s time to sit down and get it all out on the table.  Kyle doesn’t like having issues with her friends and it makes her physically ill to know there’s tension over a petty argument.  I don’t know.  I wouldn’t call Lisa feeling that you didn’t stick up for when her character was attacked petty.

Kyle arrives and there is a few minutes of awkward small talk before Lisa launches into Kyle not backing her up when Camille accused her of not owning Sur.  An accusation that I’m still confused about.  It really made no sense.  But anyway, Kyle didn’t think that needed defending since Lisa addressed it on her own.  Her not jumping in wasn’t to not defend Lisa.  It was to not create another fight in the room.  Fighting makes Kyle anxious.  Well, it makes Lisa anxious too.  And yet, you both spend a majority of your lives around fighting.  So, there’s that.  Honestly, this is all so stupid.

Lisa thinks it’s time for Adrienne to come back to the group and speak for herself instead of everyone arguing in her defense.  So she’s hosting a tea for all the ladies.  Yes, because the last one went so well.  Let’s do it again!  Get your ear plugs ready.  It’s gonna get loud in here.

Oh wait, here we go with the reunion character assassination video.  We’re going here again?  Yes, because Lisa still needs Kyle to understand why their relationship has changed.  Kyle gets it and just wants to move past it.  Seriously, Lisa.  Let it go.  Kyle didn’t attack you.  Adrienne did. And you’ve moved past it with Adrienne… so you keep saying.  You really need to move past it with Kyle too.  I’m actually getting embarrassed for you.  It’s petty being this upset because your friend didn’t get mad enough for you.  If you don’t want to be friends with Kyle, don’t be friends.  If you do, then you just have to accept Kyle for who she is.  She’s a pot stirrer.  She’s not a defender.  She sits back and watches shit fly around her.  That’s who she is.  And she’s right, you gotta stop holding grudges.  It’s such a waste of energy.

You’re Irrelevant 

If only I had enough money to enjoy the finer things in life… like owning multiple horses the way I own multiple refrigerators.

Yolanda has invited Brandi into her perfect world to watch her daughter horseback ride.  OK, seriously there’s not an ounce of fat between the two of them.   Annoying.  Yolanda is liking Brandi more and more because she likes an honest girl.  Wait, did Yolanda just say she is sorry that she can only afford one horse for her kid?  I don’t know where to start with all the things wrong with that sentence.  Seriously, I’m incredulous at how insane that is on so many levels.  Levels that I have a feeling I don’t need to spell out for you… So, let’s just keep going before my head explodes.

Brandi thanks Yolanda for trying to diffuse the situation in Vegas.  Oh wait, that’s right.  How my swiss cheese wine-addled brain forgets… Kyle did pipe up in Vegas and tell Yolanda that she won’t stay out of it because she defends her friends.  I guess she forgot that part when she was trying to tell Lisa that she’s Switzerland.  Brandi was hoping that Yolanda would be attending Lisa’s tea, but she has to be out of town.  This makes Brandi nervous since Adrienne will be attending as well.  Yolanda thinks Adrienne is a very insecure woman who uses her status to intimidate people.  Yeah, pretty much.  She also thinks that in the big picture Adrienne Maloof is nobody.  ha… I would agree here as well, but I don’t need a letter from her lawyers over here at Winey Bitch West.  I just hope that Brandi listens when Yolanda says to blow it all off.  Well, I say I hope but I know that it’s a waste of time.  I’ve seen the previews.

Insani-tea

How could I have predicted this afternoon would go badly?!?!

Time for tea at Lisa’s.  That house is insane.  Just ridiculous.  Before the ladies arrive, we have to do a little cross-promotion for Vanderpump Rules with Lisa telling Jax & Peter to enjoy their afternoon bartending with cougars.  And we have to have a conversation with Brandi about keeping her mouth shut.  What a waste of time.  And doesn’t it get exhausting having a friend that you have to admonish before every event to keep her pie hole closed unless she’s putting food or booze into it? I know I’m exhausted.  I’m also hiccuping… maybe I ought to slow down on the merlot.

Taylor shows up with a vibrator for Lisa.  I forgot she was even on this show.  Adrienne heads out to Lisa’s and is worried about seeing Brandi.  She doesn’t think she’s going to get the warm and fuzzies from her.  Really?  What gives you that idea?  I love hanging out with people that sue me.  On her way, she picks up Kyle and The Morally Corrupt Faye Resnick.  Fuck me.  Who invited her?  I really hate her.  And I’m not someone that uses that word lightly.  But she’s a big bowl of suck soup.  And I love how Adrienne is all about leaving things behind and moving forward when I’m pretty sure her face has been all over the press drudging up the past.  Taylor thinks Adrienne has been selling stories to the press.

Oh, it seems Kyle showed up with Faye unannounced and uninvited.  Who does that?  Seriously, weren’t you just talking about how mannered you were in the car as you were on your way to a party you weren’t invited to?  And as if there weren’t enough tension in the room, Camille shows up.  But at least she came bearing gifts.  Nothing says, “Let’s let bygones be bygones” better than presents.  I know it works for me.

Kim calls to tell Lisa that she won’t be making it to the party because her new puppy hit her in the face.  Seeing as how she’s recovering from a nose job, this is a bad fact.  However, she also said during the conversation that she “shouldn’t have been out.”  Wait, did the dog hit you or were you out somewhere?  And so begins again the strange excuses from Kim as to why she’s not showing up to parties.  But what’s even stranger is that Lisa chose to take this call from the bathroom.

OK, not even kidding.  Nodded off during the commercial break.  Yep, that’s how I feel about this episode.  Yay, we’re sitting down to our formal tea now.  Our formal tea where everyone is drinking rosé and no one is drinking tea.  My kind of tea party.  And yet, I’m still bored out of my skull tonight.  I’m getting a headache with all this pink and all these women eating their food without using their lips.  Is keeping your lipstick on really that important?  And did I just see Taylor’s ass and her flipping the bird in the last 30 seconds?  Just shoot me now.

You’re costing me money with every drunken statement you’re making!

And as we continue to talk about Taylor and her gymnastics, she says that she’ll do a handspring, but if she breaks her neck, she’s suing Lisa… since everyone there likes to sue each other.  Jesus Taylor, really?  Kyle tries to change the subject to her white party… How much fun will that be?  Taylor?  Well, the white party for her is a bad memory since she & Russell were kicked out because of lawsuits.  Sigh… Someone take the wine out of Taylor’s hand.  I’m starting to think she might need to spend some time at Kim’s special place… allegedly.  Lisa pulls Taylor & Brandi aside and tells them to cut the crap with the innuendos.  Brandi’s not sure why she’s in the conversation.  Neither is Taylor but she’s also not sure where she is.

Back at the table, Adrienne says she knows where this conversation is going but she’s not suing anyone… and by anyone, she means Brandi.  Camille gets her back and says this is true.  How do you know, Camille?  And I thought you didn’t want to be on the show this year?  So let’s keep it quiet over there.  Taylor returns after being told to STFU and immediately proceeds to accuse Adrienne of threatening to sue Brandi.  Adrienne denies.  Taylor scoffs.  Kyle pretends she has no idea what’s going on.  I pour more wine.  No, Taylor, you may not have some.

As Brandi & Lisa return to the table, Taylor asks Brandi if she got a letter from Adrienne threatening to sue her.  OMG!  Someone call the gimp and ball-gag this bitch!  Brandi says yes, her lawyer got a letter.  Adrienne says there’s no letter.  Brandi says fine.  Taylor continues to question Adrienne.  Adrienne denies. Camille defends some more.  And the wheels start to come off the apple cart.  Can you guess what happens next?  Me too… You said, no you said, no you said, no you said.  But you aren’t nice.  No you aren’t nice.  You’re obsessed with me.  No you’re obsessed with me.  Can we just see the letter so we can just stop this?  And I love that Taylor is just sitting back eating her dessert like this is just happening around her.  And with that, tea is over.  And so am I… Over this show.  Over this entire situation.  It’s so tedious at this point.  Seriously, an entire season about petty childish accusations?  Snore.

Bottom Line:

Rachel:  I hated tonight.