One Sentence Summary - Reza jumps off the angry cliff into the abyss of crazy.
Rachel: Man, I just can’t make it happen for the Shahs this season. What I loved about this show when it started was how awesome Reza was and how interesting and down-to-earth Asa was. Not so much anymore. They have gone from being the brokers of love and peace to the popular kids that decide who gets to play and who doesn’t. And Heaven help you if you’re not invited to play because it’s a cold, lonely place to be. After watching MJ’s behavior at dinner and not one person stepping in when she told Lilly that none of the people at the table were her friends, I just totally lost the will to watch anymore. And we all know, I have a high tolerance for low class. I am hoping that Reza pulls a NeNe and recovers from the fame aneurism that is clearly making him act like a pompous ass. Yes, he still makes some funny quips – as did NeNe. Yes, he is still the center of the group – as was NeNe. But his arrogance is toxic – as was NeNe’s. So, maybe there’s still hope. As for Asa, meh. I’m not as invested, but I’d be happy to see her actually live by her mantra of spirituality. Come on, Asa, I know you can do it.
A Hairy Situation
Reza & Mike are at a hair restoration clinic. Really? Which one of them needs hair? Maybe they’re there to make a donation. Mike says it’s he who needs the hair, but I’m so confused as to exactly where this hair is going. I mean I guess there is a little spot on the hairline, but this seems extreme. Let’s see what the doctor says. Doc is with me and says that Mike is not a candidate for a hair transplant. There’s thinning but no balding. Seriously, the vanity is ridiculous. And while Mike is there voluntarily, it turns out it was at Reza’s suggestion so that he wouldn’t end up bald. Are we supposed to pretend that we don’t know that this is about Reza needing to feel power over Mike to make himself feel better? Oh, OK. Got it.
Well, the hair humiliation was a fail, so Reza says that Mike also has issues with having stuff in his ears. Stuff? What stuff? We’re in luck because the hair doctor’s brother is also a doctor and just happens to be available. Brother doctor comes in and checks Mike’s ears for stuff. Seems he has dandruff of the ear. Don’t look at me like that. I’m not scripting this show. This is what the doctor is saying: ear dandruff. But it’s just dry skin and there’s a cream for that. Well, thank God. You found something “wrong” Reza. Feel better now?
Oh boy, more MJ and her mother, Vida. Today, they are going for a golf lesson together and mom gets to drive the golf cart… very very slowly. MJ tells her pro that she’s there because she spends most of her time in West Hollywood and would prefer to be around straight male energy. You might want to hit up a Home Depot then. I suggest heading straight to the power tools section. Mom & MJ hit some balls at the driving range – well, MJ hits some balls, while mom just whiffs it. But they still manage to have a good time, which we know is never a given with these two. Vida even manages a compliment. Today was a good day.
Asa brings her parents to the Diamond Water bottling plant. It’s very sweet to see that Asa’s parents are proud of her. See, I’m not always snarky. They hope some day that the people of Iran can drink Diamond Water. Yeah, if they want to pay $4 per bottle. Plus shipping and handling. And the snark is back.
Not Nice To Meet You
Adam calls Reza to let him know that he met a new neighbor and has invited him over for cocktails. Reza is less than thrilled, but says OK.
Upon his arrival home, Reza meets Sasha, the gay Persian neighbor. To say Reza is underwhelmed by his new neighbor is an understatement. Adam asks Sasha if he’s Muslim or Jewish. He says he’s Muslim, which prompts Reza to make a comment about them being extremists. Huh? Why would you go there? Sasha calls him out for being ignorant. Says he should be more educated about his country. Oh boy. This isn’t going to go well. And it doesn’t.
Reza doesn’t understand why Adam would assume they’d be friends just because he’s gay & Persian. Well, he might have assumed you might have a few things in common. But apparently that’s not so, because Sasha was born into a shithole while Reza was born into the Imperial Kingdom. Like this kid had any control over the political regime in power when he was born. Come on, Reza. Slow your roll. And because your family is in America dealing with your homosexuality and his is still in Iran not dealing, that’s his fault too? And now he’s too gay? What’s too gay? What are you smoking, dude? But kudos to Sasha for not folding.
But Reza isn’t done and tells Sasha that he’s FOB – Fresh Off the Boat – which our new friend doesn’t appreciate so much, so he tells Reza that he’s fat. Yeah, this is rolling downhill faster than a runaway train. And with that, Sasha is told to leave the apartment. Adam apologizes on Reza’s behalf and says that you have to watch what you say around him. How fun! I would want to make friends with that person for sure. Sasha thinks Reza might want to watch his mouth too. Needless to say, Reza disagrees and kicks Sasha out again. This time he actually leaves. Well, that went well.
Hot Girl Discount
Lilly, her wig and her pregnant partner go to look at some fabric for their swimsuit line. We are told that the fabrics inspire the swimwear designs as she stumbles her way through the maze of fabric bolts. She finds some that she likes and tells the gentleman selling it that she would like the hot girl discount on the price. See, the hot girl discount works when you don’t actually call yourself a hot girl because that it really not hot. Besides, he was already giving you a discount. I hope he tells her to eff off, but I know he won’t. He gives her a bigger discount than he originally offered, but not exactly what she wanted. Well, so there’s that. And that concludes the obligatory “fit Lilly into the show” storyline for this week.
Mike found a gay Middle Eastern club and brings Reza, Adam, Jessica & MJ to check it out. Mike thinks it’s cool that a safe place like this exists where there is no taboo around being gay. Reza, our resident angry guy, doesn’t like it because it’s not high end and they aren’t bringing him drinks fast enough. Again, he’s pissed because someone thought he might like a gay Middle Eastern club just because he’s gay and Middle Eastern. Um, yeah. Look, Mike was trying to do something nice for you. It’s not like he is ignorant to what being Middle Eastern is like. And in case you missed it, you’re in a freaking show about being Persian. You make a living off of it, so don’t be a dick if someone thinks you might be interested in associating with something Persian. Fuck. Seriously STFU and get the stick out of your ass. It’s old.
And since he’s already on a tear, Reza wants to know why there’s no ring on Jessica’s finger and why Mike bought her the small Chanel bag instead of the big one. Yeah, I’m 30 seconds from punching my TV. Of course MJ just stands there and repeats everything Reza says. Get your own personality, MJ.
Mike, undeterred by Reza’s bad attitude, thinks it’s beautiful to see all these Persians happy and free. And I would have to agree with him. The owner, also a happy person, comes over to the lion’s den and welcomes the group. Reza isn’t moved and thinks the metal bars he has in his ear are stupid. Holy miserable son of a bitch! The other owner joins them and offers the group a space on their Gay Pride float. Mike will do it. Reza thinks it’s because he’s making up for being a homophobe in the past. Sigh. Mike cops to having been a homophobe at one time, but also says his best friend being gay changed his views. Reza actually agrees to join the parade and for a moment is happy…
… until he spots Sasha in the crowd.
I guess we have to wait for the Reza blow-out until after we do some art with Asa. She’s having photos projected onto her body to represent Iran, Germany and the US – the 3 phases of her life. I seriously missed the memo on performance art so I’ll just let you decide what you think… Let’s get back to the club.
Tick Tick Boom
Yep, it’s a good time with shishas, cocktails and Persians until Reza spots Sasha at the club. MJ, whose opinions in life are dictated by Reza, lays into Adam about picking up strays at the pool. Man, I feel bad for Adam. MJ is just shocked that someone so FOB is so ill-mannered, which she decides to tell Sasha to his face. He crossed the boundaries of respect. Sasha says that maybe MJ should hear both sides of the story first. Well, but that would make too much sense. Reza joins the convo as MJ deigns to hear Sasha’s side. He barely gets 3 words out before MJ and Reza are down his throat. Mike intervenes and tells Sasha to just apologize to Reza for calling him fat so everyone can move on. Is Reza going to apologize for the nasty things he said? No, we know that won’t happen. And Sasha isn’t bending either, especially because MJ is still yapping in his face and Reza is still being a dick.
Sasha thinks this is unfair because Reza was aggressive from the moment he walked in the door. True. And just when you think it’s as ugly as it’s going to get, Reza says something about Sasha’s brother being gay and Sasha loses it. He doesn’t think it’s Reza’s business to out anyone. Well, that’s true, but you are standing in a gay bar with a TV camera pointed in your face. It’s pretty easy math from there. But then Reza calls Sasha’s brother a “faggot”. Whoa. So beyond not cool. Sasha flips out and Reza, the brat, rolls out. Probably a good idea seeing as how he’s about to get his ass beat by the entire bar. Maybe he’ll roll into South Central next and start dropping n-bombs. Idiot. Mike tells him he’s out of line, which just further pisses off Reza. Don’t you know he’s never wrong, Mike? MJ leaves with Reza because she has zero mind of her own. Sasha’s brother tells Mike that he came to America so he wouldn’t have to hear words like that. That sucks. I feel bad for them. Shame on you, Reza.
Rachel: Yep, the love is gone. Sad but true. Reza, I hardly knew ye.