One-Sentence Summary: One lady returns to her roots while another explores new territory.
Rachel: Holy behind, I am! Well, and after a week of eating in New Orleans, I’m sporting a holy behind. Sorry everyone. I was too busy touring the Big Easy the last week to watch any TV, which is a rare occurrence as we know. But I will say, if you haven’t been to New Orleans, you must go immediately. Run, don’t walk. That city is amazing. I would suggest not eating for a solid week before you go because you need to make room for the endless parade of deliciousness that is cajun cooking. I’m pretty sure my hips expanded an inch just stepping foot onto Bourbon St. But I’ve put down the muffuletta sandwich and frozen hurricane long enough to watch the last two weeks of my girls. Here’s the breakdown…
Well, I missed a week but I’m happy to say that it looks like Athena and James’s reconciliation was short-lived. At least I hope so. But let’s get to business here and talk about a gentleman named Pickle hanging out at Bobbie’s house. And I mean hanging all out. Not that I’m mad at that. Finally, some man candy! Go girl!
Athena takes Bobbie away from the half-naked man to go to breakfast and get some Pickle intel; literally and figuratively. Turns out Bobbie had herself a little friends-with-benefits moment. Again, I say, “Go girl!” That’s a good FWB buddy to have. I mean he helps you pack boxes and will pack your box. What more do you need? But enough Pickle… (Can there ever be enough pickle, really?) Bobbie wants to take all the girls to dinner to celebrate her book and to smooth over any lingering issues. That includes Athena and Blue… or as Athena calls her: Blucifer. HA!
And speak of the devil, Blue is hiring some staff to help her at the stripper studio. Two ladies and a dude show up. None are qualified; one woman wants to smoke and the dude knows about pole dancing from watching a lot of it. Creeper. Yeah, I’m calling BS on these candidates. Fully staged. But thanks, producers, for trying to give Blue a storyline. Just as we’re all about to throw our hands in the air in frustration of there being no qualified pole dancers in the whole of Los Angeles, Aubrey, a qualified candidate, walks in. What are the chances?
Bobbie goes home and has a meet-up with her friend Kathy, who was married to the drummer of Warrant, so she can come up with some new stories for her book. AKA – Operation Get Sharise Out Of The Book. Um, so Blue’s ex said he got lipstick on his underwear and jeans because he tripped over someone’s head. That is probably one of the worst lies ever told… and shockingly Blue didn’t fall for it. As lovely as this is, can Pickle come back?
Back at the pole dancing, Blue is already over Aubrey. She accepted cash and Blue doesn’t accept cash. Snooze. Wait, Blue is teaching us how to mop! Now, I’m excited. Oh sorry, no I’m not.
Blue puts down the mop long enough to meet with Sharise about her clothing line. Her samples are in and she actually likes them. That is shocking. Sharise also suggests a t-shirt line, which her partner says they will run at the same time as Bobbie’s. Bobbie’s? Blue didn’t know about that. She also didn’t know Bobbie is writing a book. See what you miss when you don’t put down the mop?
Bobbie meets with Caroline, her ghost writer, to negotiate Sharise out of the book. None such. Caroline says, in a rather snotty tone if you ask me, that it’s a done deal. It’s the book with the stripper line or no book at all. Really? I mean we’re all seeing on TV that it’s not true. So why the insistence? Oh right, drama.
And speaking of which, let’s go to dinner… After the ladies toast to Bobbie’s new book, Sharise reiterates that she is not OK with being called a stripper. But the real juice here is that Sharise dated Tupac Shakur. GTFO! Seems Tupac romanced Sharise with shrimp cocktail and mix tapes. This is probably the most interesting hook-up yet. My respect level for Sharise just jumped up a notch. Now, the Cali Love title makes sense. But let’s move on from hook-ups and onto Bobbie offering to take everyone to Miami. Yes, the other trick up her sleeve to soften Sharise is a trip. Lady, hold on to a few pennies of that advance. You may need them when the book comes out, the Miami tan has faded and Sharise sues you. But the girls are all-in and I’m a little pissed I didn’t get an invitation to hang.
Post-dinner, pre-Miami, Blue & Sharise meet for lunch. Sharise is excited to go to Miami on Bobbie’s dime, but that doesn’t mean she’s cool about the book. Maybe it’s just me, but if I was mad at someone, I wouldn’t take their money for a trip… unless it was to Paris. Or Greece. Or Napa… or anywhere. OK, continue… Stop! Never mind. Don’t continue. Blue just said that she wants to be a country singer. I blame Kim Zolciak for this.
Cougar Eats Cherry Pie
So we’re back to lunch and country music. Blue doesn’t know if she can actually sing. Oh sweet Jesus, this is going to be painful. Sharise thinks this is just for Blue to get some more attention… not that there’s anything wrong with that. But we’ll all find out if there’s any fire behind all this smoke when she meets with a vocal coach next week. By the way, methinks that if you don’t even know if you can sing, the odds are you cannot.
Bobbie, sans extensions, meets with country singer, Scott Carey to talk about a video. Now, I don’t like country, but I would listen this dude sing all night long. Second man candy of the evening. He says he’s a huge fan of the Cherry Pie video and thrilled to know she’s not strung out on crystal meth with ten kids. Charming. He was cuter before he spoke. But aren’t most men? And here’s the cherry (pun intended) on the conversation sundae… his song is called Cougar. Facepalm. But Bobbie’s a team player, so she’s in… as long as there’s a love scene. But Scott has a girlfriend so it will have to end there. That’s probably for the best.
Sharise needs to figure out how to tell Brandon about going to Miami without hitting the jealousy bone. She tries. Needless to say, it doesn’t work. He’s not so much pleased, but acquiesces. Well, acquiesces and threatens to have his own parties. Mature. But hey, at least he gives a shit, right? Right? Meh.
Oh boy, here we go. Blue meets with Ron Anderson who is one of the most renowned vocal coaches on the planet. He’s worked with Janet Jackson. And now, Blue. Talk about the spectrum. Blue sings – for lack of a better word – a few runs for him and I’m starting to doubt this guy is as great as everyone says, because he just told her that she has potential. But she has to see him twice a week for two years at $600 a pop. Ahhhh, now I’m wise to your game, sir. Nicely played.
Meanwhile, Bobbie gets some new hair and therapy at the salon. I kinda like her short hair. But the new bag o’ hair looks good too. Then, she goes to tell Athena, who’s at band practice, about the video gig. Well, her hair is crazy in this scene so it’s not right after the appointment, but my job isn’t show continuity. Athena thinks maybe Bobbie should be careful about spending the money. See! She also thinks that Bobbie should come with her on the cruise, but Bobbie says she can’t go because she blew off Sharise about going on the cruise when she asked her. Athena thinks that’s silly. Bobbie doesn’t want to get in trouble. Well, more trouble. Here’s an idea… instead of spending the money on Miami, buy them cruise tickets and everyone goes. You’re welcome.
Bottom Line: Wait, I have to wait another week before I get to see the Cougar video? Let me see if this shit is online… And it is. Click here to check it out. Let me know thoughts. I certainly have a few.