One Sentence Summary: Friendships are renewed, sins are atoned & Vicki makes a shocking statement.
Rachel: I’m admittedly having a hard time deciding if I’m happy that I have to watch this show tonight. Well, happy is a relative term when it comes to Housewives of any origin. On the one hand, I’m not wanting to turn off the coverage of the tragedy in Boston to watch something as inane as a bunch of grown women behaving badly. On the other hand, it might be a nice diversion from the darker side of our world. I guess it’s a little bit of both. Either way, my heart and thoughts are with the people of Boston, the victims and their friends/families around the world. I have a feeling the snark might be high tonight as my patience for nonsense is very low.
Salad & Onesies
Rachel: Alexis stops by Vicki’s to bring lunch… and meet the baby. Once upon a time the first person would have been Tamra. Now it’s Alexis; from an evil stepsister to a stupid one. Is that moving up or down? But at least we get to hang with the cutie baby again. A bright spot.
Over salads, Vicki & Briana tell Alexis about their living together. Yeah yeah great, Alexis wants to know about Brooks. Vicki says they haven’t seen each other in 6 weeks. Briana told Vicki that as long as she is paying rent (she’s paying rent?) and her son is in the house, she doesn’t want Brooks in the house. You know, I think Brooks is a phony and gross, but at the same time, who is Briana to tell her mother who she & can’t date? It’s not like he’s abused her, stolen from her (yet) or done anything more than be annoying. I mean for a girl who ran off and married a guy her mom barely knew, it seems awfully judgmental. Vicki tells Alexis that it’s impossible for Brooks to come around when everyone makes it so hard on him. Other than Jim & Alexis and Terry & Heather, it’s been terrible. Briana smirks through the conversation. She wants her mom to be with a good guy. Vicki says Brooks IS a good guy. Alexis doesn’t want Vicki to make a decision based on other people’s opinions. Hint hint, Briana. But Vicki is putting her daughter first because that’s what she has to do right now. Round to Briana.
The Cover or Bust
Heather stops by her hubby’s office to berate him some more about carbs. OK, maybe not. Maybe it was to tell him that a national magazine wants to feature their home. He doesn’t want to do it if it’s not a cover. Seriously? She wants to do it and it’s a friend asking. But when he sees all the high-end advertisers in the mag, he’s more interested in doing it. But still… a cover is key. SMH.
Gretchen & Tamra go shopping for baby gifts for Troy. Seriously these two must call each other before they leave the house because they’re morphing into the Barbi twins. Tamra wants Gretchen to try one of those baby carrier things you put on your front… Yeah, clearly I don’t have kids… so she can get a taste of what it’s going to be like when she has kids. Tamra thinks Gretchen’s world revolves around Gretchen so maybe a baby isn’t the right choice. I’m in agreement, but I’m not sure it’s her selfishness that’s my primary concern. The girl can’t figure out how to operate a coffee maker. You’re going to give her a baby?
Briana pops by Vicki’s office to help stuff envelopes. She’s annoyed because the house is a mess and Ryan & Vicki are at work all day. This chick is making me mental. Grow up, Briana. Please. You’re a mom now. Ryan was supposed to deploy a few weeks after Troy was born, but he hasn’t so they have to figure out what’s next. She thinks that as long as they’re in the house Vicki can’t bring anyone over. Vicki says that it’s not fair, but she’s respecting her wishes, even though her opinion on Brooks is unjustified. Briana says it’s not. He has poor character. If Vicki is going to be with him, Briana’s not going to be around because she doesn’t want to get to know him. Um, you’ve already made this clear. Why do you need to further berate your mother about it? She gets it. She gave up her relationship for you. If she talks to him on the phone, that’s her business. You haven’t given her any other choice. He’s not in your world. That’s what you wanted. Oh so now it can’t be any guy, because she is the daughter of two divorces and doesn’t want a man around her kid. STFU. I don’t believe for a second that’s the reason. If she had behaved like a grown-up to this point, I’d say it would be fair to not want a stranger around her kid. But this is just petty teenage crap. See a shrink and get over it. Fuck.
Fake Diamonds & Cover Shots
Lydia – AKA the new Housewife – from Beverly Hills Lifestyle Magazine has arrived at Heather’s to check out the house. Well, and for us to meet her and accept her into our fold. Yeah, I’m not there yet. What is she, 22? She has that Kardashian whiny voice that drives me up a wall. I don’t know why their lazy lilt has pervaded the entire 20-something population.
Anyway, they sit down to discuss the photo shoot and Lydia explains that “Beverly Hills Lifestyle” is about wanting that lifestyle and not just about Bev Hills hence featuring a NY loft and an OC house. Eye roll. Heather says that having an inside spread of their home doesn’t really do anything for their brand. Yes, she & Terry are a brand. She needs to be on the cover. Lydia has to ask her husband. She also tells Heather that she lives in Dana Point and her old neighbor is Heather’s “friend” Alexis. Ha, the look on Heather’s face is priceless. They’re friendly, but Alexis moved out of the neighborhood so they don’t see each other as much. Then Lydia says she is wearing a borrowed ring and this send Heather reeling because it might be fake like the one Alexis wears. I still don’t get why this is a point of contention. But Lydia assures her that hers is real, that she just borrowed it from a jeweler while her ring is fixed, and that she doesn’t pretend to be anything she’s not. And with that, she is granted access to the rest of the house. Yes, real diamonds are your passport into the Dubrow manse.
Ride Baby Ride
Tamra heads off to her fitness studio, Cut Fitness, to call Eddie and tell him she’s there to meet Vicki. Eddie doesn’t understand why. He didn’t think they resolved anything at Heather’s. No, you’re just mad that she didn’t listen to your advice. Tamra thinks it’s a good start to repairing their friendship.
Meanwhile, the studio is literally the next parking lot over from Vicki’s office… and she drives. Does it get more lazy than that? Um, no. Vicki is impressed with the space but wants to know who is covering their insurance. Always a saleswoman. I can’t blame her for that. Seems Tamra & Eddie haven’t really tackled that issue yet. But they do have a partnership agreement – Tamra owns 51% in case you hadn’t heard that yet – and an LLC. Vicki thinks being a partner with Eddie is a big mistake for someone who wanted to be independent. Well, at least she doesn’t actually say that TO Tamra… yet. All goes well and they make plans to have dinner.
We officially meet Lydia & her kids, Stirling and Maverick. On the weekends you can catch them starring in the toddler version of Top Gun. But she thinks it’s important to keep her kids grounded which is why she takes Stirling to karate. However, she, herself, gets distracted by all the women and their diamond rings and Gucci bags. Thankfully, her parents instilled in her that they weren’t better than anyone else and she wants to instill that in her kids. God, I hope that’s true. And speaking of God, she and her husband met at a Christian organization. Faith, and apparently doing pull-ups, are important to them. No wonder she gets along with Alexis. They live within their means… her means are very well-off and she expects to be treated like a princess.
Off they go on their boat for sunset champagne before waterside dinner. If she “woohoos!” & fake giggles one more time, I’m going to push her into the water. She tells her husband that Heather wants to be on the cover of the magazine. He says covers are reserved for famous people… Apparently, Heather & Terry don’t fall into that category. Is it bad that that makes me chuckle? Her husband says he’ll deliver the bad news so she doesn’t have to be the bad guy. Well, I do like that about him.
An OC Miracle
Vicki & Tamra head to dinner and it’s super awkward. Um, speaking of wine – they just ordered – what ever happened to their wine business? Tamra says they have things to discuss and that Vicki’s friendship was very important to her. She doesn’t know how they got to where they are. Vicki was really hurt because she didn’t think Tamra was there for her when she was hurting. Tamra says Vicki should have just come to her & told her. But Vicki can never take responsibility for anything. So, it’s clearly just Tamra’s fault. And Gretchen’s fault. And Slade’s fault. And she thinks boyfriends and husbands should be off-limits. Wait, since when? Oh since you’re the one being attacked instead of doing the attacking. Tamra thinks it’s easier to blame her than Briana. I’d say that’s partially true. Vicki just wants to be in love. But she can’t be with someone that’s disparaged all the time. Tamra wants to help her and thinks she’ll figure out Brooks’ true colors eventually. So in the meantime, they make a truce and both… are you sitting down?… apologize. Granted, Vicki’s came with a caveat, but she still shockingly said those two little words: I’m sorry.
Heather, Terry & the kids head to temple for Yom Kippur. Today is the day for atonement and being told what time to work-out if you’re Terry. Heather wants her husband to go to the gym in the morning so he can spend more time with the family in the evening. But he has surgery at 7am and that would mean working out at 5am. Tough breaks, Terry. I mean you don’t have to do any of the “mommy jobs”, as you call them, in the house like changing diapers, so maybe you should try & show up for your family in the evenings.
Services start, but apparently little Collette isn’t interested. This is the only one of their kids that’s “willful”… or just being a kid? Heather would like Terry to take her out of the services, but apparently that’s also a “mommy job” so Heather will have to do the duties. Now, I’m starting to get mad about the onion rings.
Now It’s A Party
Tamra is back at Cut Fitness to meet with a caterer for her opening party. Well, it’s actually a dinner party for the women before the space opens. It will give them a chance to see the space raw and then when it’s ready. She’s super excited for the party until she gets a call from Vicki who says she wants to invite Alexis. Seriously, Vicki? How is that smart when you’re just getting your friendship back on track? Tamra actually says yes even though she wanted to say no. Dummy.
Rachel: Well, that wasn’t too terrible. No crazy screaming. Clearly, that’s been reserved for next week. And Lydia seems ok… though I think she might get on my nerves with the uber bubblehead routine.