One Sentence Summary: Another White Party is stained with drama & accusations.
Rachel: OK, I am SUPER behind on this show. And it’s almost not even worth reviewing being this far behind. But hey, I have to watch it anyhow so I might as well gift the world my deep thoughts and mind-blowing insights. AKA – Spew more venom. I have to be honest, I have had the hardest time bringing myself to watch this episode because I couldn’t be more sick of a topic than I am of the Brandi v Adrienne fight. Seriously, it’s tedious beyond words at this point. It really just goes to prove how very little real issues these women deal with on a daily basis. Seriously, Brandi’s entire life revolves around talking to the press about her ex & his new wife. Any day of any week you can find something new about her plight. Get a life, Brandi. It’s tired. We’re tired. Aren’t you tired? And Adrienne. Come on. She said you had a surrogate for your twins. BFD. No one cares. No, for real, no one cares. Move on and enjoy your time with Rod Stewart’s son… Not even touching that one. Anyway, let’s get this over with.
Something Smells Funny
Kim is having a party to show off her new nose. Yes, only in Hollywood do we have a party for a nose job. It’s also a coffee party. That’s right. No booze, ladies. You might have to take responsibility for your own actions. Oh Jesus, Faye again? Why? Why? Why? I love that Kyle just made Marisa spit out her gum because it’s impolite. Gum chewing you’re worried about. Starting fights in public places… not so much. Um, ok.
Taylor calls Kim to let her know that she can’t make it because she was invited to go on a plane with a man she’s in love with. They’ve known each other a long time but got close in the last 48 hours and now she’s in love. She’s also hammered. Allegedly. No, she’s hammered. I’m not hedging my bets on that one. That’s a lot of slurring happening there. At least, Kim is around to translate. Oh, dont tsk tsk me. You were thinking it too. Kyle asks if she should then just keep Kennedy with her overnight. Taylor is surprised to hear that Kyle has her daughter. She had no clue. Um, where did you think your daughter was as you head to the airport? At home fixing herself a martini and some dinner? Holy out of control! Kyle does what Kyle does and tells everyone what just happened. Marisa thinks Kyle takes care of Kennedy too much. Yeah, the problem here isn’t that Kennedy is with Kyle. It’s that Taylor forgot she had a kid in the first place. A kid that needs to be taken care of while she flies off to parts unknown with a man unknown.
But enough about Taylor. It’s time to reveal the new nose! Well, and celebrate Kim’s sobriety. But mostly her new nose. And there it is… Um, it’s bascially the same nose. But everyone says it’s gorgeous so it’s gorgeous. Of course, Adrienne says about 15 times that her husband could have done just as good of a job. She even says it to the doctor. Shut up, Adrienne. We know your husband is a surgeon too. But maybe you should call Radar online and let them know that.
House On Fire
Adrienne & Paul are hanging in the backyard when they smell smoke. They go outside and see Lisa’s old house on fire. The firefighters can’t get in the gate so they’re trying to get it from the top. Adrienne goes into total panic mode, throws her kids in the car and leaves. Paul, on the other hand, thinks it’s stupid to leave and doesn’t go with them. Adrienne says it was a really bad choice. Have we just seen the public beginning of the marriage unraveling?
It’s Kyle’s Annual White Party. Last year, Taylor & Russell were uninvited because of the threat of a lawsuit against Camille. This year, Brandi’s been threatened but Adrienne & Paul are still invited. Hypocrisy much? Well, that just means this year the fight will be indoors instead of on the front sidewalk. Of course that is if Kyle can get the decorations right. She’s having a fit over everything including the fact that they can’t move the pool table out of the room it’s in. It’s a pool table, Kyle. Not a folding lawn chair. You don’t just move it into another room for a few hours. Genius.
Apparently Adrienne has forgiven Paul for playing too close to the fire as they head to the White Party together. She’s going to be polite to Brandi tonight because she doesn’t care anymore. Uh-huh. She would like Paul to be polite too. He’s not as sold. They have a conversation about the fact that there is no letter from their lawyers. Well played for the cameras. Not buying it.
At the party, there’s a lot of conversation about Adrienne’s self-tanner ruining Lisa’s furniture. Don’t you have enough money, Adrienne, to get a nice non-transferable spray tan? Wait, don’t you have a spray tan machine in your house? Why are you using shit self-tanner? Adrienne says baby wipes takes it off. Missing the point, darling. Gross. Just gross.
Taylor shows up and tells Kim about her escapades with the mystery man. He had to see her so she had to go. It may not go anywhere, but the attention felt good. She makes no mention of the Kennedy debacle which freaks Kim out. Yeah, well, maybe someone should be checking to see if she remembers having a kid tonight.
Brandi is feeling anxious having to see Paul for the first time since their confrontation. She feels like it would be better if she & Adrienne made a fragile peace. So she would like to have a conversation with Adrienne one-on-one. She sends her friend to make the invitation, which is hilarious. Should she pass her a note too? Paul won’t let Adrienne go alone. Well, that isn’t helpful. Then again, Brandi has Jennifer there so I guess it’s fair game. Brandi doesn’t want to ruin the party or have issues. Adrienne admits they sent a letter, but that’s not a lawsuit. So there is your reason as to why Adrienne is innocent of all charges. Neither wanted to have to hire a lawyer, but Brandi says she had to hire one because Adrienne hired hers first. And the screaming begins. Brandi pulls a wad of papers from her purse to prove that their chef Bernie is selling stories about her. Paul seems somewhat stumped by the fact that Brandi brought proof with her.
Outside, Lisa explains to Kyle why she should have thrown out Adrienne & Paul like she threw out Taylor & Russell last year. Quid pro quo. Kyle says she’s just not able to go through again what she went through last year. Right, your emotional hardship is the reason. Bitch, please. Taylor agrees and says that Adrienne, who was one of the more vocal people saying she & Russell should leave, is a hypocrite. This was the point she was making at the tea party. Kyle finally understands there’s a double standard. Duh. But it’s not her problem. So she’s not getting involved. Um, so you only get involved when you don’t have to be the bad guy. By the way, it’s about to be your problem.
Meanwhile, back at the fight they’re still having a semantics battle over whether a letter of intent is the same as a lawsuit. Sweet fancy Moses on buttered toast! Who cares!?!? Yeah, you sent a letter. Yeah, you threatened a lawsuit. No, you didn’t technically sue her. But you threatened. Admit it, own it, move on. You can keep calling it a “warning” but it’s a threat. And it’s a threat that needed to be addressed. Paul says that Brandi should just watch what she says.
Now the riff raff are making their way into the room. Ken says that friends don’t sue friends. Is that on a t-shirt somewhere? He could have taken umbrage with Paul & Adrienne for the things they said, but they didn’t sue them. Paul pipes off on him and Ken calls his bullshit. Literally. Ha. Go, Ken. Paul brings up the Maloof Hoof. I still can’t believe that even was a blip on the radar. Really? That one needs to be let go. It’s beyond stupid. Taylor would like them to acknowledge that it’s the same thing she & Russell did last year. Adrienne says it’s not the same. Dwight, Taylor’s friend, spells it out in black & white for Paul who dismisses him like a bitch. Paul being the bitch. He’s such a bitch I can’t even take it with his dismissals and head shaking and smirking. I wish this was Miami so someone would throw him in the pool. Then again, he is wearing all white… so maybe not. No one needs to see that.
And the bottom line is that Adrienne & Brandi both think they were making progress before everyone walked in. Huh? That was progress? Well, who cares because it stops the fighting and everyone goes on their merry way. Brandi’s just glad she got to speak her peace. Well, alrighty then. Does that mean we don’t have to talk about it anymore? Please?
Rachel: They’re going to Paris? NO! Don’t give the Europeans any more reasons to hate American tourists!