Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Season 3, Episode 13 – Game of Scones

One Sentence Summary:  Lisa tries another tea party and strikes out again.

Remember me?

Remember me?

Our Thoughts:

Rachel:  Hi all.  Again, I apologize for the lateness, but I’m out of town on business and Melissa is in Aruba.  So, I’m a half-woman show this week.  And yes, I fully got the short end of the stick on this one.  She’s drinking mojitos on a sandy beach and I’m… not.  Although I am in LA, which is never bad.  I just wish I had some spare time to go and stalk Beverly Hills for some Housewife sightings.  But I don’t even have time for a glass of wine at Sur.  Thankfully for you, however, I don’t have any Valentine’s Day plans so I get to spend the evening drinking wine, eating chocolate I bought for myself and catching up on reality TV.  Who said blogging isn’t glamorous?  Sure wasn’t me.  For a moment I forgot that tonight is the night that Brandi & Adrienne come face to face.  Lord give me strength.  I’m so over these two and the insanity around the non bombshell… though I did hear a rumor from a pretty reliable source at the baby shower I attended Sunday that we’re not getting the real story.  Hmm….  Wonder what it could be… Wonder if I still care…

Grudge Match

I take whatever side works best for me in the moment.  What did you expect me to do?

I take whatever side works best for me in the moment. What did you expect me to do?

We start with Kyle having issues finding room for all her clothes.  Am I supposed to feel badly that she has run out of room in her closet that is the size of most people’s bedrooms?  The most I’m giving is a bored eye roll to this situation.

Anyway, Kyle is getting ready to go to Lisa’s to discuss the state of their friendship.  It’s time to sit down and get it all out on the table.  Kyle doesn’t like having issues with her friends and it makes her physically ill to know there’s tension over a petty argument.  I don’t know.  I wouldn’t call Lisa feeling that you didn’t stick up for when her character was attacked petty.

Kyle arrives and there is a few minutes of awkward small talk before Lisa launches into Kyle not backing her up when Camille accused her of not owning Sur.  An accusation that I’m still confused about.  It really made no sense.  But anyway, Kyle didn’t think that needed defending since Lisa addressed it on her own.  Her not jumping in wasn’t to not defend Lisa.  It was to not create another fight in the room.  Fighting makes Kyle anxious.  Well, it makes Lisa anxious too.  And yet, you both spend a majority of your lives around fighting.  So, there’s that.  Honestly, this is all so stupid.

Lisa thinks it’s time for Adrienne to come back to the group and speak for herself instead of everyone arguing in her defense.  So she’s hosting a tea for all the ladies.  Yes, because the last one went so well.  Let’s do it again!  Get your ear plugs ready.  It’s gonna get loud in here.

Oh wait, here we go with the reunion character assassination video.  We’re going here again?  Yes, because Lisa still needs Kyle to understand why their relationship has changed.  Kyle gets it and just wants to move past it.  Seriously, Lisa.  Let it go.  Kyle didn’t attack you.  Adrienne did. And you’ve moved past it with Adrienne… so you keep saying.  You really need to move past it with Kyle too.  I’m actually getting embarrassed for you.  It’s petty being this upset because your friend didn’t get mad enough for you.  If you don’t want to be friends with Kyle, don’t be friends.  If you do, then you just have to accept Kyle for who she is.  She’s a pot stirrer.  She’s not a defender.  She sits back and watches shit fly around her.  That’s who she is.  And she’s right, you gotta stop holding grudges.  It’s such a waste of energy.

You’re Irrelevant 

If only I had enough money to enjoy the finer things in life... like owning multiple horses the way I own multiple refrigerators.

If only I had enough money to enjoy the finer things in life… like owning multiple horses the way I own multiple refrigerators.

Yolanda has invited Brandi into her perfect world to watch her daughter horseback ride.  OK, seriously there’s not an ounce of fat between the two of them.   Annoying.  Yolanda is liking Brandi more and more because she likes an honest girl.  Wait, did Yolanda just say she is sorry that she can only afford one horse for her kid?  I don’t know where to start with all the things wrong with that sentence.  Seriously, I’m incredulous at how insane that is on so many levels.  Levels that I have a feeling I don’t need to spell out for you… So, let’s just keep going before my head explodes.

Brandi thanks Yolanda for trying to diffuse the situation in Vegas.  Oh wait, that’s right.  How my swiss cheese wine-addled brain forgets… Kyle did pipe up in Vegas and tell Yolanda that she won’t stay out of it because she defends her friends.  I guess she forgot that part when she was trying to tell Lisa that she’s Switzerland.  Brandi was hoping that Yolanda would be attending Lisa’s tea, but she has to be out of town.  This makes Brandi nervous since Adrienne will be attending as well.  Yolanda thinks Adrienne is a very insecure woman who uses her status to intimidate people.  Yeah, pretty much.  She also thinks that in the big picture Adrienne Maloof is nobody.  ha… I would agree here as well, but I don’t need a letter from her lawyers over here at Winey Bitch West.  I just hope that Brandi listens when Yolanda says to blow it all off.  Well, I say I hope but I know that it’s a waste of time.  I’ve seen the previews.

Insani-tea

niih

How could I have predicted this afternoon would go badly?!?!

Time for tea at Lisa’s.  That house is insane.  Just ridiculous.  Before the ladies arrive, we have to do a little cross-promotion for Vanderpump Rules with Lisa telling Jax & Peter to enjoy their afternoon bartending with cougars.  And we have to have a conversation with Brandi about keeping her mouth shut.  What a waste of time.  And doesn’t it get exhausting having a friend that you have to admonish before every event to keep her pie hole closed unless she’s putting food or booze into it? I know I’m exhausted.  I’m also hiccuping… maybe I ought to slow down on the merlot.

Taylor shows up with a vibrator for Lisa.  I forgot she was even on this show.  Adrienne heads out to Lisa’s and is worried about seeing Brandi.  She doesn’t think she’s going to get the warm and fuzzies from her.  Really?  What gives you that idea?  I love hanging out with people that sue me.  On her way, she picks up Kyle and The Morally Corrupt Faye Resnick.  Fuck me.  Who invited her?  I really hate her.  And I’m not someone that uses that word lightly.  But she’s a big bowl of suck soup.  And I love how Adrienne is all about leaving things behind and moving forward when I’m pretty sure her face has been all over the press drudging up the past.  Taylor thinks Adrienne has been selling stories to the press.

Oh, it seems Kyle showed up with Faye unannounced and uninvited.  Who does that?  Seriously, weren’t you just talking about how mannered you were in the car as you were on your way to a party you weren’t invited to?  And as if there weren’t enough tension in the room, Camille shows up.  But at least she came bearing gifts.  Nothing says, “Let’s let bygones be bygones” better than presents.  I know it works for me.

Kim calls to tell Lisa that she won’t be making it to the party because her new puppy hit her in the face.  Seeing as how she’s recovering from a nose job, this is a bad fact.  However, she also said during the conversation that she “shouldn’t have been out.”  Wait, did the dog hit you or were you out somewhere?  And so begins again the strange excuses from Kim as to why she’s not showing up to parties.  But what’s even stranger is that Lisa chose to take this call from the bathroom.

OK, not even kidding.  Nodded off during the commercial break.  Yep, that’s how I feel about this episode.  Yay, we’re sitting down to our formal tea now.  Our formal tea where everyone is drinking rosé and no one is drinking tea.  My kind of tea party.  And yet, I’m still bored out of my skull tonight.  I’m getting a headache with all this pink and all these women eating their food without using their lips.  Is keeping your lipstick on really that important?  And did I just see Taylor’s ass and her flipping the bird in the last 30 seconds?  Just shoot me now.

You're costing me money with every drunken statement you're making!

You’re costing me money with every drunken statement you’re making!

And as we continue to talk about Taylor and her gymnastics, she says that she’ll do a handspring, but if she breaks her neck, she’s suing Lisa… since everyone there likes to sue each other.  Jesus Taylor, really?  Kyle tries to change the subject to her white party… How much fun will that be?  Taylor?  Well, the white party for her is a bad memory since she & Russell were kicked out because of lawsuits.  Sigh… Someone take the wine out of Taylor’s hand.  I’m starting to think she might need to spend some time at Kim’s special place… allegedly.  Lisa pulls Taylor & Brandi aside and tells them to cut the crap with the innuendos.  Brandi’s not sure why she’s in the conversation.  Neither is Taylor but she’s also not sure where she is.

Back at the table, Adrienne says she knows where this conversation is going but she’s not suing anyone… and by anyone, she means Brandi.  Camille gets her back and says this is true.  How do you know, Camille?  And I thought you didn’t want to be on the show this year?  So let’s keep it quiet over there.  Taylor returns after being told to STFU and immediately proceeds to accuse Adrienne of threatening to sue Brandi.  Adrienne denies.  Taylor scoffs.  Kyle pretends she has no idea what’s going on.  I pour more wine.  No, Taylor, you may not have some.

As Brandi & Lisa return to the table, Taylor asks Brandi if she got a letter from Adrienne threatening to sue her.  OMG!  Someone call the gimp and ball-gag this bitch!  Brandi says yes, her lawyer got a letter.  Adrienne says there’s no letter.  Brandi says fine.  Taylor continues to question Adrienne.  Adrienne denies. Camille defends some more.  And the wheels start to come off the apple cart.  Can you guess what happens next?  Me too… You said, no you said, no you said, no you said.  But you aren’t nice.  No you aren’t nice.  You’re obsessed with me.  No you’re obsessed with me.  Can we just see the letter so we can just stop this?  And I love that Taylor is just sitting back eating her dessert like this is just happening around her.  And with that, tea is over.  And so am I… Over this show.  Over this entire situation.  It’s so tedious at this point.  Seriously, an entire season about petty childish accusations?  Snore.

Bottom Line:

Rachel:  I hated tonight.

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5 responses to “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Season 3, Episode 13 – Game of Scones

  1. My God, on what planet is it acceptable to bring an uninvited guest- especially one as corrupt and evil as Faye- to Lisa’s party? Kyle lacks the most limited of cause/effect logical reasoning of a child OR she is just plain evil, insensitive and rude. I’m shocked at either how clueless or insanely cruel she is. Please Lisa, for the love of crumpets, Kyle is NOT your friend! She rather enjoys watching you, Kim, and Brandi squirm and writhe. She will never come to your defense.
    Too bad Yolanda couldn’t make the tea party. She could put Adrienne in her place. Adrienne, you are a sociopathic bitch. And trust me, I’m having to restrain myself with every lady-like fiber in my being to protect the readers’ eyes from having to read what I truly would prefer to call you. And it’s called video-tape Adrienne. That camera thing records images and words that can be played back (i.e… the reunion show). You can’t sue videotape. Good luck with your lies. Note to Kyle, I predict Adrienne will be doing some very fine squirming right about now.

  2. Rachel, I forgot to add a comment regarding closet size. Poor Kyle complaining about not having room for her clothes. My boyfriend is a Jewish carpenter (yep, I’m Christian and I love him dearly- both of them :) ), and he just finished construction on a wealthy client’s house. First, he had to remove part of the roof of their house. Secondly, he built a conveyer from their bedroom closet up into the roof round and round several times just like at the dry cleaners, and back down again. This client has do many clothes that they remodeled the house and added a friggin ski lift to hang them all! I see this and Kyle’s dilemma as a cry for help actually. And Rachel, if you remember, this is the same boyfriend who is also my TG girlfriend. Rich people problems pay our bills : )

    • Farrokh, I love reading your comments too much. Please don’t ever go away! I’m so with you on bringing Faye uninvited. How do you not know better? I would have turned her away at the door. Or pushed her into Lisa’s moat… I love that she has a moat. I also love that you are dating a TG Jewish carpenter. Amazing. So so amazing. And I’m dying to tell everyone what I heard about Adrienne but I just know I’m gonna get sued if I say (type) it out loud. That’s a rich people problem that would cause me to have bills. Boo!

      • Yep, I was also taken aback that Lisa didn’t dismiss the three hags as a group. Nice peace offering Kyle! I would have loved to see them plunked into the moat with the koi and turtles. Do you think Lisa and her husband brought along the turtles from the last house?
        It must be difficult to withhold what secret you know ’bout Adrienne. I totally get why! Leaves us liberated to speculate all sorts of dark, sinister, and gothic ideas about Adrienne, for example the mad crazy aunt locked in the attic to, I don’t know, maybe she enjoys vivisection,
        taxidermy, graffiti and scrapbooking.
        Regardless, she’s a hot mess and I can’t wait to see her try to reason away her lies from her own altered universe tonight.
        Yet, by the by, we mortals living in harsh realities (sometimes temporarliy altered with wine or vodka as I prefer) continue to be concerned about a real boy with a real issue: How is Noah doing? Has he come to believe he is irreplacably precious and immeasurably loved yet?

      • Thank you for asking about Noah. He had a great first day back at school, but sadly, the positivity was only temporary. He’s having a bit of a rough go, but he is aware of the support that he has all over the world. And his parents are doing everything they can to keep him safe. Please continue to send him positive thoughts!

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