The Bachelor Season 17, Week 4 – Tierrable Tierra

One Sentence Summary: Sean takes a wrong turn on the highway of love & sends the wrong girl home.

14 bitches down, 11 to go.

14 bitches down, 11 to go.

Our Thoughts:

Rachel:  I am already exhausted by Tierra and tonight’s episode hasn’t even begun.  It’s one thing to be evil like Vienna & Courtney.  It’s another to be evil and have a voice that is like nails on a chalkboard.  And I don’t mean that in a figurative way.  She literally sounds like nails on a chalkboard and I’m ready for her to go away.  I’m hoping that Sean, who missed the BS she was feeding him last week with her fake fall, wakes up tonight.  I mean Kacie B is gone so now he can focus on being freaked out by someone else’s presence.  I’d rather keep scary Amanda around another week than Tierra.  Granted, I’m not sharing a house with Amanda and having to sleep with one eye open.  I really think she might stand over other girls’ beds and watch them while they’re sleeping as she plots evil things.  You know you can picture it.  OK, must shake that image from my brain.  It’s freaking me out.  And nothing will help that happen more quickly than me topping off my glass of wine.

Melissa:  Yes, it’s roller derby week, and I’m super excited.  I only wish (read: pray) it’s against some legit derby ladies and not just each other.  That’s a good time if you ask me!!  OK, at any rate, let’s get us to some half-nekkid Sean and see what the ladies bring on their skates.

Your Weekly Soft Core

The goods from a view not yet seen.

The goods from a view not yet seen.

Rachel:  Whoa, did we just start without an ab shot?  I don’t know what to do with this.  I feel lost and confused.  I mean I have nothing against Chris Harrison, but I am not a fan of change.  If we’re going to be subjected to soft-core Sean every week, then dammit, I expect it every week.  We can get to the date card later.  Besides there are women out there in the viewing audience that look forward to this all week.  They have the candles lit, the wine poured, the husband sent to the store…  Oh, there it is!  This time a boxer brief shot.  Upping the ante!  Made you work for it tonight, ladies.  

Melissa:  WTF is this with Chris kicking off the show?  Where’s the obligatory nekkid Sean?  What shenanigans is this all about?  Oh, here we go… in his tighties even.  I swear he is going to be rocking a thong by the end of the season.  I mean for real, every episode he’s losing another layer… I’m picturing full on Agador Spartacus from The Birdcage cleaning the pool by the time he puts a ring on it.

Your Kiss Is On My To Do List

So when does the Sherpa arrive to carry me up the hill?

So when does the Sherpa arrive to carry me up the hill?

Rachel:  As for that date card that Chris dropped by, it was for Selma.  She’s excited and wants to take her relationship with Sean to the next level.  What is with that?  I have never once in my whole life used that phrase with regard to a relationship and now we hear it every week from every one of these women.  I swear they have cue cards.  

But while Selma basks in the glow of her impending date, the pouting begins from the other ladies.  Seems everyone was sure their name would be on that card.  Oh and we have tears already!  Wow, Leslie, take a deep breath.  There’s still two more hours left.  

And it’s private plane time for Selma.  That means the date will be good, according to Bachelor definitions.   And right away, it’s beyond anything she’s ever imagined.  Yeah, well don’t get used to it.  This ain’t happening after the final rose.  But when they land in the desert and there isn’t a spa in sight, Selma gets a little bit panicked.  She was expecting a glamorous date.  How glamorous can it be if you’re in work-out pants?  Wait, she’s so disappointed and she can’t take heat?  Bitch, you were just whisked off in a jet.  Please do shut up.  And Joshua Tree is amazing, for the record.  Here’s a fun fact, that desert is colder than a bitch at night.  She’ll be crying for heat when the sun goes down. 

Anyway, they’re going to go rock climbing.  Maybe these “tests of character” Sean makes everyone go through make more sense than I had first thought, because this girl is on my nerves with her whining about it.  I mean you don’t have to love outdoors, but there’s a bettter way to handle it than bitching and moaning.  But she’s going to go because she has a man to win over.  Half-way up the rock, the adrenaline kicks in and suddenly she’s loving it.  And I love that he’s given himself the perfect ass shot by climbing below her.  They make it to the summit and have some wine.  Anyone else notice that he keeps on the restraints that are cupping his junk.  Subliminal messaging, Sean?  Sean tells us that Selma loved everything about today’s date.  Uh, no.  Not so much.  Maybe check the playback.  

Melissa:  Yes, here we go with taking it to the next level… We’re what 3 minutes in?  Really with the tears, Leslie?  Come on, there are 2 other dates for the love of all things great and small!!  Private plane… On the wings of love!!!  Ok, sorry.  She’s evil, my partner.  Plants a seed and I can’t control myself… Such is our codependency.  HA, limo, jet and now a hot desert – poor Selma was thinking Pretty Woman and he went all Road Warrior on her.  I’m feeling you girl.  I really don’t get these dates where they have to climb heights to prove themselves.  You know what my character test would be… 4 hours of shopping, carrying my bags for me and me asking you 17 times if my ass looks OK in every outfit.  THEN, you can fetch me an espresso so I can recharge for another 3 hours of scouring antique markets in search of a random piece of furniture that I saw a picture of someplace.  Wait, Sean gave her adrenaline and courage?  What is Sean the great and powerful Oz now?  

I know we can't kiss, but maybe you wanna reach under the blanket real quick.

I know we can’t kiss, but maybe you wanna reach under the blanket real quick.

Rachel: Another airstream trailer date.  This is super cute.  Wait, didn’t Blakely & Tony go here on their date?  The baby talk from this chick is killing me.  Too bad it’s having the opposite effect on our boy, Sean.  This guy gets so moony so easily.  He might be worse than the women.  Time for the family question!  She says she’s from a conservative Arabic family.  Wait, so that means she can’t kiss him?  That’s right, her family would be humiliated so there will be no kissing from Selma during these reindeer games.  Oh boy, I bet her family makes Kacie B’s look liberal.  This should make for a fun family meeting, though she won’t make it to hometowns. No part of him wants to walk into that living room.

But he is leaving tonight knowing he’s crazy about her.  He’s crazy about everyone.  How can they already see being married to each other?  You know all this fabulosity only lasts like 6 weeks then you’re fending for yourselves sans private jets, right?

Melissa:  So, now it’s dinner where they won’t eat.  Hey, I think that is Blakeley and Tony’s date camper from BP!  Better spray that bad boy down if it is.  So if she’s not allowed to date in public, why the hell is she on this show?  I mean talking about dating in public… national television is all sorts of public, sweetheart.  So do you think as soon as the cameras cut she’ll just lick him like a big old ice cream cone?  Poor Sean, hopefully there’s a nice cold shower in that Airstream for you tonight.  OMG, I’m about done with these two telling each other how much they want to kiss each other.  Make yourselves some s’mores and be done with it.  

Unbearable Tierra

Why is no one helping me up?

Why is no one helping me up?

Rachel:  Date card #2 shows up and no one wants their name to be on it because it’s the dreaded Group Date card.  The losers are:  Lindsay, Robyn, Jackie, Catherine, AshLee, Sarah, Tierra & Amanda.  Who’s pissed?  Tierra’s pissed.

Roller derby time!  That’s right, the girls are strapping on skates, helmets and taking their agressions to the ring.  Now this challenge, I’m stoked for.  These girls are all panic-stricken, but I can’t wait for the girl fights.  It’s the antidote to the kryptonite that is all that baby talk we just had to endure.  Sean thinks Amanda the Crazy and Tierra the Bitchy will be the most aggressive.  Ya think?  Amanda’s never done roller derby before, but she told the girls she did to “like totally get in their heads”.  Robin can’t even stand up on her skates which is all because of Amanda’s psyching her out.  This girl is a freak.

Also unable to stay on her feet is Sarah.  Yeah, this is kinda mean to do to her.  Sean comes over to talk to her after she takes a time out.  I’m glad he told her to screw it if she doens’t want to do it.  And I hope he means it.  But she does it anyway, which is a huge testament to her fortitude.

Back on the track, Amanda wipes out and lands flat on her face.  Karma she is swift and she is a bitch.  Amanda is having a hard time opening her mouth, which is poetic justice.  Off she goes to the hospital.  Bye bye crazy!  Now, Sean is worried about the date being too dangerous so there will be no roller derby, just a free skate.  The first girl that shoots the duck wins!  This would be a perfect time for some “On The Wings of Love”, but I’ll take me some Steve Perry; also an AM Gold classic.

Melissa:   YES!  Roller Derby is awesome!  OK, I’m sorry, this is just awesome.  It’s horrible, but I’m the girl that laughs when I see someone fall.  I blame being raised on slap-stick comedy… Jack fell in every episode of Three’s Company and I laughed every time.  I’m howling over here.  Well, until Sarah brings me down.  Yeah, that sucks but I love that AshLee rallies her to get up.  OK, I’m calling that if she does this she’s getting the rose tonight.  OK, that being said, how much camel toe are we going to be forced to see during this event?  Oh snap, a broken jaw?  Yeah, there’s a chance that gets the rose tonight.  I’m going to say it again, I really want to know what he’s drinking during these parties.  

But everything's about me...  all the time.  My daddy says so!

But everything’s about me… all the time. My daddy says so!

Rachel:  Everyone gets to go to the party tonight!  You know half the girls were supposed to go home again.  There’s a lot of relieved girls in this room.  Sean takes Sarah aside because he’s proud of her and respects her so much.  She’s embarrassed, but he says there’s no reason.  It’s amazing how Sarah can be so annoying and so sympathetic at the same time.  

Back in the “holding area” as I like to call it, the girls try to be nice to Tierra and well no.  She’s not having it.  But before it goes any further, Amanda’s back!  Sean takes her aside to make sure she’s ok.  She tells us that she plays dirty so she’s going to milk the sympathy card.  She’s scary. Have I mentioned that?

And here we go…  Robyn gets shade from Tierra because she thinks that Robyn purposely left her out of a conversation to get a rise out of her.  And it worked.  This sets her off and… Wait, did she jsut say “fustrating”?  She’s says she’s about to walk out because she doesn’t like the atmosphere here.  She wants to leave.  She’s done.  And we’re off to the races.  She storms the producers and tells them she wants to go home, which really means find Sean so he can beg her to stay.  Sean, meanwhile, is about to get his hot tub on with Lindsay.  I’m pretty sure addressing girl house drama is not on his list of things to be doing with his time at the moment. But Tierra, now fully in tears, finds him and tells him that she can’t take the fakeness.  She can’t be tortured like this.  OMG, she’s a maniac.  A full on maniac.  Let her go home, Sean.  Whoa!  He’s falling for this?  This is about 1000% more insane than Kacie B last week and that got her kicked to the curb.  He really is talking her into staying!  I cannot believe he is really playing into her temper tantrum.  So much so that he’s going to give her the rose.  You idiot.  He tells her to stay because he’s crazy about her.  {{{ Giant eye roll }}}  He’s crazy about everyone to the point that I think he’s just crazy.  Seriously.

Melissa: Man, Tierra just sucks the life out of me… Really, she makes my head hurt…. more than Amanda’s.  OK, Amanda makes my eye twitch too. I know she makes for good TV, but Tierra is a complete pain in the ass.  Please someone put her in a car and send her on her way.  If she doesn’t want to be tortured then go the hell home.  OK, my dogs are starting to get twitchy over that whining of hers.  Wait, let me check again… Week 4 right?  And you’re already tortured?  Geez Louise get out… GO!  You know I hate girls like her.  I mean I can manipulate with the best of them, but I don’t resort to tears to get what I… um, well, I wouldn’t on national television.  And it gets her the rose… shocker.

Mistake.  Big Mistake.

Leslie gets her Pretty Woman moment... almost.

Leslie gets her Pretty Woman moment… almost.

Rachel: Last date card:  Leslie H finally gets her date!  I’m glad to see her get a date, even if she does cry a lot.  And to make it even sweeter, her date card comes with a pair of diamond earrings.  Now, that’s a date card I can get down with.

Sean picks her up and off they go in a Maserati and her new diamond earrings with the rest of the girls eating her dust.  Muhahaha!  Oh it’s the Reg Bev Wil and they’re going shopping on Rodeo!  Totally a Pretty Woman date.  I want to go shopping on Rodeo.  I lived there for 15 years and never did more than walk down the street.  Leslie gets the full treatment – dress, shoes, purse.  She looks great, but I really want to do something with her hair.  Last stop, our friend Neil Lane’s boutique.  Look at that necklace!  This is a fake date that I could totally get down with.  Aw, he even is sporting a tux.  I like this.

Oh I love the Bradbury Building!  So amazing.  I hope this date goes well because I like her.  I wish she would sit up though.  She has a hard time opening up but she says her dating life is like Good Luck Chuck; the next person that dates her ex marries them.  Yeah, I’ve been there.  Uh-oh, this date is awkward at best.  Uh oh times two, divorced parents.  Red flag for Sean.  And here it is… he can’t put his finger on what’s missing, but something is.  Hmmm, I wonder.  She doesn’t coo and baby talk him.  That’s what’s missing.  But there really doesn’t seem to be anything super hot going on here.  So, he sends her packing.  Aw, I feel badly for her.  She’s seemed like she might be an actual grown-up.  As she’s being put into the get-away car, she tells Sean to be careful because there are a few women in the house that are up to no good.  Way to drop the knowledge on him on the way out, girl, but you shoulda put a name to it.  

Poor Ben Taylor now has to play to an empty house.  His manager is so getting a call after this.  And nice touch Bachelor producers with the dramatic crashing of the rose to the floor.

Melissa: Oh, I LOVE the faces on those other women when Leslie gets diamonds… Haters.  Oh girl, never give up diamonds for ANY man!!  You should know by now there’s only about a 12% success rate for these couples.  Say thank you for the diamonds and skip along!  Does she get to keep the clothes they pick out?  Yeah, I’m going to say Mr. Sean can fill out a tux.  Did Neil Lane sell his soul to the Bachelor/ette dynasty?  I was going to question if they get a bodyguard for that necklace, but I guess you don’t need one when you have a non-dinner in an empty building with an entourage of producers and crew.  I’m not feeling this connection with these two.  Neither is he.  Oh, that sucks.  She really is awesome and I loved that heads up about the other ladies.  Wait, so will he just rock to the music on his own do you think?  Raise a lighter, Sean…

Cocktail Party

Hey baby, you want some chocolate?

I’m totally awkward so I’m going to hit on your in a totally awkward way so then we can share a really awkward kiss afterwards. 

Rachel:  We’re at the cocktail party and Tierra reminds us that she’s here to win.  Nothing less than a win will do.  The fact that Tierra keeps saying she wants to “win this” says a whole lot about her character.  Side bar:  These women must have nothing better to do when they’re at home because their nail color changes every scene.  Anyway, Robyn gets some time with Sean and drops some horribly cheesy lines about him wanting some chocolate.  Embarrassing, but she gets some lip so I guess it worked.  

In the other room, there’s a powwow about whether or not to out Tierra to Sean.  Why don’t girls realize that they should never talk shit about other girls to the Bachelor?  The crazy girl never gets sent home.  In fact, if there was research done on the subject, I bet there would be data proving that they stay longer.  Vienna, Courtney, Michelle Money… need I go on?

Aw, here we go.  Robyn & Jackie just got pulled aside by Tierra.  Oh she’s fake apologizing to keep them from talking smack about her to Sean.  I can’t stand her, but that was well played.  And if the girls can’t hear the condescension in her voice, then they deserve to get played.  Oh girls, I can’t believe you are seriously buying that load of crap she just dumped on your lap.  And with that, off Tierra goes to complain to Sean some more.  He’s such an idiot.  I was really starting to like him, but this is bringing him down quite a few notches. And when Tierra goes to her confessional and talks about how she’s working it like a two-dollar hooker, I wonder if she realizes that Sean will actually see all this.

Melissa:  Yikes Robyn, that was a bad line if I’ve ever heard one.  Hang on, Tierra’s going to have a “sit down” to squash it with the ladies?  Are you kidding me?  Oh Tierra, you need to stop.  There’s no need for this silliness of yours.  Honey, girls have trouble accepting you because you’re a pain in the ass.  Where did Catherine come from?  I never see her interact with him or anyone for that matter.  I know nothing about her, I guess that’s a good thing since I don’t really dislike her.  

Rose Ceremony

RoseCeremony

Time for the Rose Ceremony…

Have roses:  Tierra (ack) and Selma

Got Roses: Catherine, Desiree, Lindsay, Lesley, Robyn, AshLee, Sarah, Jackie, Daniella

Booted:  Leslie and Amanda

Wow, I did not see that coming.  But I can’t say I’m sad to see Amanda go.  On her way out, she says that right now she’s really miserable.  How is that different from any other time?

Bottom Line:

Rachel:  OK, Tierra needs to go.  Now.  And if she really has another accident next week and he keeps her, I’m going to go back to full disliking him.  And what’s the shit with this two nights of drama?   One a week is quite enough thank you.

Melissa:  Oh no, what is Tierra going to do without Amanda to complain to?  I’ll give her props for not crying… ish.  Huh, 2 day event?  Are you serious??  I don’t have time for this business!  

12 responses to “The Bachelor Season 17, Week 4 – Tierrable Tierra

  1. Very few people understand the excitement we get hearing how much Tierra is disliked! I went to high school with her in Las Vegas (Centennial HS, class of ’07 to be exact), and let me tell you, 90% of our school felt the same way about her. She hasn’t changed at all! She is still the over dramatic, selfish, rude b**** she was back then. NO one liked her because she’s mean and conniving, and will do anything to get her way. Just like she cheated her way to graduate. Having at least half a dozen classes with her, I know from experience. It’s relieving to see her true colors broadcasted for everyone to see.

    • This might be my favorite comment on a post ever. I find it not at all surprising that Tierra was a mean girl in HS. She is such a supreme spoiled brat that I would find it hard to believe that she hasn’t had many years of practice. Would you be cool if we posted this as part of next week’s write-up? I can take your name off it so don’t worry about that.

  2. Tierra Licausi demonstrates classic symptoms of psychopathy. Poor, sad creature.
    A positive? She’s an effective teaching tool for young people to develop awareness & ability in identifying psychopaths.

    • A tool for everyone but Sean… Poor, sad creature.

      • PsychoSpotter

        Pithy. :)
        I wonder if Ms. Licausi is suffering from psychopathy brought on by brain damage incurred via accident. As has been mentioned, she does have quite a “dent” in her forehead.
        We are aware now through brain scans that psychopaths have brain activity markedly different from non-psychopaths. For more info. you could run web searches on “brain differences in psychopaths” or “”fearless” patients terrified by panic experiment” or read any number of informative books on psychopaths such as those by Sandra L. Brown, Thomas Sheridan, George K. Simon, & Robert D. Hare.
        Whatever has caused Ms. Licausi’s apparent psychopathy might explain her being stricken with hypothermic symptoms when others in her group experienced a vastly different reality.
        What I’m trying to say at this early hour is that Ms. L might not have been fabricating a tale- hard to fake blue lips- but truly experiencing hypothermia and I wonder if her brain anomalies are major contributors…
        Perhaps the others in the group who reported feelings of euphoria, intense bonding, & camaraderie were, in greater or lesser part, protected by the natural processes of their healthy brains.
        If Ms. L. is indeed a psychopath she would be unable to experience those beautiful benefits of the exercise.
        Fascinating.
        On a less charitable note I can think of a psychopath or two I’d like to recommend for the “glacier hypothermia trials”. Now to find an idiot to fund them.
        Perhaps ABC would like to do so, might be lucrative programming.
        (kidding!)

      • If you check out our last post re: The Bachelor, there is actually a picture of a Google Search where you can see Tierra’s name attached to the obit in the guest book. How far that connection goes remains a mystery.

        And personally, I’d watch Glacier Hypothermia Trials.

  3. Addendum: my apologies, the correct spelling is LiCausi.

    Also, Jessica, you might check this out (it may well be gossip but as I popped on in order to correct my misspelling of Ms. L.’s name I thought I forward it to you)- sophienett reports the following about Ms. LiCausi:
    “Occupation: Leasing consultant (property management director)
    Hometown: Born and raised in Las Vegas, Nevada. She went to college in California… She now lives in Colorado (where her parents also live), working in Lone Tree.
    Pet: She has a dog named Reese, named in memory of her boyfriend David “Casey” Reese IV, who died of a drug overdose in 2009 at the age of 20.
    Instagram: truly_tierra”
    There is an on-line obit for the boy, though no mention of Ms. L. While Ms. L. was attending college (according to above, Not a verified accurate source) in CA, Mr. Reese attended college in Las Vegas.
    Enough gossip for me. Ugh.

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