One Sentence Summary - A sympathetic tale is told about Cha Cha’s financial struggles but it fails to excuse her behavior last week.
Rachel: Well, here we are again; sitting shocked at the fact that Cha Cha smacked her kid on national TV. I have a bad feeling that it’s going to get glossed over again like it was last season, which is wholly unacceptable. I get that bad behavior elicits ratings, but when it’s at the expense of children, there is a giant problem. And it’s a giant problem that The Style Channel seems to want to ignore. I wonder who is over there running the show that thinks it’s acceptable to keep Cha Cha on. I mean even The Real World and Bad Girls Club will give you the boot if you’re violent. So, I’m going on record to say that I hope this is the last we will see of Cha Cha and her horrid behavior. And I hope it’s a wake-up call to her to get some help for that crazy anger.
Melissa: So I feel the need to warn you all… I’m completely jet-lagged from the TWB Parisian Tour and completely missed last week (either DVR boycotted or the hubs accidentally deleted and pretended he didn’t), but thanks to the awesomeness that is my partner, I’ve been able to catch up on last week’s episode in a quickie 2 minutes. Thank you, Love! I also need to say I’m completely not cool with the continuous coverage of D’s slapping her children around. There are things that are acceptable to show on reality, and there are things that are terribly wrong to leverage for network ratings… And the peeps over at Style are dancing a rather precarious line of you ask me.
Jockeying For Attention
Rachel’s What Happened: So, another day at the pool with no one wearing bathing suits. Honestly, if no one is going to bother to play the part, stop shooting at the pool. But we’re not here for that, we’re here to meet the jockey that Kalyn picked up at work. I guess the Daisy Dukes worked for someone.
So it turns out that Maddie got grounded after the crab boil for asking Nikki about alcohol. What is wrong with these people? And speak of the devil, here comes Nikki with Whitney & Alex. Whitney goes on one of her completely unprovoked tirades about Kalyn being a fake beauty queen and a whore. Well, alrighty then. I see the maturity levels have not risen since last season. After Kalyn leaves with her jockey and her godbrother in tow, Whitney makes sure to let Nikki & Alex know about the sibling sex scandal. Well, in all fairness, I’d probably let that little toad pop out too if it were me. I mean that’s pretty good juice.
Melissa: I guess Kalyn is cool with hanging our with her ex-boyfriend-brother. So odd… Still. Oh, but she gets to hit on the jockeys at her new job. Well, there’s a perk. HA, I’m almost loving Whitney with the “Is that a relative you’re dating?” comment. On a side note, is it me or does she always sound drunk?
Look, I Do Have A Heart!
Rachel’s What Happened: Well, here’s Cha Cha… And nope no mention of the slap. What we are going to talk about is her new company, Diva Construction & Remodeling. I’m sure this show is going to be great PR for her new endeavor. Hey, if you don’t like the work her workers are doing, she’ll slap them around. She walks Connie & Bonnie through her first remodel and tells them that she needs this business as back-up to her husband’s business because they suffered so badly when the economy crashed. So, you’re starting a competitive company to your husband’s that’s also economy based? I mean I’m not an economics major or anything, but that seems counter-intuitive. But this is what has to be done so they never have to be where they were a year ago… having to sell off all their guns. I’m thinking that’s probably a good thing for Shaye’s sake. I do feel terrible that her husband thought about the fact that he was worth more to them dead than alive. That’s terrible. However, Cha Cha’s financial issues, her desire to provide for her family and her wanting to show her kids that she’s a doer and not just a screamer doesn’t make up for her slapping Shaye twice now. So, thanks for the “softer side” moment Style Channel, but if you think that’s a viable excuse, you guys had better see if you can get a group therapy rate with Cha Cha.
Melissa: Really, I have no idea why D is on this show… She’s horrible. I have zero patience for parents who smack around their kids – ZERO! Wait, D and her husband have been renting their home and were selling off their jewelry? I’m sure Shaye was hoping she was going to be repo’d from cray-cray. Here’s an idea… Maybe don’t live beyond your means by renting a manse. Instead, why not downsize into a normal house and give up your precious club membership, if you’re worried about money. I know, it’s crazy talk, but I might be on to something here.
Rachel’s What Happened: Oh, this is hilarious. These women having “high tea” and pretending to be ladies of sophistication is downright comical. And I also love that it’s to welcome the new members to the club and there’s maybe one person there that isn’t on the show. So basically, it’s a tea for Cindy, who has brought along a flask to make sure her tea gets her high. I can’t say as I blame her, though I would have suggested a brown liquor to go with her tea. Bonnie wonders what Cindy does… you know, for a living. This question confuses Cindy. She doesn’t. No really. She doesn’t do anything. She shops and she donates what she never wears to charity and that gives her life meaning. Well, not everyone’s waters can run deep.
Cha Cha stops by the table and she & Cindy trade barbs about their children. Cha Cha says Cindy just has to accept that she parents a different way than Cindy does. If that’s what you want to call it… Cindy isn’t moved. Neither is Melissa who asks Cha Cha about the incident when the two of them are alone. She says she knows it’s not her business, but (always a “but”) it terrified her to see how she reacted to Shaye. Needless to say, Cha Cha doesn’t take the accusation lightly and tells Melissa off. She’s going to “mommy-handle” her kids as she sees fit so that they stay on the straight & narrow. Yeah, I’m thinking you might want to take a new tact. You know, one where you don’t slap your kid around.
Melissa: What’s going on with all these ladies wearing huge hats? Oh, high tea. Wait, what’s up with D’s boobs? Get a bra sweetie!! I’m glad to see Cindy brings her booze in a flask. Oh, she’s never had a career… Unless shopping is a career. I don’t get her yet. Sweet Mary, I need D to put a bra on, it’s way too distracting. OK, I’m going to agree with Cindy here… You don’t put your hands on a child. I might talk a good game about twisting an ear or butt beating here and there, but I’ll be honest, empty words my friends. What D considers good parenting is appalling to me! I’m glad to see Melissa challenging D – “manhandling” isn’t appropriate for children. Children should be loved and appreciated, and learn about respect by experiencing it firsthand. OK, soapbox away, sorry… I blame the fact it’s 3-ish am Paris time.
Rachel’s What Happened: Can someone please tell Leslie to stop wearing pigtails? Anyway, the ladies are playing tennis and Cindy tells them that she’s having a birthday party for her dog. Leslie & Bonnie are in. Melissa’s going to take a pass. I’m with you, Melissa. I’m not that hard up for a glass of champagne. And since Cindy & Leslie snub the other girls as they head off for drinks, I wonder if Bonnie will bother to come now too. Oh wait, of course she’ll go. It’s another opportunity to wear a costume.
Melissa: Wait, Leslie and Melissa are now playing tennis together? These ladies are so confusing with their back and forth.
First Comes Love, Then Comes A Closet
Rachel’s What Happened: Leslie has been given the honor of having her own closet in her boyfriend Rip’s condo. Whatever happened to a drawer? And of course, it can’t just be any ol’ closet. It has to be one designed by Cha Cha and her Diva Construction & Remodeling company. Wait, so she’s really going to turn his office into a closet? Are you shitting me? Girl, go hang a few things in the closet and worry about taking over his office when you get a ring on your finger. These people confuse me.
Melissa: Oh, it’s Rip’s condo and Leslie’s “redesign” of a closet. Wait, did Leslie just say she’d never take advantage of him? HA… yeah, riiiight.
How Much For A Crotch Ring?
Rachel’s What Happened: So, Kalyn has just cruised into Booger’s shop with her ex-boyfriend/current godbrother/Whitney’s ex to ask Whitney’s current boyfriend to pierce her vagina. There isn’t one thing right about that sentence. This is how Kalyn is going to get back at Whitney for calling her out at the pool. Don’t you have some manure to shovel or something? Booger isn’t buying the “oh we came here because you’re the best” story and defends his girl. This Booger kid is growing on me. Now, if only he’d do something about those earrings. Ack! Meanwhile, I’m thinking that having a needle pierce your vajay is probably going to be more painful for you than it is for the person upon whom you’re exacting this revenge… Just sayin…
Melissa: Really, she and the ex-brother-boyfriend are still hanging out? OK, gotta say, I’m loving Booger’s response to Twiddle Dumb and Dumber. I would totally tell her I would give her a tat and give her the infamous steaming poo tat. Yet she wants a piercing. HA, I’d totally pierce her ‘gina together.
What? She’s The Help.
Rachel’s What Happened: It’s time to get Leslie’s wardrobe out of the Vegas mall world and into high fashion… Well, as high fashion as Leslie can manage. Connie’s sure got her work cut out for her. And apparently not just with Leslie, as professional shopper Cindy is along for the ride and would like Connie to get her more champagne. Well, she is a personal shopper and that’s what they do, no? Uh, no. Doesn’t get any better when she rolls up to Connie and asks her opinion then negates it by saying that Bonnie, also along for the ride, said the opposite. Yeah, Cindy, you’re just being a snotty bitch right now and it’s not cool. Spend a little less time working on your face (which for the record is freaking me out) and a little more time working on your charm. You didn’t hire Connie. She’s not there to help you. She’s there to HELP her cousin as a FAVOR. Go back to your champagne and stop talking. Thank you.
Melissa: Yes, it’s the “redo” of Leslie. HA, Connie! Leslie’s shopping for herself is, in fact, tragic. OK Cindy, you’re a bit of a douche to be honest.
Rachel’s What Happened: Time for Whitney to hear about Kalyn’s vagina piercing. Not shocking that Kalyn didn’t go through with it, but she did make poor Booger have to walk her through the procedure. But well, if she wanted to get under Whitney’s skin, it worked. Whitney has a temper tantrum and storms off leaving Boogs alone in the dog park. See Whit, had you completely ignored the sitchmo, you’d have actually won this round because this is what she wants to happen. Not that I’d ever expect you to take the mature road… ever.
Melissa: OK Whitney, you can’t get all crazy on the Boogs here. He’s got a business to protect. Besides, keep your friends close and your enemies closer. This way you can feed him ideas on how to work “skank” into a tat so only you and a few close friends… and a national television audience will know about it.
Redo The Redo
Rachel’s What Happened: Ah yes, another loving mother-daughter exchange between Cha Cha & Shaye. Well, at least Cha Cha is nice to her cat. She’s too busy anyway to deal with her kids, she has Leslie’s closet to discuss. And as with everything Leslie, she has over-promised and under-delivered. She is no longer turning the office into a closet. She’s turning the second closet into a… closet. So, she’ll need less stuff and more cubbies. Never mind that all the materials have not only been ordered already but were being installed the next day. Uh, didn’t Leslie sign off on a contract for the work? She’s kinda stuck no? Cha Cha seems to think she is, but still calls her a C-bomb in front of her daughter. Yeah, this chick is all class all the time.
Melissa: EW, I’m not cool with cats up on counters… that’s nasty. Wait, did she just call her client a C you next Tuesday?
No Big Dogs Allowed
Rachel’s What Happened: I apologize in advance to the animal lovers out there, but dog birthday parties are ridiculous. I’m sorry. I’m not generally a person that likes to tell people how to spend their money – or in this case someone else’s money that you suckered – but what a gargantuan waste. Well, at least some local business are getting work. See how I just did a Mrs. Brightside on that?
Meanwhile, Bonnie shows up in yet another costume with her dog. Since he’s not a lap dog, he isn’t invited in the house. Clearly, everyone knows that a doggie birthday party is only for the small dogs. Duh, Bonnie. Seriously though, there are rules and a caste system for dogs? Cindy makes Bonnie sit outside by herself. Thankfully, Leslie is kind enough to bring her champagne. Bonnie finds the whole situation rude. I find the fact that you’re still sitting there confusing. If you’re waiting for Whitney, why not just call her on her cell and tell her you’re leaving? Modern technology. You’re a professor. Figure it out. Though I am in agreement that Cindy sucks.
Meanwhile inside, Cindy is beating the shit out of a dog piñata which seems really wrong considering the party is for dogs. But why question logic in a situation where no logic applies? And speaking of no logic, seems Bonnie & Whitney didn’t manage to work out that communication thing as Whitney shows up, dressed as a cat, with her giant dog. She too is banished to the backyard. BTW, what’s with the high-strung 12-year-old boy in the red shirt?
Whitney & Bonnie leave the party after some discussion about how rude it is to be sitting outside. And yet, you sat outside and actually had to think that through. Just gonna sit here and shake my head a while.
Melissa: Oh, the purse-dog party!! I loves me a little purse-dog. I do – not the obnoxious yippy ones though. Wait, Cindy’s going to be shitty over Bonnie’s dog? Please, I love that her dog is perfectly chill while the little purse-dogs are freaking out. I hope both dogs take huge dumps in the bushes.
Back In The Closet
Rachel’s What Happened: And we’re back in Leslie’s closet where she’s still making changes to what she wants. She’s also not liking the paint color she chose that she doesn’t remember choosing. She’s gonna get herself slapped. Cha Cha handles herself better than one would expect when faced with someone that can’t stick to a decision and then blames the designer for not being wowed with the choices. However, throwing the paint samples on the floor and storming off isn’t probably the most professional reaction by Cha Cha, though I guess we should all be glad she chose the “walk away” route tonight. Too bad Leslie isn’t on the same page with that and explains to Cha Cha that she knows she’s in dire financial straits so that’s why she hired her. Yeow. Way to throw a low blow, Leslie. Regardless of what kind of person I think Cha Cha is, that’s just cold blooded nastiness from Leslie. Then again, is anyone surprised? She just loves a good old fashioned confrontation so she can air out other people’s dirty laundry. See now Cha Cha, this is when no one would blame you for hitting someone.
Melissa: Are you kidding me with this closet? Man, what would be funny is if D hauled off and slapped her in the face for this insanity. That being said, D needs to take it down a notch with she’s dealing with clients.
Rachel’s What Happened: Well, look at what we have here, Cindy day drinking out of her flask in the middle of a restaurant. Honey, why not just save yourself the effort and have an IV drip of vodka put in your arm. But this isn’t an intervention. This is a rip on Cha Cha session. Leslie tells Cindy about the closet incident and makes sure to bring up Cha Cha’s finances while she’s at it. You know you’re playing really dirty pool if you’re actually making me feel anything in the realm of sympathy for Cha Cha. But there are those people in the world that need to tear others down to make themselves feel better. BTW, that’s not at all what’s happening here. TWB are here for the comedy. Only the comedy. Oh yeah, and the wine.
Time to now discuss Bonnie’s giant party faux pas in the world according to Cindy. She can’t believe Bonnie wouldn’t know better. Leslie says Bonnie’s dog is chill, but then gives her crap for leaving abruptly in her confessional. She was ostracized to the backyard by herself! Why would she have stayed? And are you really ripping on Bonnie’s costume-wearing tendencies a week after calling her out for not having your back? Well, I’m glad Leslie and Cindy have each other to share in their suckitude.
Melissa: Does anyone worry that not only does Cindy drink constantly, but she brings her own flask wherever she goes? I mean, I love a cocktail like the next Winey Bitch, but I RARELY carry a flask. No, really just one time and it was for someone else… I swear! Really Cindy, Bonnie’s dog isn’t dangerous – which dogs were the ones flipping their shit at your party?
Rachel’s What Happened: Apparently there’s another party at the club and this time it’s a rodeo. Oh sorry, it’s a Texas BBQ. Boogs & Whitney show up in Native American costumes and actually look cute. I have to admit it. Leslie thinks she also looks “Indian” but really she’s just wearing a multi-colored tunic over white pants. Then there’s Cindy wearing yet another see-through shirt. Yikes lady, no one is trying to see your bra. Trust.
Because Leslie can never let anything lie, she approaches Cha Cha and apologizes for making her crazy with all her changes. Waiting for the shoe to drop… Oh, no shoe this time. Peace has been brokered thanks to Cha Cha wanting to get more clients and Leslie wanting… I have no idea. I guess we’re just lucky peaceful Leslie showed up today.
Less interested in creating peace is Whitney. She’s more interested in putting Kalyn in her place. So she rolls up on her and lets everyone know that she wanted to get her vagina pierced. LOL… Ah yeah, nothing goes with ribs and cole slaw like pierced vaginas. Kalyn pretends she has no idea what Whitney’s accusations are about, though is there any other explanation for showing up to the workplace de Boogs for a crotch pierce? Realizing this, she cops to just trying to get a rise out of Whitney. Note to Whitney, this is when you should realizing that that’s what she’s getting… a rise out of you. This would be the perfect time to walk away with a nonchalant pfft. Too late.
Cindy, off the Tyler hunt, starts circling Jason, Bonnie’s husband. After letting him know just how single she is – I believe it was very very very single – she starts working the flattery angle. After that doesn’t raise his blood pressure at all, she begins the next attack plan which is to let him know the hugely tacky move his wife made by bringing a big dog to what was clearly a little dog party. But before she can get her meat hooks any further into Jason, Bonnie intervenes. Seems she’s not digging that Cindy yelled at her at her party or that she snubbed her after tennis or that she mussed Jason’s hair. And it doesn’t get any better when Cindy calls her insignificant. And it’s Round 2 of the Platinum Blondes Sound Off. Bonnie goes off. Melissa tries to break it up. Cindy storms off. Wonder whose side Leslie is going to take?
Melissa: Yeah Leslie, you’re not even close to anything Western or Cowboy. Nice Whitney, way to announce Kalyn wanting to get her ‘gina pierced. That was genius. You just scored some points with me. OK, what’s up with Cindy hitting on Jason / Gutter? That’s not cool. I think I need to rethink Cindy in general? Is she a little off her rocker, or is it just me? You’re not Pam, sweetie.
Rachel: While I still think Pam was a much better villain, it seems that Cindy is actually the one taking on the role this season. She’s going to have to take some lessons on one-liners if she’s going to make it work for her. And I’m still not OK with the resolution on the Cha Cha slap… at all. I might have to start a letter-writing campaign.
Melissa: <sigh> I miss Heidi and Pam.