One Sentence Summary: It’s time to wrap this party up with the final hour of rehashing and trashing.
Well, here we are at the final episode of the Beverly Hills Housewives Reunion special. Seriously, there had better be some fireworks on this episode if they made us sit through not one, not two, but three hours of this nonsense. At least we’ll get to visit with sober Kim tonight. I wonder what that will be like. I guess there’s only one way to find out… Yeah, let’s get this done.
So, we’re back to Taylor and now we’re hearing that Russell monitored Taylor with recording devices and made her take polygraph tests to prove she wasn’t cheating. He also hid in her friends’ bushes at one point only to jump out and beat the crap out of her friends and coming close to drowning her. Now, that’s a story. Now, I’m not going back to the “none of this happened” attitude, but if someone’s husband beat the crap out of me and almost drowned her in my pool, there would be no amount of begging and pleading that would have stopped me from calling the cops. Who the hell are these “friends”? Apparently, I’m not alone here as Brandi doesn’t think it makes sense either and feels badly because Russell isn’t here to defend himself. But knowing the tongue lashing that’s coming her way if she continues down the path, she says she doesn’t want to talk about it. Camille agrees that it’s all so creepy and doesn’t want to talk about it either. Brandi, still worried for her safety, goes a step further and actually apologizes to Taylor. She accepts it kinda… You know that that wrinkled nose fake smile. Granted there’s so much Botox going on it’s amazing anything on her face wrinkled.
But enough of Taylor because it’s time to talk to crazy Dana. Now, we’re cooking with gas. Andy asks her who she’s wearing and she says she doesn’t want to say. Oh, but don’t you kids fool yourself by thinking she’s been humbled. She really just wants to show off her shoes that say “F**k You” on the heels with a diamond middle finger up the front. Always bringing the class level to new heights, Dana. When asked about her dropping price tags and labels, she says it’s because the other girls aren’t practical or low-key humble chicks so she thought she could act that way. Wow, we all know these ladies don’t spend a lot of time in the deep end of the pool (save Lisa, maybe), but aren’t you trying to be their friend? That kind of jab isn’t going to help you. You know what else isn’t going to help you? Calling Jiggy out for having a more expensive wardrobe than you have. Lisa doesn’t appreciate that.
Dana goes on to say that she is how she is because she left home at 15 and is proud of herself for what she’s accomplished. Yes, she screams money. And yes, she’s tacky, but that’s her and she earned the right to be this way. Now, when someone says they left home and moved to New York at 15 when their mother, who was dirt poor, passed away, usually the next part of this hard knock life story is that they had to live on the streets fending for themselves & fighting off lowlife drug addicts. But no, Dana’s story is a little more… um… special than that. Yeah, Dana left the mean streets of small town Massachusetts to live with her extremely rich father who put her in one of the best schools in the country. Now, maybe I’m failing to understand, but this sounds more like the “Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” than “The Pursuit of Happyness”. She also says Brandi was to blame for the Game Night fiasco because she was doing the poking and never explains the meringue fluff she had the balls to serve. Yeah Dana, you still suck.
Now, it’s time for the men to get their face time. Ken addresses his statement about not believing in therapy & stands by it. He says that he’d rather talk it out with Lisa than talk to a stranger. That’s awesome and I give their marriage two thumbs up…. however, not all of us live in that world, and for us, therapy is helpful. He gets a few more silly questions that he handles but the real news here is that we get a whole montage of Mauricio. Oh yes, Mauricio eye candy. Me likey… and apparently I’m not alone since he gets naked pictures sent to him. Really, ladies? What goes through your heads that you think sending naked pics to a married man is ever appropriate? It’s not even appropriate to single men that you don’t know. You realize, it’s never coming off the internet… Ever. Beyond that, GET SOME SELF-RESPECT! Now, there’s a reason to go to therapy. BTW, Kim hasn’t apologize to Mauricio but he would like to have a sit-down and a conversation, which is the perfect segue into…
It’s time for Andy’s one-on-one interview with Kim. Right off the bat she says that she is an alcoholic and that it’s been a problem for a while. Her drinking was a vicious cycle of having guilt and shame for her behavior and then drinking to cover her behavior. We also learn that this is her third time in rehab. Third time’s a charm? Seems she wasn’t ready the first two times. Um, she still sounds sloshed to me. Anyone else? Aha…. She’s still suffering from anxiety so she’s still on the pills. She says it’s treatment-approved, but she really sounds half in the bag still.
She also apparently is still riding her high (pun intended) horse about Game Night. She says she owes Brandi an apology for hiding her crutches, but it’s Brandi that owes her an apology for hurting all the people she loves. Um, Kim, it may not have been meth but you were mixing pills & alcohol… Oh yeah, and you’re an addict. Kim’s still driving the crazy train through 90210. But at least she’s not with Ken anymore.
Now Kyle joins us and we revisit Hawaii. Kim’s still saying her being late really was all about her driver’s license? Is anyone buying that? And they’re still arguing about her being late. Snore. Wow, Kim still is not taking responsibility for everything. Isn’t part of sobriety taking responsibility? Seems it’s more of the same with these two. Kim taking jabs. Kyle taking offense. Some other stuff probably got discussed, but to be honest, I couldn’t stop focusing on Kim fidgeting and slurring. I’m sorry but I’m not gonna rule on the side of 100% sober on this one. Alcohol? No. Too many pills? Yep.
Sidebar: Andy is so much more bearable when he’s not trying to be cool, right?
Bottom Line: Well, it’s all over until we meet in at the corner of Rodeo & Crazy next season.